(Closed) Any other DW brides feel like me?

posted 6 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m in a similar situation, and totally feel for you.  I live in DC, my family is from MA, and FI’s family is from FL.  We picked DC because (1) we live here, and (2) it’s in the middle for everyone.  Over the holidays, I got a lot of crap from people saying they’ll have to travel, or they already can’t get the time off from work (15 months out??) to go.  It’s ridiculous!

To heck with all of them, and love your day!  The people who can be there will be, and maybe when you get home you can do a little party with all your pro photos and show everyone the spectacular time they missed! 

Post # 4
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Soon2BeMrsPea: its funny, i never got slack in real life for it. Not like the stories i have heard on here. i had been telling my family and friends for years that we would do a Destination Wedding and they were all on board and excited!  Only when i came to weddingbee did i even hear other people say that DWs are selfish for the first time!  I can see that point of view now, but i think how you approach your Destination Wedding makes a difference. Like don’t make your guest feel bad for not being able to come!

 I also think part of the slack comes from the fact that people have different views of what a wedding is supposed to be. Some view it as a joining of two families and so how could you plan a wedding that doesn’t cater to that?!  Other view is that a wedding is joining two people – and that is the view i think Destination Wedding couples have. So we think it’s fine to get married how and where we want and while we would love for people to join us, it is not the end of the world if they can’t because all we want is to marry the person we love.  

I also think there is an in between though. Like i had some people i really wanted at our wedding – which was essentially our immediate families, so we made a rule that they would be the ones we accommodate in terms of location, timing and cost. 

Post # 5
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m not a Destination Wedding bride but as someone who has been invited to DW’s, I’ll just play devil’s advocate to help you understand the other side.  Being invited to a Destination Wedding can sometimes come across as though a guest is being told “Hey, I know you won’t be able to make it to Mexico but I decided being on a beach was more important than having you there”.  I think it can sometimes leave people feeling a little hurt or annoyed and before you know it, someone says something to you that just isn’t appropriate.

You don’t need feel to bad about your decision, it’s your decision and you had a right to make it.  But do try to understand and appreciate the difficulties that your decision puts on other people.  If you take a deep breath when they get upset, I’m sure you can handle it with grace.

Post # 6
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LucyMegs140: I don’t see them like that at all.  I think a Destination Wedding says “I had a really selective guest list, and I really wanted you to be one of the 10-15 people there with me.”  I think people get annoyed because of the cost alone, and really not the destination part of it. 

Post # 7
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I haven’t attended or been invited to any Destination Wedding weddings (although have it in the right place and I’ll be there!). My only hang-up is when couples choose to have a Destination Wedding, and then EXPECT certain people to attend no matter what the cost of inconvenience and not doing anything to help those that can’t afford to be there.

My personal feeling is (well, really any wedding, but especially DWs) is that once you commit to a Destination Wedding, you give up the right to expect anyone to be able to make it there.

But as far as family (who can attend) giving you flack because great-aunt Edna’s 3rd cousin can’t make it or they don’t get to show off a big fancy wedding? Pffffft. I fall into the camp of the wedding is for the couple so I say tell those people to hush! You are allowed to have your wedding whenever and wherever you want!

Post # 8
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@abbie017: I can totally see where your coming from if it’s a small wedding.  I absolutely get that sentiment.  The last Destination Wedding I was invited to didn’t have nearly that small of a invitee list so it felt more like “Hey, we know 70% of you can’t come and we just don’t care”.

Post # 9
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@abbie017 – Well said.  

People have nothing else to do but complain about everything.  Its your day and you should do what you want.  We are having a Destination Wedding wedding too, and have been telling people long before we were engaged that we were getting married on the beach – we just didnt know where or when.  And now that we have made the decison, some family members have been not so gracious….even taking for granted that I am inviting them.  Stick to your guns – I am sure you will not regret your decison.  

Post # 10
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think people feel guilty if they cant afford to come and thats why they bring up the cost/ distance and try to “convince” you to have it closer. I have a friend who wants to have a  Destination Wedding and the total cost for us to go there would be over $3000 not including hotel, gifts, food… I cant afford to spend that on someone elses wedding, I really want to be there but cant afford to, and a part of me wishes she would do it somewhere closer so I could come. It becomes even more of a problem when several people within the same group of friends all want a Destination Wedding and are all getting married within a year or each other.. its just too much money to pay to attend all those weddings

Post # 12
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Soon2BeMrsPea: That’s probably the best you can do.  There are absolutely people who would have still complained if you had your wedding 10 minutes from their house (“Oh, the food was too cold” or “The reception hall was too hot”, etc.).  Some people just look for reasons to complain.

I just wanted to play devil’s advocate since I’m finding myself in Destination Wedding situation that’s building to be bad.  A friend has already admitted it will take my hubby and I a full day and likely 2 flight lay-overs just to get to their wedding location and he actually went so far as to tell me “just don’t take any other vacations for the year and our wedding will be your vacation”…nevermind the fact that I’d rather vacation in Europe…ha! Tongue Out

Post # 13
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LucyMegs140: Ah okay, so from that POV, that’s jerky.  The only DWs I’ve been invited to/heard of have had super, super small guest lists, so it was more of an honor than a burden.  But if you’re inviting people fo the gift or something like that, I’d be p.o’ed too!  🙂

Post # 14
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I totally relate.  I am only getting married a 4.5 hour car drive away, and people are making little comments. 

I understand a Destination Wedding being an inconvenience when the bride and groom expect EVERYONE to show up, and then get all pissy when people RSVP no and demand answers.  I went into this with the HOPE that most people wouldn’t be able to come.  So, if someone says they can’t make it, I totally understand.  I’m not going to obligate anyone to come or chase them down for an explanation.  I know times are hard.  Therefore, I don’t feel the sighs and, “Why so far away?”s are necessary!  Just tell me if you can or can’t make it.  Geez!

Post # 16
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i wasn’t at first… but now that it’s under a year away and it’s time for people to actually make their travel plans and pay for them, now i am getting the guilt trips from people.

i just wanna grab them all and shake them one by one because we asked for opinions at the beginning of our planning stages and they were all so very excited before. and it’s not like it’s short notice… they will all have had two years to save up for the trip.

i wouldn’t mind getting crap from my family if this had been their feeling from the beginning. but they acted as if they wanted this trip as much as us, so i won’t listen to any guilt trips now. i have told everyone time and time again that our feelings will not be hurt if they can’t make it.

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