Post # 76
The only time i have ever heard of this happening (although im sure it happens all the time, im just talking about my experience) is when the father was in a high police-like position. The kids took their moms name for safety concerns of some retaleating against the father
Post # 77
kgr9 : my partner and I don’t share a surname but I felt quite the opposite when pregnant. I felt I got to share such an innate biological bond, that the least he should get is the name. That’s just my feeling. My son having a different name to me does nothing to weaken our intense bond – it’s just words. You guys need to work out what is comfortable for you though, but try not to freeze your hubby out of your happy trio.
Post # 78
Congrats on coming to a solution for you two 🙂 Names are so hard!!! Since the kids are getting your last name, maybe he could have more say with the first and/or middle names, such as maybe you guys could use names that honor his family history. For example, I was not happy to change my last name, but becuase of it, the plan is that our children (if we have them biologically instead of adopting) will have family names from my family history instead of his.
Post # 79
whatsinaname8 : Thank you for saying this! I’m a long-time lurker, and I hate the argument of “it’s no more feminist to keep my dad’s name than to take my husband’s name.” Why do the men get to own their names, whereas ours are just hand-me-downs/not ours? My maiden/birth name is JUST as much my own name as my brother’s is his, or my dad’s is his, or my FI’s is his. We’re all given a name (often from our father), yet only men get to claim it as “their’s”. Drives me batty. I don’t care if people change their names, but that particular reasoning makes zero sense.
OP, I’m glad y’all are figuring it out! Maybe a peace-keeping option would be to put his name as a second middle name? Then it can be on their birth certificates/hospital records, but they don’t have to use it in day-to-day life if they think it sounds funny, they could just go by First Middle1 Last.
Post # 80
kgr9 : To have someone elses name attached to them? As if your husband is a stranger. He is the man you love, yeah? Why not honor that, or meet in the middle. Seems a little much as you by nature already have acloser bond with them, as you have been carrying them…more the reason to let him feel some sort of closeness to your babies..idk