(Closed) Any other bees have a relationship with FMIL do a 180?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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mrspereira:  How has it gone downhill? I don’t know if there are enough details to help. But like you said, she’s had a lot of change, both her kids moved out at the same time. That’s probably quite a big deal since she’s been with them for what… 20+ years?? As a sidenote, I love my mom but could never, ever have her live right next door or down the street from us. She wouldn’t want that either.

Post # 3
Member
5521 posts
Bee Keeper

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mrspereira:  yep; it did a 180 after we got engaged and then went steadily downhill. At one point I thought things were getting back on track but they didn’t, and now (4 years on) we’ve ended up cutting contact with her (2 weeks ago now). Will post in more detail later but the massively condensed version is we’re pretty sure she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and so unfortunately it was inevitable that things would sour after we got engaged. 

Post # 4
Member
6294 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

As far as my relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law doing a 180 – yes and no.  My Future Mother-In-Law and I got along great.  We planned things together, went shopping and visited family without my Fiance, she would help when I needed her, and vice versa, but I always knew there were personality issues because she didn’t talk to her eldest daughter and complained about her son-in-law all the time.  Well, one day she found a reason to make me the enemy too, as she does with anyone that’s not related to her that she sees as a threat to her way of life.  My situation will never turn around.  Hopefully, yours isn’t as extreme.  Best of luck.

I recommend the book “Toxic In-Laws” by Susan Forward, Ph.D.  It helped me get through the shock of my Future Mother-In-Law issues.

Post # 5
Member
269 posts
Helper bee

I’ve definitely had a complete 180 here. I’m hoping for change in the future, but I’m not holding my breath. What kind of issues are you having? Have you tried to talk to her?

Post # 6
Member
380 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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mrspereira:  my mil and I got along great in the beginning then things went downhill around the time of the engagement. she blamed me for the fact she wasn’t number one to her son anymore. I’m not going to lie I wasn’t the nicest person around her for a while. We have been married for a year and a half and I can honestly say things have drastically improved! ! I go over to hang out with my mil now and I never thought that day would come! 

 

I dont one know the specific details surrounding your situation, but I would just continue being respectful and understanding of her feelings right now. hopedully your situation can make a turn for the better as well

Post # 9
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - City Hall!

i care for my Mother-In-Law because of some health issues. i take her to drs appointments, handle medication, etc. now when i say care, i mean…she can handle herself..to a point. she is pre alzheimer’s and has a whole boat load of problems. she’s apparently (according to my Fiance and siblings) been a little psycho her whole life (or theirs really) 

so we have days where she LOVES ME MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. and then there’s days where talks crap. does she ever hate me? no. so our relationship really at the root of it is good. and then it’s bad. and then it got really bad. and now it’s good again. 

what it took was me just letting it go. ignoring the issues we had. and moving past them on my own. even though what was happening bothered me to the core. 

anyway rant over but in a nutshell. if it’s important to you to have a good relationship with her, it will come around, even if you have to let go of a lot of disagreement.

 

^^been up with a sick child all night, including an ER trip, and that’s word vomit. apologies!^^

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by HoorayLouLou.
Post # 11
Member
1413 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Not necessarily a 180 with mine because we weren’t BFFs or anything before the engagement, but I am with PPs in that things have gotten really crappy after getting engaged. I’m hoping things get better, or we might end up having to cut her out. 

Despite my best efforts, she never 100% liked me, and has admitted indirectly that it’s bevause I’m not from old southern money, I was never a sorority girl, and because we have different values (aka I’m not racist and support women’s rights). She always just said “oh we’re just different” but it was clear that she thought my differences from her made me not as good. But we were always cordial, and once in a while even got along really well!

Then we got engaged. She knew it was coming (FI had several conversations with her about it), but that doesn’t seem to have helped. I think she is having a REALLY hard time coping with her oldest son getting married, and especially to (gasp!) a girl who doesn’t have rich parents who own land and who wasn’t in a sorority. I must be awful!

She’s chosen to lash out by acting like our wedding isn’t real because it’s small, insisting my parents must be paying even though they have no money, and then telling me that my parents don’t love me or care about my wedding because they don’t have a wedding fund for me, and insulting my upbringing. 

We’re not on speaking terms. I’m still waiting for an apology from her and some serious changes before she can be a part of my life. She keeps liking everything on my Facebook, but that’s NOT an apology, so I’m ignoring it. 

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