MemberOk mamas talk to me about sleeping training methods that worked but didn’t involve CIO. Are there any? I hate hearing him cry but DH & I are exhausted. I try rubbing his back but he just sits up & cries which is when I typically pick him up and bring him in bed with us. We both work f/t an dcan’t take much more.
MemberIs this just at the beginning of the night? Or does he wake him in the middle of the night after going to bed too? If it’s just getting him to go to bed, I say go for the CIO (but that iddn’t take care of MOTN wakings for us since he’s still eating at night) We co slept for a while and that did the trick, but other than that, we had to resort to CIO. It was 3 HARD days, but then he started going to sleep on his own with out any crying. (But he still cries when he wakes up in the middle of the night, usually for less than 3 minutes, but there’s still occasional nights that are pretty bad 10-15m fussing and crying).
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MemberMemberThere are gentler methods than straight up CIO that have worked for a lot of people (Ferber, etc), but I don’t think you’ll find any sleep training method that involves zero crying at all.
Have you tried letting him fuss for just a few minutes to see if he can get himself settled again? You could also try timed check-ins, where you let him cry for say 5 minutes or so and then go in and pat/shoosh him without picking him up from the crib. This does not work for my baby (it just pisses her off more lol – she does better if we leave her completely alone to settle herself again) but I have friends who’ve had great success with it.
Also, if you’re feeling guilty about sleep training, check out this excerpt from Emily Oster’s new book: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/19/opinion/sunday/baby-breastfeeding-sleep-training.html. She looks at the actual research on sleep training and finds that there is not sufficient data to claim it’s harmful:
“Review studies of sleep-training interventions do not find negative effects on infants. And many show sizable improvements in maternal depression and family functioning. Sleep affects mood, and parents who sleep less feel worse. The evidence paints a pretty pro-“cry it out” picture.”
MemberMemberMemberThere is always going to be crying/protest when he doesnt get what he wants, to be picked up, but as long as you reinforce that crying out gets him picked up, he’s going to do it. Once he realizes that it doesnt work anymore, apparently that’s when it stops. It usually takes 2-3 days for most people, and then there might be an extinction burst. Its hard, SO hard to hear him cry, but everyone says in the long run, everyone is happier, baby too since he can sleep better/more.
MemberBack to sleep training…the thing that all the methods have in common is consistency. People who have done sleep training with success usually report that the first night or two are really tough, but then it does get better. It can take days or a week though. So I would do some research about the different methods – whether you want to do something gentler like Ferber or go whole hog and try true CIO/extinction… but whatever you do, be consistent. Depending on your budget, you could also consider hiring a sleep consultant.
Oh and one last thought, there are different sleep sack /suit options that some people swear by, like the Magic Merlin or the Nested Bean. Might be worth trying something like that to see if it could be an easy fix!
MemberMemberPrettysmile40 : I’m so sorry, trust me when I tell you I feel your pain completely! My almost 6mo is a terrible sleeper… literally up every 2-3 hours basically every night. Only naps sporadically and it seems like we find something that works and then he changes his mind on if he likes it.
I’ve tried CIO but I think he is too young or too stubborn– he will cry the house down and I’ll break down before he ever gives up. The kid is relentless when it comes to how long and how loud he will cry.
What has worked for me (and you can totally trash this advice because like I said, my kid doesn’t sleep)… but when I see “breakthroughs” with him is during nap times. I know they say not to fuck with naps and to do your sleep training at night but that doesn’t work for me. I’m too emotionally, mentally and physically drained at night to really stick with something so I started recently really focusing on some of the Ferber methods during day naps.
I’ll do all the things, you know the things:
Then we get about 20m in and he wakes up. So I let him cry for a few minutes and then go in and shush, calm… but not pick him up from his crib. It’s 50/50 on if it works or if it pisses him off, just being honest. But the more I’ve done it, the easier it’s gotten for him to adjust to that tactic. Now when he sees me peep over the crib, he knows I’m there but I might not pick him up and he’ll drift off to sleep again. Now I might have to do this 30,000 times in one nap session, but it has helped him get used to not being picked up immediately. The success rate has been lukewarm so far, but its better than not working at all.
Other than that tactic, no advice. Just solidarity that it’s fucking hard. I totally understand the mind fog that sets in and how you cringe in the middle on the night hearing your kid whimper because you know what that means: someone has to get up. I’m told it gets better lol, so I’m hanging on to that hope with all I’ve got! My sons pedi recommended keeping it as consistent as possible, even when it feels like things are going to shit, just try to keep it consistent (yes I took my son to the doctor for a check up because he literally would not sleep, at all). So every night rain or shine or new sleep environment due to travel or whatever, we cue up the same exact stuff: bath time, book, big feed, sleep sack in the dark room… Every. single. night, even if he is being a turd and fighting us or we’re traveling, or whatever.
Hang in there, you’re still an amazing mom and in no way failing in the parenting department because you have a child that is hard to get to sleep. They’re their own people, too– and they come with their own set of personality traits and circumstances that sometimes manifest itself in ways that aren’t ideal now but will help them later on in life. My son is DETERMINED to master new skills, even at this age he will keep himself up practicing over and over and over again until he gets it. Thats just, the way he is wired and I’d bet no amount of sleep training is going to override that desire to want to push himself. He must get it from his dad because mom over here is totes content to sit on the porch with a glass of wine :p
MemberI don’t have experience with non CIO methods (we tried, they didn’t work) but just remember that he’s only 10 months old and can’t talk. Crying is his way of telling you he doesn’t want to do something. That’s how he communicates. I know it’s hard to hear them cry but you need sleep!
how is he falling asleep? By himself?
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