(Closed) any other atheist brides tired of justifying yourself?

posted 7 years ago in Secular
Post # 62
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@rawrrrrr:  I’m an atheist but my fiance is more agnostic. His family is pretty religious…especially his extended family. I’m pretty sure if his extended family found out I was atheist (I’ve never talked to them about my beliefs before), they would probably be upset. I’m also going to be a young bride at 23. He will be 26. We’re not getting married in a church.

Post # 63
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Eckle:  I can’t imagine being a scientist and NOT being an atheist!

Post # 64
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

My Fiance and I get this all the time. We are what most would consider very young, (20 and 21) and will be getting married at 21 and 22. When I was first engaged I worked in retail, and would recieve comments from customers about whether or not they thought I should get married about 30 times a day. The first question was usually if I was religious. When I said no, it was “are you pregnant?”. The third question (which was less common) was “…are you waiting until marriage?” So ridiculous. 

 

Post # 65
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

No, but I live in Australia where religion isn’t really in your face like it is in the US. I’ve never had people attack me in RL, only online. I’m a little bit sick of explaining my beliefs (or lack there of) since to me, it’s just such common sense… I don’t see how anybody could ever dispute science, that’s what angers me most.

Post # 66
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@ersa0501:  my mom is a scientist and is not an atheist.  I have to say that she has had a hard life, and I think her beliefs help her justify her circumstances.  

Post # 67
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’ve had a co-worker tell me that he doesn’t understand why Fiance and I want to wait until we are married to have kids if God plays no role in it.  Like, he couldn’t fathom that some people choose to do that outside of religion. 

My sarcastic response is, “he better give me his last name before I carry a baby for 9 months with his last name!” lol

Post # 68
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

 

@rawrrrrr:  So sorry to hear you’re getting rude comments from people about your wedding. My Fiance and I are both atheist, but we’re older 27 & 31. But I don’t think you’re sooo young that it’s a big deal; you’re not 18. My dad converted to Judaism from catholism and doesn’t understand how I will be able to raise kids morally without religion…as if once I realized I was atheist I went on a crime spree. My mom is baptist and she is “ok” with me being atheist, but she hopes I accept Jesus so I can be in heaven…

But when it comes to our wedding they have no problem with it being secular. I don’t think much of our extended family know we’re atheist. But I can’t imagine them having an uproar b/c our ceremony is secular.

You seem to have a good “script” of what to say. But you should not have to explain yourself and these are comments that people who love you and care about you should be saying.

 

@KateByDesign:  I just dyed eggs for this past easter. I can’t believe someone would say something about how you’re kids will love holidays b/c it’s just fun and no meaning behind them. What does a chocolate bunny have to do with the crucifixion of Jesus? I love easter b/c to me is represents celebrating the coming of spring…not to be too “hippy” but how the earth comes back to life with flowers blooming and turning green again after winter. It represents the earth’s tilt on it’s axis and that our hemisphere will be towards the sun more, how awesome is that!

Post # 69
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Nobody’s said anything yet, and I don’t think anyone other than my mom would have a problem with a secular ceremony.  

 

I was really surprised that my mom had such a problem with me being atheist.  I can tell my sister does too, but she rarely says anything about it.  I’m waiting until they inevitably do, but I’m pretty sure they’ll back off once I tell them that I’m not adding religion to the ceremony just because, when my FH and I do not believe in any religion and won’t be basing our marriage on it. 

Post # 70
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

No rude comments about my wedding – I think FIs parents are on the fence, my stepfather is an atheist and my mom is well…special. She skips through being religious and being and atheist fairly regularly.

Post # 71
Hostess
8575 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m agnostic [well, we both are], but we get the same type of crap.

The worst one was my own mother. She gave me SO much shit for wanting to have a secular ceremony. She even went to the lengths of telling me that we WOULD NOT find anyone to marry us without having it “god” related. [My mom will say just about anything to get her own way].

We have had a falling out about it, but it’s not like i’ve recently become agnostic, i’ve been this way for 10+ years!

Post # 72
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I’m going to point out something that PPs have missed here…

OP said that people were asking her why she wanted to get married so young when God played no part in that decision.

Underlying question: why would someone be more likely to marry young if God DID play a part in that decision?

