(Closed) Any other inter-racial Brides out there…speak out!!!

posted 6 years ago in September 2012
Post # 3
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My Fiance is Eastern European and I am a brown-skinned Latina.  His mother keeps making “jokes” about keeping me out of the sun so I don’t get darker, keeping me out of the sun when I get pregnant so the baby doesn’t come out darker, etc.  It’s more annoying and ignorant than anything.  That being said, my family does not care for her comments one bit and the wedding should be very interesting.

Post # 5
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m marrying someone from a different country, and we’re different cutlures, religions, and ethnicities.  We haevn’t had any problems at all with any of our parents (hurray!).  All of our parents are very accepting….but sometimes we run into little things, like his parents assume that I don’t know anything about their culture, therefore I won’t have an opinion on things regarding the wedding (we’re having two ceremonies, a hindu one and a typical american one). 

But, I *am* aware of their culture, and I do have opinions on thing,s like what kind of saree I like, how I want my hair to be, what kind of foods from their culture are my favorite when we talk about wedding catering.  His dad makes small comments (not in a rude way at all, I think because he’s being nice and trying to do stuff for me) like, “oh, you probably have never had Indian food.  Don’t worry, we’ll pick all the foods….you won’t even have to think about that”.  And I’m like….um, even before I met your son, I ate indian food several times a week, so yes, I’m aware of it, have preferences, and will definitely be involved in the choosing-of-foods for catering.  SO sometimes we have to deal with SOME stereotypes (like because I’m white, I must not like indian food), but I deal with those pretty easily, because I know they are just trying to help.   =)

Post # 6
Member
661 posts
Busy bee

I am half Sri Lankan/half English (Sufi Muslim by choice, Catholic at birth), Fiance is part Italian/part English (Jewish at birth). No issues, both parents are amazing, easy going, just care about our happiness.

Now my EX of 8 years who was Bengali Muslim, that was a different story, his parents gave us HELL! My parents were cool, but worried for me. I met his mother once after being kept a secret for 5 years and she gritted her teeth the whole way, spoke only in Bengali and accused me of being a bad wife if we get married, said I’d cook fish and chips for him every night in the future :S and said I would cheat! All because I was born in the UK and had a white father! – My ex was lovely by the way, no insult to him, but his mother was awful to me, his father was more realistic, caring but realistic that our cultural difference may be an issue down the line. In hindsight, he was right, everything happens for a reason! Broke my heart, took me 3 years to get over the relationship, BUT NOW I have a great Fiance, love and the blessings of two wonderful parents.

Post # 9
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Well….then I guess it’s “lucky” that my fiance doensn’t have any surviving grandparents.  (aww…I feel terrible typing that, because I know he would love for them to still be around).  I only have 1 grandparent left, but none of my grandparents would have had a problem with it. 

His country has been extremely tumultuous the past 25 years, so his family is scattered far and wide across the globe, with family is canda, australia, UK, and the US, so all of them live in “western” countries now and aren’t too shocked that he’s marrying an american after living here in the US for 10 years. I know we’re both blessed to have open-minded families, because I really think that it’s the families that cause the most drama for inter-religious or intercultural marriages. 

When we started worrying about the cost of 2 ceremonies (we’re paying for everything ourselves), his parents immediately said we could cut the hindu ceremony if we were having trouble affording it, and just have an american ceremony.  But I was worried my fiance wouldn’t feel like it was the type of wedding he’s grown up with (as in, would he really FEEL married without one?), and I would hate to have his family or him regret one day not doing a hindu ceremony as well, so we made it work.  =) 

And I’m so glad we’re doing both now!  It’s expensive, but we’ve found ways to cut back in a lot of areas and make it work.

Post # 10
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m White British and my FH is Pakistani British. He has spent his whole life in England apart from a year in Pakistan that he doesn’t really remember as he was very little.

His parents are VERY religious, so this has been a bit tricky as my parents are not. I’m probably the most religious in my whole family and always considered myself a Christian. FH is a Muslim.

