(Closed) any other atheist brides tired of justifying yourself?

posted 7 years ago in Secular
Post # 32
Member
481 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@rawrrrrr:  People are dumb. People think their beliefs are shared by everyone else.

You shouldn’t have to justify anything to anyone!

I am atheist and I want to get married. I haven’t run into any judgment and I don’t expect to but you never know.

Post # 33
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Nope, never got reactions like that; however, we did have a few people confused as to why we weren’t getting married in a church, and why we weren’t having a ‘religious’ ceremony. It seemed to be really off-putting to some people, and they literally could NOT understand how a ceremony was supposed to work without those two things.

Some people, I swear. Open your eyes! 

Sorry you’re going through this. Ignore those A-holes. You shouldn’t have to justify yourself to anyone. Let them think what they want; at least you know YOU are happy. 🙂

Post # 34
Member
585 posts
Busy bee

Atheist here! My SO has a vague belief in some kind of god-force out there, but he spends about 1% of his life thinking about it, hehe. It has no bearing on who he is or what he does. Our ceremony will be secular/non-religious.

Never had anyone question me or us about that… BUT, that’s probably because I’ve already gone through the process of disassociating with people who are judgmental religious fanatics, including most of my immediate family. 99% of my friends and family are socially liberal, artists, LGBT, or just non-judgmental believers of various faiths… so no one really cares.

Although, I have had to explain myself about my decision to legalize my union to some of my more free-spirited friends. 😉 But that’s mostly because I used to be hard-core opposed to marriage, so they were wondering what was up. All this is pretty ironic considering I live in southern Louisiana, lol!

Marriage is a legal institution anyway. In my heart, I’m already married. We are already completely committed. That part is done. The only reason we want to make it legal is just for the legal benefits. A party/ceremony, legal or not, is also a great way to communally announce your commitment… we thought about doing just that. But since we are going to buy a house, and because his work is quasi-dangerous, and for insurance and inheritance purposes, we’re going to make it legal.

A marriage is the relationship. Anything else is extra.

 

 

Post # 35
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

No one has said anything to us about our secular cermony, but then again most people won’t really know until the invites go out and they notice there’s no church address.  We were both raised Catholic but are agnostic/atheist now.  Our close family knows but they aren’t very religious, and some of them are just glad that I’m getting married to a “nice boy.”

I do have one “born again” aunt and cousin, and while I dont think they’ll say anything I’m sure we’ll get some super religious gift as a hint.  And I’m sure someone at Good Will will like it.

Post # 36
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

No, luckily we don’t have this problem although we are also agnostic / atheist. Most of our family and friends aren’t religious either. We’re not obnoxiously militant about it, and we’re a little older (early 30s), so it’s pretty accepted. 

Sorry you’re going through this, OP. Stay true to your beliefs but try not to offend anyone else for their beliefs either. 

Post # 37
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

@jigga143:  I see. Thanks for answering. Thank goodness we all grow up from our 13 year old minds!

Post # 38
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@SnoopDog:  I always laugh at people who say things like that and usually follow up with I didn’t realize God was handing out marriage licenses, could have sworn that was the State. 

Post # 39
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I was raised by a bunch of non-practicing Christians, so I’ve never really outed myself as an agnostic. Fiance is a believer (altough doesn’t attend church) so he just requested “some sense of religion” in the ceremony.

I’m telling people that I’m not getting married in a church for conveinance.

Post # 40
Member
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m in the same boat, getting married at 24, in the midwest, and an atheist. Fiance has got his own personal belief system that does not involve church. Future Mother-In-Law is like a fundie baptist.

Me being both atheist  and a scientist is like the end of the world apparently. We’ve been engaged for almost 4 months and she’s just starting to accept the idea. She’s still super unhappy about us getting married (c’mon lady we’ve been dating for 6.5 years you had to have had an inkling), but I think she’ starting to change tactics. We just visited home last weekend and Fiance left me alone with his mother and her friend to get grilled on GMOs which somehow turned into a conversation about my personal beliefs and how my thinking is wrong. Telling me I’m obligated believe in God because science is amazing and then ranting at me about how evolution is wrong not going to change what I believe. It was super uncomfortable and I hate being put on the spot like that.

We are not having a religious wedding…we are going to be in soooo much trouble.

Post # 41
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m surprised people would be so mean. Most people I know choose not to get married in a church these days. Maybe it’s just the people I know? Being an atheist seems fairly mainstream these days.

 

 

Post # 42
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Eckle:  My sympathies on the crazy fundie Mother-In-Law – my ex-MIL was the same way.  When my ex and I visited his parents, we stayed at her house (in separate rooms because we weren’t married yet), and when she was going through my things, she found a book.  One of the George R. Martin books if I recall correctly.  I got woken up to a 30 minute tirade of how reading un-Christian things was going to call the devil into my heart and something about going straight to hell.  I finally managed to gather myself enough to tell her that I hadn’t had my coffee yet, and could we finish this conversation after a shower and a bit of breakfast?  She was Displeased.  With a capital D.  She also managed to get her entire church to pray for my fertility after the wedding. 

Just smile and nod, she’s not going to listen to anything you say anyway.  File away the crazy under ‘funny stories to tell later’ and just laugh on the inside. 

Post # 43
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m athiest and will be getting married in November (me 23 and him 25). The only people who have mentioned anything to me were my parents for the most part. The only thing that kind of upset me, and I can kind of see where she is coming from but still, is my mom REALLY wanting me to get married in a church. I understand that’s her vew, but it’s not mine nor do I want it shoved down my throat. (Which I want to clarify that she did not nor has not done.) It was not going to happen. We’ll be getting married outside and having a completely non-religious ceremony. I will NOT tolerate it if anyone tries to add in religious things to OUR wedding; I’m sure someone will say something up until that morning about saying a prayer, reading a verse, etc. I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way and affend people, I just want it completely non-religious.

 

Post # 44
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Fiance actually told me he’d want me to tell his mom I believe in god, if asked. Though in three years, I never was asked. I was annoyed at first but I’m over it. Our area is a land of wannabe Catholics who never go to church. I lie to half my own family anyway.

Post # 45
Member
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@MariContrary:  The thing is she does listen to what I say about science (it’s my job so it comes up) and then tries to twist it around to prove creationism. She’s even dragged me and Fiance to a cerationism seminar…that was painful. Luckilly I will never have to stay at her house. I’ve got a ton of allergies and she’s got a zoo. Since Fiance and I are from the same hometown we just stay at my parent’s every time. Future Mother-In-Law forbade Fiance from reading Harry Potter for the same reason because aparently magic is bad. However he read these super violent gory Warhammer novels all the time and she obviously had no clue what they’re about.

Also praying for your fertility how creepy is that?! Ughh the thought gives me the heebie jeebies.

Post # 46
Member
9134 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@rawrrrrr:  Vent away.  I would make my reply equally snarky that since marriage became a state institution when they started selling marriage licenses, you just want to make sure you get all of his stuff if he dies in a car accident tomorrow or in 20 years.

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