(Closed) any other atheist brides tired of justifying yourself?

posted 7 years ago in Secular
Post # 47
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Eckle:  Oooh, I’ve heard those seminars are scary.  The worst I’ve seen was a baptism in a bathtub, and I was pretty horrified.  (I grew up Catholic).  And creepy was her reading bible verses at my cat.  Literally followed my poor boy around with the bible.  Seriously, the only way I stayed sane was telling myself that these stories will make someone laugh someday – that or get me locked up in an institution, because no one would ever believe this level of loony. 

Post # 48
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My family has never been partically religious, but for some reason they sent me to catholic school for 8 years and my mother was intent on me getting married in a church. My FI’s family is fairly religious (although they never attend church and seem to be the type who only participate on holidays). They continuallly get aggravated with me for my lack of belief (I’ve totally given up on posting anything on fb). I have no problem brushing off most of that and just reminding them that the marriage for us is more about the legal benefits – the wedding is to throw a party for everyone we love 🙂

I have had one friend ask me why I would want children, though. That hit me harder than the annoying wedding questions. He told me it was “wrong” to bring a child into the world when I felt that eventually he or she would just die and not go to an afterlife. Sigh.

I wish people would open their minds a little more sometimes. 

Post # 49
Member
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

BEYOND sick of it. Seriously. We keep hearing from certain people about how sad and disappointed they are that its not a church wedding… we are also somewhat militant in our atheism, in comparison to our quite religious family members. In fact, just to enforce the “no god gives us authority to be married ony we do,” we are choosing to get married in a nearby state that permits self-uniting (quaker style! :D) weddings. So we are marrying ourselves if the paperwork goes well. 

I keep a lot of info about the wedding on a need to know basis ONLY to avoid this kind of stuff.

Post # 50
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Our Baptist minister called me the other night and says “so, um, I noticed from reading over the ceremony stuff you sent me that there wasn’t a single prayer or scripture, was that on purpose?”

Me: “Umm, yeah, actually. It didn’t feel very authentic to include that stuff if we didn’t believe it.”

Him: “Okay then, just checking. It’s your wedding, I just want to make sure we’re all on the same page.”

 

I’ve gotten much much more grief about other aspects of my wedding — walking down the aisle with my fiancee, not including my sister in the wedding party, etc. No one has really directly said anything to me about it not being religious.

Post # 51
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My Fiance and I are both atheist and no one has said a word about our beliefs, or what they think there is a lack of.  We are our own individual people and are getting married because we love each other.  My brother who is disabled due to cerebral palsey is becoming ordained and he is doing our whole ceremony.  I want it to come from someone who knows and loves us because I think it will be much more meaningful and from the heart!  He is so excited!

Post # 52
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My Fiance and I are both agnostic. When we first started talking about our wedding ceremony, that’s when people’s opinions about our beliefs started to come out. We decided to have our ceremony outside in an apple orchard and both sets of parents were outraged that we weren’t getting married in a church. After many discussions, my parents and my FI’s parents have quieted down and are happy about our ceremony but they will never understand our beliefs. My dad is convinced that this is just a stage and one day I will come back to Catholicism. 

 

Post # 53
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Okay it’s a little different because this is about gay marriage but Sophia’s explantation I think still works in this situation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xxpd3Ye0zA

Honestly I have no idea why people sometimes act like that.  I’m sorry some of you ladies are having to deal with that ignorence.

Even though both my fiance and I are christian since we have a couple of friends who are athiest and pagans we decided that we want a non religious wedding.  We also didn’t want one because his side is on a completely different branch of christianity than mine and we didn’t want to do one type of ceremony and not the other.  When my mother found out she threw a fit.  She kept saying how the least we could do is have group prayer before both the ceremony and dinner.  She’s no longer in my life so I don’t have to hear about how it’s unnacceptable.

