(Closed) Any one else feel purpose-less after the wedding?

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I can relate. At first, the weight of it all felt enormous. I kept thinking about the daily mundane things and it sounded awful! I’m fine now.

We have 0 intention of having children any time soon-if at all. I’m focusing on my career. We have started some hobbies together (biking and kayaking). We also plan to travel lots. It helps to have those things to look forward to.

Post # 18
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I feel you..been thinking exactly the same thing..only we did go to our honeymoon an returned almost 2 weeks ago. We had a magnificent wedding, a stunning honeymoon and i am very happyly married alright..but now i understand why newlyweds start thinking about babies shortly afterwards..NOT us as we have already 3 kids (1 is ours), so i am asking where does this sadness and lack of energy comes from.

I am an obsessed person – the moment i am into something, heart and soul, i don’t stop and i am thrilled while living any current obsession. That was the wedding planning. Now what? Sure, we have a living-room to renovate..but i have to insist so much about it with my husband (hurray, first time i write “husband” here or anywhere else!) that i am lacking the drive..

Post # 19
Member
6414 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m the same way… I just feel so lost. Now I’m trying to plan my sister’s baby shower. I’m also helping other people plan weddings since I had a lot of people ask at my wedding. I had so much fun I could actually see this being a career.

Post # 20
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t exactly feel purposeless but the stress that I was partially putting down to the wedding definitely wasn’t just caused by the wedding so now I’m having to work out what’s actually wrong. I’ve just left my old job (which may have been the cause) and I’m hoping that helps too (I have a new job to go to which should be less stressful). 

I tend to be at my worst when I can’t just focus on my husband. We spend a lot of time together just hanging out and having fun, so when I’m alone that’s when I start obsessing.

Sadly, I went through a phase of convincing myself that my wedding wasn’t good enough and looking for validation through others (believe me, that didn’t end well). Now I’m coming to terms with the fact that people weren’t just telling us that our wedding rocked to make me feel better (seriously, that’s the level of low self-esteem and paranoia that I’ve been at) and that possibly the same is true in other parts of my life.

On a happier note, I have a new project to work on and we’re doing up the house. So hopefully it’ll all start to come together soon.

Post # 21
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I already have projects planned for after the wedding.  I have always had lots of hobbies, but wedding planning sucks up so much time that it’s hard to fit in too much else, especially as the day gets really close.

Post-wedding, we’re going to be house hunting, so that will take up plenty of our time.  Once we find a place, it’ll be cleaning/moving/decorating.  Then I want to learn to crochet, and try my hand at making some baby clothes for all the new babies in my family.

I’m thankful to already have other projects in my sights, because I get bored so easily with too much downtime.  I can easily see where the post-wedding slump comes from.

Post # 22
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

As soon as our wedding was over I was totally over it. I didn’t want to look or talk about anything wedding related. I am so happy it is all over and I can get back to doing regular life things with my husband.

Post # 23
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I was relieved.  I hated wedding planning.  Such a huge timesuck!  It is so nice to have my evenings and weekends back.  I have a full time job, plenty of friends and family to hang out with, and I live in an interesting place.  Wedding planning took away from the things in life I normally enjoy.

Post # 24
Member
356 posts
Helper bee

What did you do before you got engaged?

Post # 25
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@mrsjapley:  ditto that, every single word.  I was so over the wedding stuff and just wanted to get back to life as usual with my man.

Post # 26
Member
2357 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@ElbieKay:  I agree.  I can’t wait for this wedding to be over so I can just live my life with my husband!  I’ll get to read books for fun and not feel guilty!  I’ll never have to tie a ribbon on a bubble tube again!!

Post # 27
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I totally know how you feel.  I’ve been married just over two months now and I still feel slightly disjointed after the wedding.  I actually find it difficult to look at the wedding sites/blogs, etc. that I was looking at every day prior to the wedding.  But now that some time has passed, it’s getting easier and I’m finding ways to fill up my day.  

The reality that it’s over is a hard thing to accept.  We had and still have a lot of transiiton going on in our lives.  We also moved to a new city, far from family, new jobs, new life and I think the wedding planning was a great buffer from feeling the full weight of those big changes. 

Anyway…everyone is different, but I totally know how you’re feeling.  It’s actually very comforting to know others are experiencing this exact same feeling.  

Post # 28
Member
2396 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I did not expect to somedays feel sad after the wedding. It was a relief to be done with it, but in some ways I wish it was just next week or a month out from the wedding still, so I could look forward to seeing everyone again.

I packed up everything right away and cleared out the wedding stuff we dont need…it was making me too sad to have it sitting around. I dry cleaned my dress and put it away…I wish I could wear it again, I loved it so much.

Now I am focusing on grad school, leaving my job so I can spend more time at school, my house, my dog, fitness, and catching up on all the projects I abandoned for the wedding (closet redo, scrapbooking, to name a few). Eventually we will get our Pro pics back and I will have to do our albums, etc. I’m glad I’ve had a little bit of time now before they come in, since I think I will be a little sad…thank you notes and the albums are the very last of the wedding tasks I have left to do.

The thing that makes me saddest is that I dont always feel as though I should still come on here. I am not planning, or TTC, so I feel sort of stupid. However, it’s the only way to pass time at work. I also feel a little sad when I go on netflix and all the wedding related shows/movies are popping up since I watched a ton of them pre-wedding.

I’ll admit…I’ve felt a little lost. Am afraid to admit it to DH or anyone IRL because he will think I am stupid. I dont feel purpose-less, but I have been secretly grieving a little bit.

Post # 29
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Clark Gardens

Nope, but I went and got myself knocked up almost immediately so I’ve been busy with that 😉

Post # 30
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@HappilyEverAfter54:  

Me too!!I’ve actually helped a wedding planner (!) with a timeline, based on mine 🙂

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