Post # 1
i started my teaching degree as a single mum when my eldest was 10months old. because it was just me and him, it was easy. He was a preemie so he was a very late developer and was a very very easy going baby ( and still is a very easy going boy) When he turned 15months old and became active (only just started crawling and getting into things and didnt walk till he was nearly two) he went to day care three days a week. thanks to our government there is a great amount of financial assistance for single mums who choose to study or find work. As a result, studying online full time was easy and I consitently scored high distinctions for my work.
fast forward 3.5 years… I have reconciled with his dad, we are engaged and now have another child.. she is now 16months old. we no longer qualify for finanical any assistance… and cant afford daycare. to top it off… she is so high maintainence. she needs constant attention, is moody, jelous of me being on the lap top, jelous of her brother, needs to be played with all day… in contrast to my son, she is an early developer (walked at 10months) and is a very intellegent child. so is my son.. but she is super dooper smart.. she is almost on the cognitive level of a child 6 months older than her… just to throw it in for the nature vs nurture argument regarding intelligence my childrens father has an IQ of 134 (top 1%).
As a result, I am really struggling big time… i am too far in the semester to pull out or drop units. I find myself picking up and entertaining kids all day. then at night i am too tired to put in quality study time. it sucks. for the first time in my life i scored a credit for an assignment. I was highly embarrased.
My daughter only sleeps for an hour during the day if im lucky and it is not enough sleep for her because by 4pm she is impossible. What makes it hard is that she is a screamer. if she is upset, angry, happy, sad, crying, laughing… its all with a high pitched blood curdling scream. I am ready to put her on the curb with a sign around her neck saying ‘free to good home’. Some days i think i hate her. And this makes me feel so guilty, ungrateful and ashamed. Because I really struggled to keep pregnant with her and have a hard time in all pregnancys.
Dont get me wrong. I love her to bits and my son… She is beautiful, smart, warm, affectionate and completes our family… but, i am not coping very well. I feel like i am treading water with one leg. I am scared I am going to snap soon and do something i regret and can never take back.
Honestly, If i pass any of my units this semester it will be a miracle.
Post # 3
@wifey2be: Oh my, does your fi know you feel this way? Can you hire a nanny just for an hour a day even so you can study or unwind?
Post # 4
We honestly cant afford it after all the utilities and mortgage is paid we have $150/week to feed and clothe two adults, two children under 4 and a very hungry 11yr old boy (FI’s first born). He is the bread winner so i can stay at home and finish this degree. He works 60+ hours a week to do this.
I have allready taken a year off to have my daughter because I was very high risk and she spent the first 6 weeks in an out of hospital due to low blood platelets and re- occuring jaundice. She was also a very colicky infant and had severe reflux which required meds.
The quicker I can finish my degree, the quicker I can rejoin the workforce and we can live again. So I feel like the quality of our families life is up to me and as a result I have put so muc pressure on myself. I want to be a great mum to my kids, excell in my studies, keep an organised clean and tidy home, keep my FI happy, make time for friends… but Im not. and I feel like Im sucking at it all. My FI tells me not to worry so much.. But I feel that it is my fault for putting us in this situation. I could drop out and go back to hairdressing but I hate it and my body (shoulders) are pretty much messed up because of it.
As it is, I get up at 6am to the kids, get them ready for school and take them… then deal with either one or two kids throughout the day depending whether its my 4yr olds kindy day… then by the time dinner, dishes, kids bathed and in bed and the house is put back in order its nearly 8.30-9pm before i can hit the books… then im usually up untill 3am to get what i need done done. Im exhausted. But i cannot complain because of all my FI does for us.
Post # 5
@wifey2be: Do you have any close relations that wouldn’t mind taking her off your hadns for an hour or two a few days a week? It might give you a little time to study.
And if you find any time (what time lol), maybe try and have her swim or play as much as possible to wear her out so she’ll sleep for longer.