Post # 54
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

I’m agnostic and grew up in a non-religious household. My SO, however, grew up in a VERY religious household. His parents are “born again” evangelical Christians. They are kind people, but are very intolerant of any beliefs that don’t align with their own. They wouldn’t even attend our wedding if they knew we were agnostics, let alone question our reasons for marrying if we don’t believe in God.

My family and our friends never question our religious beliefs. It’s just not something that matters in my social circle. It never comes up. His friends and family don’t know that I don’t believe and I’d rather keep it that way in order to avoid conflict with his family, namely his mother. It just isn’t worth it. Our wedding will be secular, other than maybe a prayer at the beginning or end.

Post # 55
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wow…so glad I’m not the only one dealing with the stress of arguments over religion during wedding planning. I’m agnostic, Fiance says he believes in God but is certainly not religious and agrees that organized religion does more harm than good in the grand scheme of things.

It took almost a year for my mother to get over the fact that we weren’t getting married in a church and to date, I still don’t have an officiant because I’m still fighting with my mother over wanting a humanist officiant rather than a non-denominational minister. She feels that she has failed as a mother because I don’t believe in God. She says I can’t understand what faith is without believing in God. I just roll my eyes at her and repeat “Agree to disagree, mother.”

This process would be a lot easier if we were in a better financial position to pay for the wedding ourselves but since the parentals are paying 80% of the wedding costs, we’re stuck in the battle of beliefs. I’ll win though…the one thing I’ve asked for control over is the ceremony – I’ve given in to every other one of her requests and preferences (including having a 150 person traditional wedding when we initially wanted a 50 person sunday brunch wedding).

I just can’t for the life of me understand why people think that believing in a God makes you a better person. Frankly, every agnostic and atheist that I know is highly moral, ethical and deeply cares about the world around them and the people in it. I don’t need the promise of a big present at the end of my life to be a decent human being – I’m an adult not a toddler!

Post # 56
Member
7310 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

If you are tired of justifying yourself, just stop. It’s no one’s business. Politely decline to participate in the conversation and go about your merry way. People will be asshats whether you engage them in conversation or not, so don’t waste your breath.

Post # 57
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

Imma christian, bit i could care kess if my friend were non religious and getting married. Its your life, and i have no right to judge

Post # 58
Member
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@MariContrary:  I was a senior in high school and there was no getting out of the seminar. She thought I’d be interested because I had once mentioned reading the Origin of Species (I was a weird 8th grader). Listening to a creationist incorrectly ‘explain’ science to further prove his point is indeed cringe-worthy. I’m proud that my 18 year old self managed to bit her tongue for the most part and not say anything too offensive.

How does following a cat with a bible not sound loony to someone? Did she not ever pause an go ‘this has got to look so weird to other people’? Depending on how far away you lived (I’ve achieved a 400 mile separation thanks to a specialized career) I would have been super tempted to tell her that her efforts were in vain because all cats are followers of Bast (Egyptain cat goddess) 😛

Post # 59
Member
12246 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@rawrrrrr:  What? That makes NO sense!

No God=No marriage in what world, exactly?

FI’s mom actually didn’t want us to get married in our church since Fiance isn’t a regular attendee!

I must be a terrible Christian or something! I don’t understand why you can’t have a wonderful marriage without accepting God in your lives!

Post # 60
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

@rawrrrrr:  “people (not close family or friends, more peripheral acquaintance types…) will comment that they don’t understand why we are getting married at all, and certainly don’t understand why we can’t wait until we are older since God plays no part in our decision.”

Not engaged yet but even we still get this from the *atheists* (and general non-religious) in our families because they think marriage is ONLY for religious people. Our folks say they “understand” the want to get married if you’re not having sex, but if you can fool around and do whatever you want at any time, why bother getting married? 😛

Post # 61
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@SoupyCat yea seriously! I’m lucky enough to have a mother that pushed me to learn about as much as I can and believe what I want and respect what I don’t. 

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