(Closed) Any older brides bummed about friends involvement?

posted 6 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 3
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I havent gotten to that point yet,but I can see that being an issue. Have you thought about doing something maybe a little more low key for your B-party, like a spa day, etc? I have to say I am honestly over the bar scene and really do not want to participate in anything that involves binge drinking and drunk guys rubbing on me.

The shower, on the other hand, is kinda surprising. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way, espcially since you put in your best effort for all of their parties. It seems as you get older (I’m 33) you have less and less “friends” and more of what you describe, just  few people you can really rely on!

Post # 4
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I understand somewhat about what you’re saying. Things are a bit different when you marry later in life, while most of your friends have already “been there and done that” and now have multiple children of varying ages. It doesn’t necessarily make these friends any less happy or excited for you, but it may affect their availability to do things independent of their family obligations, and it also may have an impact on their pool of available resources. 

Most of my friends married in their 20s, a few in their 30s, and one — like I did — in her 40s. I am very blessed and thankful that some of my bridesmaids hosted an incredibly beautiful shower for me, and I had many wonderful, special friends attend that event. However, I didn’t really have a “bachelorette” party, and I sometimes think it would have been fun to have gone out to dinner with a group of my girlfriends. I should note that my two “in town” bridesmaids did come over one night to have pizza with me and to talk about marriage, so I think that technically was my bachelorette evening, and that was still very nice. 

ETA: I probably should note that, because of my faith, regardless of the age at which I married, I definitely would not have wanted a “traditional” bachelorette party (i.e. one that involved guys or alcohol.)

Post # 5
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I know how you feel. My Maid/Matron of Honor is my best friend from college, but she is married with a new baby.  Plus she live 2 and half hours from me and can’t just drop everything and come up for dress shopping and stuff like that.    Most of my friends are already married so with kids and have very busy lives.  I am very thankful that I have a FH that has been to every wedding planning event.  Even shopping for my dress.

Post # 6
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@lmoss78:  I’m still in my 20s but I feel like I’ve seen a lot of posts similar to this. I think you are being very understanding and just are bummed for very good reasons. It can be hard sometimes when you being upset is legitimate, but your friends’ actions (or inactions) are legitimate as well!  I feel like after reading posts like these, that I really do hope that I can try to be mindful of issues like this for friends who get married later and try to show how much I care and am excited for them!

Post # 7
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m 32 and I hear you.  I’m sorry because I know how much this hurt me even though it was really only my oldest friend that made me sad.

I’m lucky that most of my married with/without kids friends were awesome, but I did have one friend in particular that often went out of her way to be…lets say, unsupportive.  She had just had a second baby so I completely understood that she wouldn’t be able to come to pre wedding events, but it was the way she went about it that hurt.  She was helping to plan my shower and, not only did she not show up to the shower (which, given the new baby was understandable), but she didn’t call my friend who was hosting to cancel and left her hanging with regards to the games (which I was sort of thankful for- hate games!- but it really ticked off my friend). 

Basically, it wasn’t that she bailed on everything, it was her attitude about it.  Even before she had the baby, she kept implying that my wedding was an inconveinence, started late, was the wrong kind of party for people with families (“I’d understand some day”). She got pissy about me not inviting kids even though of course the new baby was welcome, and complained the night of the wedding that the music was too loud for the kid and that her toddler (who wasn’t invited) was very upset that she wasn’t allowed to come, etc etc.

I kept thinking that I wouldn’t have been so bothered by her attitude as much if she just didn’t complain about all the choices I made, you know?  

All this is to say, you are definitely not alone.  🙂

Post # 8
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@bearlove:  That’s exactly it!

Post # 9
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Absolutely feel you. I get it that my wedding is not the be all end all but I was the same way when all of my friends got married and now that it’s my turn it’s like crickets.  It sucks but what are you going to do. I still have a few more friends that will get married and I’m going to make sure that they don’t get the short end of the stick when it comes to their wedding. 

Post # 10
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My oldest friend is organising the pre-wedding stuff all my girls have been awesome even the ones that have 4 kids!! I even have a 7 month pregnant friend coming to the hens do (bachelorette). I also have some awesome new friends (some are in there 50s) who are so psyched for the party and wedding and I think your friends should be there for you unless they are giving birth, or broke. Nothing else cuts it, get a sitter & have some fun. Im 33 my friends will organise something that they think I will enjoy (and therefore your friends should as well) saying your too old, or past it doesnt count. My married mum friends count down for nights out of the house! Appreciate those friends you can rely on they will be there in the future, who wants any cat bum faced girls there who would be no fun anyway! Not me. 

Post # 12
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I guess I’m lucky: most of my friends either got married also in their 30’s (i.e., within the last couple of years), are still single, or are older than me (in their 40’s and 50’s), with grown kids.

That said, my best friend, who got married at 31, won’t be able to come to the wedding because she has a 2-year-old now and will be way too pregnant to fly by the time my wedding rolls by (she lives two countries away). THAT’s bumming me out… I get it, but it sucks.

Post # 13
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

yep i here ya loud and clear, im 32 and getting enough people to rsvp is finding it hard, our wedding is in 3 weeks and actually have more girls coming to the hens then the wedding lol whats up with that ?? me and my partner waited until we had our business up and running and were in a great spot before we decided to take the plunge all our friends got married early and divorced and we waited and there attitude is oh well its just a wedding .

 

Post # 14
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’ve felt this too, I’m the laaaaaast to get married, by a long shot. But I’ve also felt the opposite too, I’m kind of glad, because I don’t even remember some of my friend’s weddings it was so long ago, and I feel like now we are in a better position to appreciate it and celebrate it now when I’m the only one!

Post # 15
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

This is all very interesting,  most of my friends are actually singles and want me to have the big blow out everything because there haven’t been any in our group (we’re a group from grade school even though we’re almost 30 now and will be by the marriage) and I think there is loss of hope on a grand scale and somehow I broke free  and I’d actually plan to elope.  

Post # 16
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@lmoss78:  I’m having the same issue. I did everything you did- the plane tickets, rental cars, dresses, hotels, showers, etc . . .  I decided that I would send out save the dates early so people could plan well in advance. I even broke down on my no kids wish because so many friends have little ones. I know that some people won’t come,  but I also know that some friends are like me and wouldn’t miss my wedding come hell or high water.  Focus on the people that will be there and not on those who won’t be. It’s your day so have as much fun as possible.

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