(Closed) Any non-drinking bees share my frustration?

posted 6 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You’ll find as you get older (and your social circle does too) this will stop being an issue. Generally, once people get a bit more mature, they stop caring about who’s drinking what, and stop requiring people to be drinking in order for them to have a good time.

Post # 4
1075 posts
Bumble bee

@Moomin:  That is super annoying. I think that a lot of people either assume you are pregnant or a recovering alcohlic so they’re looking for a juicy tidbit about you if you aren’t drinking, even when there isn’t any. I don’t drink a lot either and usually a casual “Oh I’m just not feelin’ it tonight” is enough to get them to drop it. 

I’m the youngest in my circle of friends and people always seem to think that means I should be the drunken mess when we go out! I like my stomach settled and my head not hurting, thank you very much. 😛

Post # 5
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Moomin:  I drink lightly… that means like 2 drinks a year. I went out one night, planning on just drinking one, and my friend offered to buy it for me. He would NOT LET UP when I wasn’t DRINKING FAST ENOUGH or WASN’T GOING TO DRINK ANOTHER! He even ordered another for me from the waitress, so I was like, ok, I won’t freak out, I’ll sip it, not finish it, no big deal, he’s done giving me a hard time. No. He WOULD NOT LET UP. I almost threw it at him, but I didn’t, I just got up and left. And honestly, we haven’t talked since. Friends don’t pressure friends. It felt like high school! I thought he knew me well enough to know I just don’t drink a lot, it’s just a personal choice.

Post # 6
5400 posts
Bee Keeper

I hear ya. You just have to let it roll off your back! There’s no use getting upset–people just don’t always understand. 

Post # 7
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

So I’m one of those people who gets mildly weirded out by people who don’t drink. And while I’m sympathetic to your situation, I thought maybe I could share my perspective and it would help you see the other side.

Darling Husband and I are pretty passionate about food and wine/beer/cocktails. We cook a lot, we collect wine, we like to learn and read and think and talk about different regions and grapes and vinification methods and so on. We’ve travelled to wine regions and walked vineyards and met a lot of fascinating winemakers and many of our friends are in the food and wine business. Obviously this isn’t for everyone, and that’s fine. But we get a lot of enjoyment out of it, and it adds substantially to our quality of life.

So for us, when we learn that a new acquaintance whose company we’re enjoying doesn’t drink, I’m sure we often come across as puzzled. Hopefully we don’t come across as judgmental, but honestly, sometimes I worry we do. For us, it’s sort of like announcing “I don’t have sex” or “I don’t listen to music” or “I categorically refuse to look at art, film, and sunsets.” And we’re thinking: But it’s so damn much fun! (And not just fun, either–I would argue that, under the best circumstances, it can be enriching and aesthetically rewarding and lead to wonderful shared memories, too.) I mean, of course there are risks and you have to be responsible and moderation is key and so forth…but it’s a delightful and important part of our relationship and many of our friendships and contributes so much to our enjoyment of life that the idea that someone would just voluntarily not ever do that is kind of incomprehensible to us.

Obviously this isn’t always what’s going on. Lots of people are just nosy, or can’t imagine having a good time without booze involved, etc. And that’s unfortunate and I’m sorry you have to put up with it. But if it makes you feel any better, a lot of perfectly responsible drinkers have to put up with the same sort of not-so-subtle judgment from non-drinkers. Especially here in the states.

Post # 8
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

So you would probably hate me then, but when I find out someone doesn’t drink I want to know why. My reason is that if they have a moral objection to drinking, I would like to know ahead of time so I wouldn’t talk about it in a way that offends the person. If they morally object, I probably wouldn’t drink in front of them either, because I don’t need that judgement. When Fiance has told me his friends don’t drink, I don’t ask them about it though, I just verify with him ahead of time that it’s not a moral objection. But when I met my Fiance in college, it turned out he didn’t drink and I did ask him why. Turns out he just thought there were 2 kinds of drinking: none at all, or binge drinking like most college students on campus. I guess I’m an asshole, but I’m glad I asked. 