His family have accepted me now, although it took some time initially. They were concerned that because FH was seeing a British girl that meant he would definitely start drinking (I don’t actually drink either lol).

We had a Muslim wedding already actually as his parents were very worried about how it would look because we began living together. It was just going to be a small thing in a Mosque but turned into a full Pakistani/Indian style wedding with like 300 people lol. Our English ceremony is in September and this is also the legal one 🙂

I have to cover up in either very modest English clothes or Salwaar Kameez when I visit his parents but this doesn’t bother me.

I would say the most annoying thing is when they all start speaking Urdu (which I am learning) as it’s hard to follow the conversation although to be fair FH always speaks in English or translates when he’s around.

My family were all ok with everything but I have had a lot of bitter behaviour from several friends about marrying a Muslim (including some disgusting comments that I am shocked at). 

The worst thing though is the way complete strangers look at us when we’re together like it’s some massive shock that an inter-racial couple are together. I even had the self proclaimed leader of the local EDL (English Defence League – anti-Islam movement) tell me over the phone (a “friend” called me whilst with him) I was “brave for not acting white in a white city” and that it’s “a bit of a coincidence” that we’re going to New York on our honeymoon as we land on 10th September so will be there for 9/11. Needless to say I offered to meet this douche to discuss his views and potentially educate him but he never showed up lmao.

Post # 11
Member
661 posts
Busy bee

@EuropeanBride:  

Nope he is not a practising Jew, he is not religious, more agnostic – We are having one ceremony, but quotes from both our faiths will be mentioned 🙂 Our ceremony will be neutral…. yet I do want to have god acknowledged during the ceremony as I am a believer in god. It will not however lean towards one faith or the other.

Post # 13
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@EuropeanBride:  He brushes them off or tries to down play them.  He says that’s just how she is but she’s not racist.  He says that it’s because of her age and the time she grew up in (which is bogus because she’s old enough to know better IMO).  And he says that she doesn’t really mean it because if she didn’t like me she wouldn’t have given Fiance her diamond to put in my engagement ring or given us a huge wedding gift, etc.

For the moment, I’m just brushing it off and avoiding her as much as possible, but I am truly worried about the wedding.  It’s not a 1 day affair, it’s 4 days/nights on a resort.

Post # 14
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@EuropeanBride:  I think I must be very naive or I just live in my own bubble because I have never noticed a stare or nasty look from anyone when walking with my Fiance.  My Fiance, on the other hand, claims that black and latin men give him diry looks all the time when he’s with me.  It could have something to do with the fact that we live in a predominantly black/latino neighborhood, but then why don’t I get the stares?  I wonder….

Post # 15
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@VegasSukie:  What?!  I can’t believe she says stuff like that!  I’m a brown-skinned Latina as well and I would not be able to deal with that from my Mother-In-Law.  God bless you.  If she said anything like that around my family there would be an all out brawl! Seriously.

Fiance is African American, I’m Latina. We thankfully haven’t had to deal with any issues within our families.  My family is very diverse, lots of interracial couples so it’s a non-issue.  We’ve moreso had to deal with issues from African American women having a problem with him dating outside of his race and voicing it to him or me in indirect catty ways.  I ignore them so life is good.

Post # 16
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m half German and half Filipina and my Fiance is half American and half Spanish 😀 We’re quite the mix.

I’ve run into some issues since I moved to Spain, but I guess that’s culture shock and I can’t really do anything about it. His family is accepting, and so is mine. Everyone’s really open minded. The sad part is that our families are scattered across the globe, so havinga wedding with everyone is going to be impossible. We decided to have our wedding here in Europe and then a vow renewal in the Phillipines a year or two down the line.

I’d really like to have a filipino ceremony with all the traditions I watched as a little girl and also, there’s no way my family could afford to come to Europe. And I get two weddings!

The topic ‘Any other inter-racial Brides out there…speak out!!!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors