(Closed) Any older waiting bees?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m not in your situation now, but I was 37 and never married when I met my H.  We got married 11 months and 6 days after the night we met!  So what I’m saying is DON’T wait – there’s no reason to!

Post # 3
1595 posts
Bumble bee

I am in my early 40s and I am no longer “waiting” – we got engaged a few months ago, but I wanted to respond because I TOTALLY understand how you are feeling!!

I did have a bit of a timeline in my head…we started “shacking up” together pretty early on…after 6 months, he moved in (he was renting, I own my house)…we had a discussion then that if he moved in, it was to make sure we were compatible and that we were both looking to get married…after a year and a half, there still wasn’t a ring…I knew I wanted to marry him and we had a pretty candid discussion…I said then that the commitment of marriage was important to me and I wanted to get married…I think after you live with someone for 2 years, you know if you want to marry them…if you don’t know, you probably don’t want to take the relationship to the next level…which is totally ok – you can’t MAKE someone love you and want to spend their life with you…I simply asked for him to let me go if that was the case…while I didn’t give him a timeline, I figured by the time we reached 2 1/2 years, if there was no ring, no discussion, no progression, then we needed to discuss an exit strategy…(fortunately, it didn’t come to that)

I think when you are older, it is a different dynamic – I don’t think there is anything wrong with having a candid discussion about wants, needs and expectations.

Post # 5
259 posts
Helper bee

I am 44 and my BF is 42. We started dating in May, 2012 so we’re heading dangerously close to 4 years dating with no ring 🙁

I have school-aged children (one in High School) so I am limited as to where I can move. I was married previously for over 10 years to my ex. BF owns his own home 45 min away in a bordering state, and he was also married but had no children. Anywho…..I thought we were getting engaged last April and that didn’t materialize. We’ve had 2 serious talks since that point about our future. He is more content with the situation as it is now than I am, and I won’t lie it’s worries me. He is not a huge fan of change and is comfortable with the situation as it is, but he knows marriage is a non-negotiable for me and it’s something i’ve wanted from the start. I have 2 more months of heavy-duty schooling and hopefully a promotion so at that point, I am going to need to know if i’m moving forward without him or with him. At my age, 4 years of having a boyfriend and spending time with each other and my kids is more than enough time for him to know where he and I stand. I love him very much and want a future with him, but i’m not bringing it up anymore, he knows the deal. He did look at rings a few weeks ago, and has some $ saved up, so that’s progress. 

Good luck to you OP, a few of us “older” bees are in the same situation and it’s nice to have someone to bounce things off of. 

Post # 6
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m 34 and never married.  Met my SO and knew on our second date that he was it.  That feeling was mutual  We’ve been really happy ever since and I think we’ll be engaged fairly soon.  We both want children, so it helps that we are on the same page there.  We’re not moving in together as we both own our own homes. We’ll sell his and rent mine and buy a home together once we’re engaged/married.  He knows I don’t want to wait much longer to start planning a wedding, and he’s so good to me that I don’t think he’ll keep me waiting much longer.

Post # 7
419 posts
Helper bee

34 and never married. We’ve been dating just over two years, and I think we’ll be engaged soon. We began talking about marriage early. I had been single a long time, so it was more me coming to terms with not being all by myself anymore (not about being single but about being so married to my independence). I own my own home. He’s divorced.

I actually love where we are age wise. We have also known each other for years but lost touch when he got married (for about nine years). But he grew a lot coming out of his marriage, and I now know what I want after having been single and listening to my married girlfriends for years. We both communicate well and love our relationship. Can’t wait to make it forever! (Cheesy as that sounds)

Post # 8
38 posts

41 here.  BF is also 41.  I’m divorced.  He’s never been married, engaged or even lived with anyone.  He’s always been a career guy and never sought out a long-term relationship.  I live with him. Long story how we met, but we’ve known one another for over 25 years.  Neither of us has or wants kids.  Both love travel and have gone on several trips, one international.

We’ve been together about a year and a half.  Around the holidays I got a little anxious to get married or engaged.  A few days ago I brought it up and just asked his thoughts on marriage.  He believes in the “noble institution of marriage” as he worded it.  BUT he says he’s never imagined himself getting married.  Truthfully, I was let down to learn this.  But after much thought and soul searching, I am at peace with it.  I point blank asked him if he was implying that my future with him was unstable and he said no.  While I hope he’ll someday change his mind, I have decided to just love him as he is and not how I would make him. I’d never want to change him in any way – I’d rather he do any changing on his is own.  

I have decided to simply enjoy each day with him and not dwell on the subject of marriage if I can help it.  


Post # 9
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m 38 and Fiance is 43. By the time the wedding roles around I’ll be 41. We’ve been  dating for almost 3 yrs.

Post # 10
1452 posts
Bumble bee

I’m 45 (widowed at 30), my soon to be Fiance is 38.  We were LTR for 6 years and are moving forward now.  He moved cross country to an apartment 10 minutes from my house (I refuse to let him move in until we’re BOTH sure).  But, yes, I’m an older waiting bee.

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