Edit: though to be fair, I never demand to know whether someone doesn’t drink when they don’t order alcohol. I would never ask anything unless the person specifically announced that they don’t drink. 

Post # 9
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

No one should ever give someone else a hard time about not drinking. But to add another perspective, I think that when you’re with a group of people and everyone’s drinking, you feel comfortable getting a little sillier and louder because everyone else is too. If one person isn’t drinking, it’s sort of like…well are they going to be judging us while we get a little silly and loud? Like I said, I would never harass someone about drinking or not drinking. It’s not my business. Just adding this as a possible explanation for the behavior in question.

Post # 10
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I drink, but not very much at a time. I’m a lightweight so I’ve never had more than 3 in a sitting. When I’m driving I don’t drink at all because I can feel that one drink (which I assume means its no longer safe for me to drive). I remember being really upset on my 21st birthday when my new friend (coworker of a  day who clearly had no idea she was a lightweight) pressured me to have more than 2 drinks. I had to get my room mate (who doesn’t drink) to convince her that I didn’t need anymore (I told her before hand that I can have two drinks but no more and I’m always good about that limit). It drives me nuts when people tell me I should drink more or bother me about why I’m not drinking. And my reasons  are always “I’m driving” or “I’m a lightweight”. I don’t understand why they have to ask, or why saying no thank you once isn’t good enough.

Post # 11
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

So I turned 21 back in April, and have had three Mike’s hard Lemonades since then. I am not a drinker either, and Fiance is 25 and has never touched alcohol in his life. Not a drop. His mother is a severe alcoholic and his father’s side has a very long history of alcoholism. As for me, I watched my oldest brother wind up in a treatment facility from drugs and alcohol at a very young age. He’s now 34 years old, and is FINALLY clean. But those things make an impact on you.

Like I said, I’ve had three drinks (can you even consider Mike’s alcohol? LOL!) since April. I don’t ever order a drink when we’re out at dinner, it just doesn’t appeal to me. And I still get questioned why I don’t. Fiance and I were even camping last year and I got a 20 minute lecture on “why beer is so awesome and you should drink” from one of our friend’s girlfriend’s.  

I don’t mind alcohol, but I am with you in wishing that people would not be so offended if a person chooses not to drink. If you don’t want to drink, then you don’t want to drink. You should be respectful of peoples’ decisions. 

My rule is that if I feel like (or someone else feels like) they need to drink to be around a certain group of people and have a good time, then that’s not a place you want to be anyway. 

Post # 12
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I was diagnosed with a mild form of epilepsy, which is ridiculous because I feel fine and in my whole life I’ve only experienced 1 seizure and it was when I was 22 yrs. old! So the medication is for preventative reasons, oh and my license was suspended, ugh!!!!

I have experienced something like that, sort of, but I guess you can say it’s my own fault. During high school and college I was a big partier. Yes I would do a lot of underage drinking (I know bad).  It’s not like my parents encouraged it, but when I turned 18, they had no problem with me drinking around them, my parents are Mexican and in Mexico the legal age is 18, and I guess they felt it was a more suitable age than the 21 here in the U.S. (I agree, you can buy a gun at 18, but not have a drink?). Anyway, a lot of my friends knew me as a very social person and would drink, so once they found out I could no longer drink they would constantly tell me “come on just one” or “just a little bit” it was very frustrating and annoying! I’ve gotten it from other people that I have just met too, ugh!

Honestly, I don’t even miss it! I have a blast either way lol!

Post # 13
5400 posts
Bee Keeper

@mrssrm:  I can’t drink because of health problems, but believe me you don’t have to tell me twice how awesome it is. 

Post # 15
1381 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I actually find it honorable when people opt to not drink..!  Really, alcohol consists of empty calories and causes you to bloat.  I still don’t like the taste even though I occasionally have a drink (purely for the buzz haha).

My entire family doesn’t drink either, but that’s also because we’re Asian and we can’t tolerate alcohol really well.  I’m probably not going to drink at my own wedding (until the photographers stop shooting at least), because my face turns BEET RED if I do.  My body just doesn’t metabolize it like others can… sigh.

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