Any married ladies give their babies their own last name?

posted 5 months ago in Babies
Post # 46
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

mimivac :  The answer to bullheadedness isn’t more bullheadedness, and I don’t think we should fight sexism or bias with sexism or bias.

I don’t think trampling your partner is “powerful and refreshing” and I think we should hold men and women to the same standard. That’s the only kind of equality I’m after.

Post # 47
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

You know it’s perfectly legal to have two last names with no hyphen, I have that. My parents are immigrants so they did it like their country (everyone has two, one from dad and one from mom) and then when your kids decide to have their own they can choose to pass along the last name  they prefer. kgr9 :  

Post # 48
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee

I’m planning on it!

Post # 49
Member
5926 posts
Bee Keeper

megm1099 :  I don’t know. I think it’s selfish for women to elevate themselves to a place where they can say “it makes more sense for our children to have MY last name and not yours”

Literally men do this ALL THE TIME. About children AND wives. But a woman wants to do the same thing and its selfish? 

Post # 50
Member
1453 posts
Bumble bee

Here’s the thing I can’t get passed…a woman’s last name most likely came from her father based on patriarchal naming tradition. So while women want to beat the feminist drum of it being their name, it’s more likely than not that such last name was derived from a man at some point in the lineage. So unless you’re making a brand new name yourself, I don’t buy the whole woman hear me roar thing.

Post # 51
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

whatsinaname8 :  I hope you realise how selfish you sound, that you lumped your children with an awkward “clunky” 5 syllable name for life (or until they decide to change it) because they just had to have both your names (or what?  They wouldn’t be your children anymore?)

OP – Without your husband, these babies would not exist.  Being pregnant does not make you special, and it does not make you the primary parent, as soon as they’re out.  This is something you and your husband need to decide on together, and you will need to compromise, as is all aspects of child rearing.  

Post # 52
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

chocolateplease :  That’s how I see it.  My maiden name was my fathers name, his fathers name etc.  Super “patriarchal”.  

I just think it’s petty to overthink this issue so much.  As a PP said, kids were given their father’s name as proof that the father was claiming the child.  Due to obvious biology, women and society already know the child is theirs. I took my husbands name and our children will have our name.  Doesn’t mean they will belong any less to me.  

Post # 54
Member
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“I don’t think trampling your partner is “powerful and refreshing” and I think we should hold men and women to the same standard. That’s the only kind of equality I’m after.”

Trampling your partner isn’t, but asking for equality and even demanding it, is. I’m after meaningful equality, not the kind where history and context are erased and a false equal playing field is assumed.

Post # 55
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee

chocolateplease :  I really hate it when people make this argument. Just because your last name came from your father doesn’t mean it’s not your name. It’s been your name since birth. Men do not get to own all the names. 

Post # 56
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Ugh, this post made my skin crawl. I mean, I get it. You’re their mother but the overall sense of superiority in your post was enough for me to roll my eyes basically line by line. I hate to break it to you but you wouldn’t even have your twins without your husband. A uterus does not make you any more of a parent than him. This is a decision that you BOTH have to make because once those babies spring from your vagina they no longer belong to just you. If you seriously cannot agree, hyphenate. Maybe some counseling to get to the root of why you feel so “above thou” would be beneficial as well. 

Post # 57
Member
2909 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

You need to compromise and find something that works for both of you, since afterall you are both going to be the parents of these children. Give the kids two last names rather than a middle name, hyphenate, whatever- just find something that works for the both of us. 

You seem to think that these kids are all yours just because you’re carrying them which is really unfair to their father.

Post # 58
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

whatsinaname8 :  That’s your opinion.  I felt my husband’s name was more “my” name than the name  I was given without a say, at birth.  

Post # 59
Member
1937 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

megm1099 :  do you know much about twin dynamics? The most common identity issue is that they are not seen as and/or identify as unique individuals, but rather as one half of “the twins”. That’s why they’re often put in separate classrooms in elementary school, etc. Having different last names would actually help this common twins issue, not be this horrible act you’re making it out to be. It’s at least worth considering…

Post # 60
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

mimivac :  Equality would be hyphenating, or having two last names. Insisting the kids get her name and only her name IS trampling, especially when her husband doesn’t seem to be forcing her hand the opposite way. Her husband shouldn’t have to suffer for sins he didn’t commit.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors