- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2016
I don’t like older men and never have. I’m not saying it can’t work, because of course it can and does. But I would be hugely cautious of any older guy whose established pattern is to date women who are 10, 15, 25 years younger than he is. That’s a warning sign right there that you’re going to be dealing with someone sexist, shallow, immature, domineering, and patronizing.
Mind you, Darling Husband is 7.5 years younger, so I’m sure I get my fair share of secret judgment as well, although no one has ever said anything to my face.
Am actually really surprised I’ve not been called out on the board more for my age gap lol.
However I gave up caring what others think about my marriage long ago. We are in love and happy.
I also am with you on stuf happening in childhood which ment I grew up quicker. I also was shaving, had boobscand my periods by age 8 and half . thus having to learn about sex, what was happening to my body and the need and know how to cover up and protect myself. So while my 8/9yr old friends were playing with dolls I was bra shopping and try out different hair removal techniques/ products.
At 16/17 yrs old I was more mature than my peers and own dad to be honest
Maturing can be natural as scientifically proven, but I can also be man made by situations and things happening to an individual.
The key word is individual, which we all are, thus all develop differently at different rates.
My only issue with people at 18 dating much older people has little to do with the actual age or their maturity… but experience. Really, at 18 you think you know everything, but you don’t know shit. I was extremely mature at 18, but I didn’t know jack about living life and an 18-year-old that says they do is naive. Most (not all) people at that age haven’t even been in a serious relationship yet and they’re jumping in the deep end if it is with anyone more than a few years older than them.
If it works out for them, then great, but I always worry that they’re being taken advantage of. I have a friend who got married right out of high school to a man 14 years older than her (he was our teacher in high school, too, and I later learned that was when their relationship started). They’re still together and have kids, but she missed out on college (her father refused to pay for it while she was in a relationship with her old teacher) and they had to live with her crazy mother for the first few years of their marriage because her husband lost his job for being in a relationship with a student. She had to work low income jobs for a long time in addition to being a young mother. Their struggles probably made their relationship stronger, but I wonder if she ever looks back and regrets missing out on some of those experience because she didn’t know any better at the time.
Yeah, everyone thinks they’re super mature at 18 or 23 or whatever but then you lol so hard later on after you’ve lived a little. Your prefrontal cortex is mush until about age 25
I’ve had friends who thought they were super mature and above all that and who got married in their early 20s. I spent my 20s floundering and exploring and it was magnificient! My friends who married early usually end up divorced by age 30 and then!!!! they revert in maturity because they “missed out” they act like I did when I was 23 year old dummy. Not super cute when you’re 34.
I’m going to be 27 in 2 months and my husband turned 37 not too long ago….we’re about 10 1/2 years apart. It sounds like a decent size difference, but in real life, it just doesn’t seem like we have a huge age gap at all. He looks very young for his age, people tell him that constantly, but we were just at similar points in our lives when we met…ready for long term relationship, future marriage, kids etc. We are going on 5 1/2 years together and married for almost a year. 🙂 andddd now ttc!
I think anyone who has been young and in a relationship especially with a larger age-gap will be supportive and not condemning, if only because they understand the barriers and stigma that you face (of which there has unfortunately been a good example of here).
Looks like you found some bees to talk to who are also in relationships where the age-gap is a little larger than what’s considered the norm. Good thread in that respect! Of course my relationship with a larger age-gap didn’t last, but I dealt with similar barriers and stigmas so if you ever want to talk just send me a message.
Yes, please don’t close your account! I was also taken aback by the … force of some of the responses. Not everyone thinks that way x
We have a 15 year gap, DH’s parents had a 15 year gap, my parents are 11 years. I know I will probably outlive him but I’ll take what I can get. Interestingly DH’s dad outlived his mom.
Life is always a gamble.
My dad and step mom have a 14 year age gap; they just happened to meet and fall in love and they have an awesome relationship. I had a friend who would ONLY date older men (20-30 year age gaps) and there were some deep seeded issues there. I think huge age gaps can be incredibly unhealthy, and can also be an amazing relationship where two people just happen to be more years apart than the “norm”.
In regards to my relationship, I am three years older than Darling Husband. I love it! When we first started dating I was 31 and he was 28; we would joke around about me being a puma (cougars are when you are in your 40’s and puma is in your 30’s). Alas he is now 31 and I don’t feel as much like I’m with a younger man; ill have to wait until I turn 40 to feel that way again 😉
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