Any non-CIO methods that have worked?

posted 5 months ago in Parenting
Post # 16
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Prettysmile40 :  you’re the one who did what?! had the baby? Or is he saying you somehow caused your son to struggle with self-soothing? (which you did NOT, he’s a baby and babies don’t all sleep amazingly right away). If you’re both working full time out of the house your husband needs to grow up and step up. 

 

Post # 17
Member
2024 posts
Buzzing bee

Prettysmile40 :  Wait, your husband refuses to get up in the middle of the night to help because he thinks you somehow caused this?!?!! I’m sorry, what an ass! That is so infuriating… I’d be livid with him. 

Post # 19
Member
1951 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

First off, your husband sounds like an asshole with that comment. 

Secondly, he needs to fall asleep in his crib. Apparently if they fall asleep anywhere but their bed and then wake up (as we all do) in the middle of the night between sleep cycles, he’s confused as to why he’s not in your lap anymore and getting upset. He needs to see you walk out of his room and fall asleep alone so when he wakes up in the middle of the night alone, he won’t  be confused and upset. (That’s what all the sleep books say anyways) 

Post # 21
Member
7852 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Prettysmile40 :  If this just started a week ago then it might just be one of those regressions and he’ll snap out of it soon. HOpefully!!!

Either way, your husband needs to change his tune. It’s normal for parents to disagree sometimes on parenting styles but his “my way or the highway” attitude would be a no go for me. Yall are in this together!

Finally, you haven’t done lasting damage by picking your baby up out of the crib. It is never too late to start enforcing healthy sleep habits! 

Post # 24
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Prettysmile40 :  if this is a new thing it’s likely either a regression or maybe teething. My daughter’s sleep turns awful when she’s getting a new tooth – the first night always sucks and then we know to give her ibuprofen before bed for the next couple of days and it’s all fine again. 

I’m sorry but I also really hate the idea that a BABY “has your number” like they are intentionally being manipulative. He’s a baby! He needs his parents. He needs love and comfort and to feel safe. Why society thinks babies should just act like grown adults when it comes to sleep is beyond me. My daughter goes through clingy spurts sometimes but she’s a pretty adventurous kid and I nursed her to sleep and never let her cry for more than a minute (usually because my hands are full/messy/etc). Knowing that she can always count on me to comfort her has given her the confidence to be more independent. 

Post # 26
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2021

I’m studying child growth and development in university and we’re actually learning about the negative effects the CIO method has on babies. It psychologically teaches the baby it cannot trust adults because as it is crying and expecting for someone to come and soothe them instead they feel abandoned. Newborns are capable of this feeling and CIO method is 100% not a good method according to any child development and psychologist specialists. Believe it or not newborns cry for “no apparent reason” to build trust with their parents/ caretakers to see if they will be taken care of 

Post # 27
Member
9385 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

We did “gentle” sleep training where you go in and check on them in intervals. You could also try the “sleep lady shuffle” which you can google.

It killed me to hear my dd cry but man after about a week she started sleeping through the night and it was fucking fantastic. I was exhausted. I’m not a fan of complete CIO but I really believe in limited uses you’re not going to damage your kid.

Post # 28
Member
7852 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

occa95 :  It’s my understanding that this idea that CIO teaches your baby they have been abandoned comes from 1980s Romanian orphanages, where babies were left alone for months or years at a time and basically stopped crying cause they learned there was no point. That is nothing at all like the CIO approach to sleep training so comparing the two doesn’t make much sense. 

I’m not saying CIO is right for everyone but there is a reason it’s recommended by many pediatricians. It can absolutely work for many families and lead to happier, well adjusted babies as well as parents.

Post # 29
Member
9813 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

My second was a pretty terrible sleeper from the beginning.  He wouldn’t just cry a little and settle and go back to sleep.  Going in to pat or shush or soothe was useless as he escalated instead of going back to sleep or calming down.  You won’t find any method of sleep training that doesn’t involve some amount of crying.  We tried to just let him cry (extinction) but even around 9-12 mo but he would carry on for hours.  I got less sleep with that.  He also had colic and was a high needs baby so I think it was just part of that temperment.  He woke up 2-5x a night to nurse until he was 19mo old.  Most of the time I would just bring him to bed with me and nurse him and fall asleep myself (much easier when they are closer to 1+ as the co-sleeping isn’t as big of a deal).  If I woke up, I’d put him back in his crib.  He started off in his crib but coslept with me on and off.  When he was 19mo we went away for 5 nights and I refused to nurse him when I got back overnight.  He started sleeping all night.  So now he usually sleeps all night (he is 2).  If he wakes up early at 4 or 5am he can come sleep next to me in bed but I don’t nurse him.  He is usually okay with this.  He snuggles and goes back to sleep and sometimes I’ll move him more towards the middle so I can finish sleeping better. 

We also went on a trip at 11.5mo old for 6nights and when we got back he would still wake up 2-5x a night even though no one was feeding him.  Once he finally got old enough (after our 2nd trip) and ready he did better.  

Post # 30
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

occa95 :  Do you feel that you cannot trust adults? Because I bet that at some point, your parents let you cry. 

 

If hes he’s crying and stops immediately when you pick him up, that kinda seems like he knows you’re going to come running to get him, which is what he wants. Right? There isn’t going to be any method of sleep training without some crying. So I think you’re going to have to get past that. 

 

I only nly have a 5 week old, but we’ve already started th ground work using the Taking Cara Babies class. I believe she has lessons on children up to 24 months. I know other people who have had great luck with her lessons also, so it might be worth a shot. For what it’s worth, my 5 week old is doing 5-6 hour stretches, twice a night, using what I learned in her classes. I highly recommend it.  You can follow her on Instagram to get a taste of her style. 

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