Post # 1
Well, we are set to be married and to make a long story short, we are not your typical bride and groom. We have spoke of kids and I have never really wanted children. Its a lot to get into but know that I love children very much and have been blessed to be a part of several friends and family members having children and all the joy that brings. Kids are an absolute blessing and a lot of joy, but also a lot of work and stress and commitment.
Here comes where i am stumped. Although I have never wanted children of my own, I love the thought of adopting a child and have talked to my future husband about this. Are there any other mothers have chosen to adopt over having their own children? Are there any women out there who have adopted due to medical difficulties that would be willing to share your thought process and all the details that go with it.
I am going to school to be a social worker and adopting has always been something that I have found to be amazing. I know that we would make great parents. I love to cook and bake and garden and would be super excited to have a little one to do that for and my hubby loves fishing and playing sports so I know that he would be out their coaching their pee wee foot ball team.
I guess I just am looking for some guidance and feelings about this.
Post # 3
My sister and brother-in-law have done just that. Adopted two daughters internationally, one is 7 and the other is 2 1/2. They never tried to have biological children. The girls are loved and cared for in the family just the same as all of the other children in our lives.
Three important considerations:
1) Do you want to adopt domestically or internationally? Although domestically can be faster, cheaper, and provide you with a newborn (potentially), there are more issues with birth parents, open vs. closed adoption, etc. (In many international adoptions, birth parents are unknown. This creates another unique set of problems, but reassures some parents.)
2) Do you want a young infant? A toddler? An older child? This will help guide you into domestic or international territory, or possibly foster care leading to adoption.
3) Are you open to special needs? These can be minimal (cleft lip) to more serious (heart defects). Most countries allow you to select whether or not you’re open to that option, and place you appropriately. Something to think about before you start the formal paperchase.
Good luck! You can private message me if you want more details about my family’s experience with adoption specifically 🙂
Post # 4
Hi there! Darling Husband and I are on the adoption journey. We selected our agency this past June and are slowly working our way through the application and onto the pre-adoption process. Our hope is to have that portion completed before the end of the year. We have not tried for biological children. I have some medical concerns that could be exasperated by pregnancy. Darling Husband didn’t want to chance losing me but we would like to be parents. So, domestic infant adoption was the right plan for us!
While I am very excited about our family’s future, I am finding myself sensitive to the reality our gain will be a tremendous loss for someone else. I imagine that is a unique challenge for adopting parents. I just keep my heart open and try to remember whatever is meant to be will be. :o)
Post # 5
How long is the process taking you? When did you start and do you know how much longer you will have until you bring your little one home? I am just wondering age wise. We wont be doing this for a while, but my fiance is 32 and I know he feels like he isn’t getting any younger. I am 27 and feel that I have all the time in the world. I however, dont want to burden our child with old parents so to speak. I want to be young enough to see all of the lifes journeys that our child will experience.
Post # 6
Surprisingly, according to our adoption agency, we are right in line age wise (I am 33 and Darling Husband is 36) with most first time adopters. I was worried we would skew older. That just isn’t the case. We started the process in June, had a little delay in July/August and are just resuming the process now. It takes a few month for the pre-adoption approval (homestudy, background checks, etc). After that, it is a waiting game. We were warned it could take several years before our LO found us. In our state, the adoption can not be finalized until six months after a placement. I can relate to your husband. I know how it feels when it seems time is passing you by. But, I wouldn’t give back the years I have had selfishly enjoying Darling Husband and our relationship. In my heart, I know I will find myself holding our baby exactly when we are ready to be the best parents we can be.
Post # 7
This is my PO and I apologize in advance if anyone feels offended as I know this is a sensitive issue.
I think that adopting is for people who are sincerely committed to raising a child regardless of the circumstances around it. I know a couple of people who have adopted because they couldn’t have biological children. One of the couples, miraculously got pregnant after they adopted and now you can see tell from a distance which child is adopted and which one is biological. I think that if you are trying to adopt and is something you really want to do, go for it. I think the same way. If both of you agree on the idea that having biological children is not necessarily a determining factor for the amount of love and care you will be giving your future kids then do it.
Post # 8
My Fiance and I will most likely need to adopt due to my own medical conditions and have already begun gathering information. Though I think it can be romanticized on the boards as “saving” a child, it will likely be a long, expensive, and potentially invasive (as far as providing medical records, home studies, etc.) process. You might want to lurk a little on the adoption boards on The Bump http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/4236700/ShowForum.aspx , as they have a lot of good info for people just starting out, and you can see the experiences (both joyous and difficult) of women who have begun their journey. Good luck!
Post # 9
Darling Husband and I are considering adopting instead of having bio children. We were on the fence about children in general but after many conversations we realized that children are a part of our future. I am like you in that adoption calls to me more than having a bio child. We haven’t fully committed to this idea yet, we have looked at agencies and talked extensively but the problem is that we like the idea of having a bio child as well. We like the idea of getting to experience all the stages of childhood, plus pregnancY, which we wouldnt get with international adoption (which is what we are looking at doing). So we can’t decide if we would rather have a bio child first or adopt first. Most forums and people I have talked to say that having a bio child first is better, so we will probably opt for that. This is our experience but if we decided we didn’t want a bio child we would move forward with the adoption, no problem.
Post # 10
Thanks for all the info and opinions ladies. This is really helpful and nice to know I am not the only one.