Post # 1
I am not typically a flashy or competitve person, but this wedding planning process has brought out a different side of me. I often feel like we HAVE to have certain things because they are expected or have been done at our friends’ weddings. For instance, I think that huge cocktail hours and chivari chairs are kind of a waste of money. However, I feel pressured to do them. It’s really a competitive, internal pressure. Anyone else going through this?
Also, please no comments about how I am being superficial or petty. I am aware that it’s not healthy to compete like this. Still, I think it is something a lot of brides go through
Post # 3
I think everyone falls victim to this at some point in time. NOT just with wedding planning. Here’s something I like to say to myself to keep myself in check: “Comparison is the thief of joy” – Theodore Roosevelt
Post # 4
I was going through some of this too! Lol! It was getting to the point where ridiculous amounts of money would have been spent to just to “compare” to other brides (in the family)! Luckily, we were just in the planning phase of my wedding and have not put any deposits down. We decided to have something totally different and went with a DW! Lol! We had our ceremony and a small luncheon afterwards! No cocktail hour/no reception! We later on that night went out on the town of St. Thomas and partied with the locals! It was so fun! Wouldn’t change it for the world!
I hope it doesn’t get the best of you and do what you can afford to do! It gets hard sometimes but I think everyone goes through this at some point! Lol!
Post # 5
I fall victim to this wayyyy more often than I should. A friend of mine went through this with her wedding. Well more her coworker than her. Anytime she mentioned she was thinking about getting x, the coworker would get x.
Post # 6
Lol, I’m just grateful that I’ve been invited to three weddings before mine and will either start feeling better about my own wedding plans or decide they’re stupid and start over.
I’m pretty sure at least two of them will upstage mine, but then the parents are paying for those. Not sure about the third one though. I don’t know either party very well, even though the groom is my stepbrother.
Post # 7
I’m not yet to the point where I’m actually picking things out (say, flowers, or bridesmaids dresses), so I’m not semi-unconsciously competing with anyone to have the nicest or fanciest whatever… but a friend of mine just got engaged a week ago and has already picked her colors and bridesmaids dresses. (Let’s be honest… she’s been planning this wedding secretly for three years, so it’s no surprise, really.) I’ve been engaged for nearly two months and I really want to have made some real decisions, but my partner and I aren’t in a place financially where we can make concrete decisions–but I still want to “win the race” and get my wedding planned first.
Post # 8
Yes, absolutely! I’m trying to keep it in check, but it’s hard, especially when you and your guests go to so many weddings around the same time, as has been the case the past few years.
Post # 9
I totally get it and I don’t think you are being petty or superficial. I have a couple of other friends planning weddings right now and it is hard not to get caught up in what their priorities are, even if I didn’t originally share them. I never even thought about Chivari chairs…until a friend mentioned how ugly the regular chairs at her venue were and how important it was to have nice chairs. The next thing I knew, I was looking critically at our venue’s chairs and renting the Chivaris. And likewise, I think my priority of fantastic floral arrangements has probably influenced my friends because now I hear them talk about more extravagant flower choices than early in their planning. Lol! We would all save money if we were the only people we knew planning a wedding right now!
Post # 10
Meh, I guess I’m lucky in that I grew up in a super-small town where the normal wedding was in the church, with just cake and punch (maybe some candy-coated almonds and pillow mints if people wanted to get realllly fancy) in the Fellowship Hall afterward.
Even as an adult, most of the weddings have been pretty low-budget, even though now of course I’ve been to some weddings with a bar and dinner, it’s usually low-budget. So, I’d say my friends/family’s expectations of our wedding are low, so I haven’t felt the need to compete with anyone I know. HOWEVER, I myself am very interested in style/decor/fashion in general, which naturally translates to my wedding a little, so I do find myself being a little overly-interested in the details, like tablescapes, chairs, china, and chargers. So I’d say in my case, I’m my own Jones family. heh.
But at least it only hits me in certain areas. Like I was extremely particular about my invitations and getting calligraphy done on them, and I’m extremely particular about my table linens and the overall look of the room, BUT I could care less about the quality of food we’re having for dinner (I mean, I want to make sure there’s plenty because we all love to eat), but we’re not the type of people to spend tons of money so we can have farm-to-table duck pate’ on quinoa stuffed squab or whatever.
Plus, we’re having a 2 night wedding, (hindu ceremony and christian ceremony), which means two meals. So…we’re cheaping out on the food (meaning, it’s going to be good but not gourmet), but having a lot of cute details on the tables instead.
Post # 11
Even though I live by making negative comparisons, I definitely do not compare my ideal wedding to the average wedding. Then again, I am highly opinionated on many aspects of weddings, especially when it comes to people going through the motions with certain traditions because they feel as if there is no alternative. Another factor could be that I have little idea of the “norm” for weddings in my area. I have only attended two weddings in my entire life, and both events were not really memorable or personalized.
Another pet peeve of mine is when people feel pressured to conform to their family/regional expectations, especially if they are footing the bill. There are plenty of people who would have preferred to elope rather than have a wedding that cost as much as a new car or a starter home that needs a little fixing up. People should follow their desires more often, IMO.
Post # 12
I have to be honest, I’m starting to feel something similar to this. My wedding is in December, but since then I’ve had friends and former coworkers get married, and have their wedding pictures posted in Facebook so I can’t avoid them. I find myself second guessing the decisions I’ve made and feeling a slight bit of envy.. wishing my wedding could be as elaborate or mindblowing as theirs.
Sigh… I wonder how they could pay for all of that?? Anyway, good thing I’m still very set on staying on my moderate budget. Otherwise I would go crazy! Still… there is a heaviness on my chest when I see those pics… :/