(Closed) Any Military Brides out there? Help!

posted 5 years ago in Military
Post # 3
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Payless:  I don’t know but my parents have been married for 30 years and they are military. Being apart for months to a year at a time took a toll on their marriage. I remember my mom feeling like this a lot, like she was waiting for her husband to leave again. It was rough on them. I would try to work this out. Don’t marry him when he is PCSing, put it off longer.

Post # 4
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with PP about maybe pushing the wedding back a bit.  

My Fiance is military too, just got back from a 6 month deployment and I know exactly what you mean – I think the stress of not seeing him made me get irritated with him all the time, plus our conversations were always cut short or just didn’t happen because he was in the middle of nowhere and the lines would go down.  

When he gets back and you spend some time together everything will go back to normal really quickly! Just hold in there 🙂

Post # 5
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

Both my SO and I are in the military so I know exactly where you are coming from. People think about how hard it is for the military person who is deployed/away but the person left behind suffers just as much in a variety of ways.

Relationships are based on compromise as no two people are indentical but when your SO is away you get used to your independence, your own space and doing things your own way. It is almost like being single again and when they return you have to adjust all over again to having someone else around and to think about.

Try not to be too hard on yourself or your SO, it will take time to get used to each other again. Unfortunately military marriages are tough and I would consider postponing the wedding until you get used to the way of life more before making the ultimate decision that it’s what you want forever.

Hope things work out for you.

Post # 6
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My fiance is in the military as well and we have been separated every since we started dating so our whole relationship has been long distance. I am 99 days from marrying him and I get like this too. Make take some time out of the day and try not to think about him and just think about you. I luckily don’t have to worry about him deploying.BUt at the moment most of the wedding planning has ben up to me cause just hearing what he has to say gets annoying. But I love him alot and can’t picture myself without him. You may just be frustrated with your current living situation so you are trying to find something to blame for how you are feeling. Your not the only on girlie!! Keep your head up! And if you feel like you should marry him so soon then go ahead. I have been with my fiance for 4 months total. We will had been together for exacty 7 months when we get married. Good luck with what you decide.

Post # 7
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Please don’t get me wrong: I don’t think it’s “wrong” to feel the way you do.  It’s acutally very brave that you’re being honest enough to admit what you’re feeling (most people in your situation would bury them and pretend it’s all ok) but, saying that, I would NOT marry him until you are 100%, have worked through your feelings and know what you want for sure.

There is nothing wrong with pushing it back a little if that’s what you need.  

Post # 8
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This is going to sound harsh, and I apologize for that.

 

My FH left for a 6 month deployment two months into our relationship. Obviously, it was difficult. We had one month that we no longer speak of because I was so upset with the situation and taking it out on him. However, every day I knew that he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life and never considered ending it with him.

 

You mentioned that you have been off and on since he was in basic, how long has that been? If you haven’t spent a lot of time together in the recent past, you probably need to work on that.

 

Please don’t be a statistic of another military couple that just rushes into a marriage.

Post # 9
Member
2122 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

I’m afraid I’m not a military wife/FI, but I do have experience with LDRs and I can completely empathise with these feelings. As soon as I was back together face-to-face with my partner all such feelings evaporated for me.

I would say that if you think it’s likely you’ll feel this way every time your FI/husband is deployed, then I’m afraid a military marriage might not be for you.

Post # 15
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Payless:  I’m happy to hear it! It’s funny how quickly a relationship can bounce back once you’re together again 🙂

Post # 16
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m happy to hear things are better!  It’s weird how seperation can make your brain go to all kinds of weird places emotionally.  I’m glad you’re both back together in the same place and wish you all the best!

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