Personal story: Discussing my cousin’s upcoming marriage with him

Me: Wow… you’re the youngest person I know to be getting married, and the first of all of our immediate family. Looking forward to being an old man?

Cousin: I don’t feel young at all. Lots of my friends married when they were in their very early twenties because, you know, they are Christians.

Me: *Momentarily confused… not yet joining the dots* …. but Fiance [then long term boyfriend] and I are Christians….

Cousin: But you’re not REAL Christians! *Realising his mistake* I mean… um, ah…. ****…. er… fancy going to the pub?

The thing is… I DO know what he meant. He meant that his friends are charismatic evangelicals who don’t believe in sex before marriage, and therefore marry young specifically so that they can have sex, because they just can’t wait any longer.

… fairly obviously, this is one of the world’s worst reasons for getting married, and I think it’s pretty shocking to use religion as a way of justifying yourself for all the wrong reasons. But that’s my opinion. I’m “living in sin” with my Fiance, we are both religious, and we are perfectly comfortable with that (for a variety of reasons… I don’t want to threadjack too much, so I will spare you them).

I just think it’s a shame that OP lives in an area in which young people get married young just so they can have sex, because it encourages them not to think things through like rational adults, and wait to see if they are more compatible with each other before getting married. On the bright side, OP, at least your marriage will probably be built on stronger foundations than those of some of the young people around you…

Post # 73
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

It winds me up…but only when Jehovah’s witness’s come to my door and use my age against me! I’m 22 and the man that came to the door the other day was saying that the reason I don’t believe in god is because I’m young and don’t know anything about what’s to come. 

Post # 74
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

…. I am very bad and can’t resist replying to a few people who I thought said interesting things…

@ersa0501:  “I can’t imagine being a scientist and NOT being an atheist!”

Me! I started out life in biological sciences/medicine, and ended up in the social sciences! Fairly obviously, I am not a creationist. In fact, creationism as we see it today is a comparatively recent movement within Christianity. There is no evidence that early Christians would have taken Genesis absolutely literally. Likewise, a lot of this end of days interprative stuff from Revelations only dates back to the late 1800s. What you are seeing a lot of is a very modern and extremist series of interpretations, IMO.

@crayfish:  “concept of athiests having motivation to do things (including be moral and the like) without the threat of god/the bible, etc hanging over our heads.”

This is one of the top bugbears I have about some Christians. They seem to believe only because they think God will give them stuff. I believe, therefore I get eternal life etc etc. I think that’s a **** reason. If you just want the stuff, then why not worship Satan instead? He probably pays more, and gives better end of year bonuses to boot.

@KateByDesign:  Another of my bugbears! The way the marketing industrial complex has got hold of Easter and Christmas and twised it to make it all about stuff. Since when is Easter egg hunting religious? It’s about selling chocolate! Since when is Christmas religious any more? It’s about guilting people into thinking they can buy the love of other people with cash. It’s the association of this materialism with a religious celebration which I find so offensive… not the fact that non-religious people celebrate these occasions.

Post # 75
Member
1384 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I find it strange that (some) believers would be so affected by non-believers. I thought religion is a personal choice. (I am a believer, btw but do not discuss my beliefs nor do I judge others based on their beliefs. And yes, I am a hypocrite for judging at all.) Anyway I live in LA so I guess that’s why I find it perplexing since everyone is so diverse. I don’t think anyone needs to justify why they are getting married. Marriage is based on love and committing to one another and that alone should be enough.

Post # 76
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

Me and Fiance as atheists and to be honest, the only time I feel like I need to have a say in discussions are when people get into arguments etc about intelligent design, etc. But I really hate to need to explain the situation all the time, even at my kid’s school (Ireland as everybody knows is very catholic indeed, in Sweden they really do not care, they treat everybody the same), the headmistress had to ask me several times if I was sure my son was not baptized etc. I mean come on! If he thinks choosing a faith is something he will want to do in life, he can do that when he grows up, and I don’t want to chose for him anyways. 

 

 

 

If someone tries to run their religious/moral speeches upon me, I just basically tell them to back off. I don’t push my views on anyone, so I don’t really think religious people should consider themselves entitled to push theirs on me to try to “change” or “save” me, which have happened so many times.  I find this so annoying and disrespectful. I am not trying to prove my point to these people or change their views just because they are different from mine. Why do they always have to do that to me? 

 

 

 

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