Any of you get sad when you got close to TTC your first?

posted 2 months ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
4359 posts
Honey bee

Yes! I am 32, DH is 36, and we just started TTC. We only met 3 years ago and have been married just five months. I wish we had another decade to just enjoy each other, but we want to have a few kids so figured we better get the ball rolling.

I am really excited about TTC, but also totally relate to “mourning” our relationship and all the freedom we’ll lose once we have kids. It’s a tough thing. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t envy couples who were able to be together for many years before TTC. But………that wasn’t in the cards for us. Oh well!

Post # 3
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Oh, I totally get this. We get married next August and will both be 33, me almost 34 when we marry. We are slightly on the fence about kids. Both always thought we would, but as you say, so much to do!

We have a great life and I’m really scared to give that up. But I’m really scared if we leave it too late then we might not have the chance to have kids. 

We both love to travel and we enjoy sailing holidays – which can be family friendly but not great for pregnant women/toddlers necessarily so that immediately would change for a while.

I work for a great employer with great maternity perks, but the reality of childcare in London is that it’s unlikely to make sense to work full time after kids and before they go to school and that will undoubtedly affect my career path.

 

I feel utter terror at having to figure this out sometimes and how pressured we might feel after we get married. So no help to you, but I empathise!

 

Post # 4
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Yes it’s completely normal to be anxious about change, I went through my TTC nerves a few month before we actually started. I’ve been with my DH for 4 years and we just got engaged/married this summer. Of course I wish we had many many more years just the two of us, but we are overjoyed with the hope of having children to complete out family. Timing for children is never ideal, and it’s definitely not saying that you can’t do things on your list before a little one arrives. 

Post # 5
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

Yeah, I’m nervous. I figured I’ll never feel completely “ready” to give up all the comforts of being child-free, but it’s okay to take a step without feeling subjectively ready if I made a logical decision that it’s for the best. I’m trying to spend lots of quality time with DH now so it will already be a habit when the chaos comes.

Post # 6
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Being perfectly honest we were sad too. We’ve been together for a decade already but for 5 of those years I was a mature student so we were broke AF and I was studying all the time so didn’t really get to enjoy it as such. While we are looking forward to children, we have a great lifestyle now so it’s hard to say goodbye to carefree, brunch-filled days being DINKs. 

Post # 7
Member
2574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m definitely feeling a bit mournful about the idea of our relationship changing with the introduction of a baby. We’re going to start TTC after our first anniversary when I’ll be 36 and he’ll be 38. I love our life right now. We can just pick up and go whenever we want. We can sleep in late every weekend. We have 4 trips planned over the next 6 months. I’m going to miss all of that. If we were younger we’d put it off, and I hate the fact that I feel like I’m on someone else’s schedule, even though it really is my “clock” that’s pushing things forward. 

Post # 9
Member
740 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Cottage

lowkeybridetobe :  Yes I totally get what you’re saying. We have been together since May 2012, lived together since June 2012…so seems like we have had enough just us time but it doesnt feel like it. Im 32, DH is 40. We got married this past June.. and we were planning on TTC in Aug but decided to push it back till next August due to finances, being fat and family drama. Im currently looking for a ft job, loosing weight slower than I like, and working on my mental state after cutting out toxic family.

Even with the TTC pushed back I feel like it’s not enough time.. and we are contemplating pushing back by another 6-12 months. But we also have no idea how TTC will go, neither of us has kids. Initially (early in our  relationship) we wanted 2 kids with 3 years in between… now we are thinking either 2 kids with about 18 months in between or 1 and done. I kinda wanted kids to be in school before DH hits 50. Im leaning more towards 1 and done and DH says lets have 1 and see how we do and maybe a 2nd one quickly after?  We’ll see. 

I so wish I’d met him sooner and that we were in a better place financially.. We would have already had 2 kids by now. *sigh*

Post # 10
Member
6450 posts
Bee Keeper

I can’t recall feeling sad as such but yes it would have been lovely to have the time just us. I wouldnt change anything in a weird way as I know we are lucky to have our little family but we met later in life (37/39), and although we got on with it and had a fairly short engagement etc we knew we were playing a biological time game with delaying until after the wedding, so we knew we had to try sooner rather than later. 

Post # 11
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m not yet married, but I feel the smae way! I have PCOS, and I’m 27, so I know we can’t wait too long to TTC, because I’ll likely have fertility issues. At the same time, I just want more time with just FI and me. I wish we had met younger!

Post # 12
Member
3003 posts
Sugar bee

FYI, FMLA doesn’t kick in until a year, so if you get pregnant immediately, you might not qualify for FMLA and the length of your leave may be subject to your employer’s approval. 

Post # 13
Member
7368 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Yup! There isn’t a single thing about our no-kid relationship that I would change, so it can be scary thinking about what the future holds. I think it’s normal (and actually a good thing… better to bring a baby into a great relationship than one that seems to be lacking something and hope that the baby will fill the gap).

Whenever I get a bit down thinking about things we do today that we won’t easily be able to do ~5 months from now, I just tell myself that different doesn’t mean bad. It’ll be a new normal that’ll be amazing in all of its own ways. 😊

Post # 14
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sorry I don’t have much to add to the being sad part, except that I too was worried about my life changing and it no longer being just the 2 of us, free to do what we want. But I mostly felt compelled to post to warn you about FMLA-  I believe most states require you to be with your current employer for 12 months before taking FMLA. So if you plan to find a new job in June and TTC the following month, you likely won’t qualify unless you wait a few months. I’m sorry- definitely look into the rules in your state, but that jumped out at me since I took FMLA for the birth of my son and read up on the rules. We really need better maternity leave laws. But anyway, best of luck with everything and congratulations on your marriage!

Post # 15
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I had a major oh shit moment and questioned whether or not we were truly ready. It’s a HUGE step to take! I found once we were actually TTC, while there were things we wanted, if we accomplished one or two of them, I was happy. We have a 14 month old and I’m pregnant with our second and being parents now feels so right. 

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