Post # 6
@wifey2be: Probably obvious, but do you have any family or in laws who might be able to take the kids for a few hours while you study?
What about a neighbour, if you’re close to them?
Post # 7
@wifey2be: It sounds to me like you are working more than your FI, and even though he’s working long hours, he needs to pull his weight more at home. Why can’t he cook, or do dishes, or bathe the kids? What is he doing in the evenings? You need to have a talk to him about even-ing up the load.
And if you do fail a subject, it’s not the end of the world, there’s always next year.
p.s. why have you lost government financial support? Is it because you live with your partner? But you should still be getting both Family Benefit A and B. Are you?
Post # 8
@wifey2be: I’m a part time hair dresser and omg I know what you mean about the shoulders! Do you have any friends who you could ask for help? I know if any of my friends asked me to help them out I wouldn’t hesitate! I know your fi works a lot but you also seem over worked, you need a helping hand!
Post # 9
My FI does help when he can, and tries to take up the slack on the weekends, when he isnt working or having to travel for work. He helps with dressing the little ones… but dishes, cleaning up, cooking dinner, and bathing the kids are up to me. sometimes he will bath them, but im usually doing another job.
Yes we do live together now. FI earns about 5k/ year too much for us to get assistance for daycare. I do get A and B family tax, and that is what gives us the 150/week for food.
Our former acocuntant stuffed up big time with his business by giving us the wrong advice and as a result we now owe the tax department over $30k. To meet their payment demands over one half of FI’s earnings per week go to the ATO. Centrelink or child support however do not recognise this huge deficit in our income. He also has to pay $100/week child support even though we have him 60% of the time. We could get child support reduced if we really fought with it, but we dont because (A) dealing with child support is more infuriating than centrelink and (B) his eldest sons mum is with a hard drinking abusive pot smoking loser who gambles most of his money away.. and relys on us to provide for this boy.
Post # 10
I’m going to be honest here – I’m studying online and working full time through Open uni. I’m doing 2 units a semester. I leave home at 5.30 am every day to go to gym before work, and don’t get home until about 7 pm, and I’m in bed by 10.30.
While I’m not going to say working full time is the same as being a SAHM, I will say that you probably have more opportunities to do study than I do during the week. You really need to prioritise your studies as per what’s most important. Do you need to read 100 pages every week? Or is it better to just read the lectures and get a head start on your assignment? Try to focus on ‘quality study’ over ‘quantity’ of study.
Don’t stress over a C on an assignment. While it’s not ideal, it’s a pass, and getting upset over it will just create anxiety and frustration the next time you do an assignment. P’s get degrees! And when you get your degree, almost no one will care about your GPA – it doesn’t say so on your certificate. (I already have a degree, and really, I can’t really what I got for any of my assignments, let alone my grade. I got my degree, that’s the main thing).
Make sure your FI is helping more. I get my best work done between Sunday lunch time and Sunday dinnertime – my SO cooks on a Sunday, so I don’t have to worry. Your FI needs to step up and help on the weekends, even if that’s him keeping the kids out of your hair or out of the house for a good 4-6 hours on a Saturday or Sunday.
I’m guessing you are pretty close to finished now anyway. right? Teaching is a 3 year degree + your teaching rounds (that’s if you did two subjects a semester). So really, if you can hang on for a bit longer, and do your best, you will be laughing! I tell myself that every week that goes by is another week closer to finishing.
🙂 Good luck for the rest of the semester.
Post # 11
I think I saw you live in Australia? I might be wrong!
Have you ever thought about getting an Au Pair? I used to work as one and think it could help you out. As an Au Pair I worked five days a week and was paid between 200-250 per week. If you were able to get a part time job during the week, say three days a week or something that would pay for the aupair and some. Then you would have two full days a week where you could go to a library or a coffee shop and work on your school work! I loved being an au pair and did lots for my family, I did all their laundry and cooked breakfast for the kids, packed their lunch and prepped dinner for the entire family.
Hope it all works out!