(Closed) Any other married couples like us? Not much sex, but we're very happy.

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 16
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

This is perfect. I have a friend who doesn’t have a very big sex drive and would be happy with it once in a blue moon. Sad thing is she seems to constantly end up with guys who have huge sex drives! If you match up well then it’s perfect.

Post # 17
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think once a week is pretty “normal” for people who have been together for long. There is also nothing wrong with doing it more often or fewer times per month. as long as BOTH partners are happy the amount of sex does not matter!

On vacations, for example, we do it more, because there is just more free time… No deadline, no work event until 10PM, no laundry etc… Nobody needs to rush to work in the morning, so you have enough time to do it and take a shower and then eat breakfast in piece. πŸ™‚

Post # 18
Member
310 posts
Helper bee

We have a teenager and a toddler so finding time alone when we’re not completely exhausted is difficult. It happens when it happens- sometimes more, sometimes less. Sex isn’t a point of contention for us.

Post # 19
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

DH and I have sex 1-3 times a week… I thought that was ‘normal’, perhaps we’re lower than average? We’re both happy though and neither of us see any problem with it. πŸ™‚

Post # 20
Member
12 posts
Newbee

While our sex life ebbs and flows, we probably average twice a week. 

For me, the only thing that matters is compatibility and satisfaction. If you both are truly satisfied with whatever amount of sex you are having, then that is fine. But if one person isn’t being honest and feel unsatisfied or overwhelmed with the amount of sex, then it becomes a problem.

I have a friend who does not like sex and they have it once every few months. She is perfectly satisfied. However, her husband is very frustrated. Cleary, that’s an issue. It’s now creating problems in their relationship. On the flip side, my cousin has sex almost every day because her husband likes to do it, she is overwhelmed. Also an issue.

Post # 21
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
Cerulean5:  my Fiance and have very infrequent sex, but the “why” is because we have such long sessions that we’re exhausted (sexually speaking) for days afterwards. We’ve talked and would both like to have more frequent sex, but we can never seem to have quickies and nobody wants to think about sex after staying up until 3 or 4 am the night before. It’s a crazy position to be in, I know. 

Post # 22
Member
1054 posts
Bumble bee

Fiance and I are kind of like this. I could take it or leave it most days, but Fiance wishes I’d have more of a drive. I just recently moved to his state, and when I first arrived we did it maybe three days in a row, sometimes in the AM and PM. On the fourth and fifth day he turned me down, and now we’re back to our pre-ldr schedule, about 1x per week, give or take. I don’t think he wants to have as much sex as he thinks he does. Haha! We are both young (25) and are what would generally be considered attractive people. I honestly can’t imagine doing it 5+ times per week. Ain’t nobody got time for that! (Nobody at my house, anyways)

 

ETA: the only reason we had that much sex when I moved is because I was doing an experiment, not because of my suddenly heightened sex drive. Don’t tell Fiance. πŸ˜‰

Post # 23
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

View original reply
Cerulean5:  You guys just sound like us πŸ™‚ and I thought we are abnormal! lol But I do remember us having more sex than 1-3 times in our initial time after marriage. Now that it’s our fourth year, the dynamics of our relationship have changed. Both of us are working and have a tight schedule to manage, so when we do get time together we snuggle, hug each other, kiss alot…sex is not something that happens very frequently. Although if you are thinking about wanting to start your family it should happen quite alot during your fertile window!

I don’t think there is anything wrong with the two of you. All couples are different, as long as both of you feel the same about sex then I think you are in harmony. If one of you want it more then the other one should oblige..that is how I see it. If you are happy and contented with your sex life you should not bother about other couples’ sex lives.

Post # 24
Member
560 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
Cerulean5: We had a conversation about this just last night! LOL. We are the same and to the poster/s that might think it is a shame, it’s not we have a wonderful relationship of 6 years and counting. My SO said that he thinks it is normal that we connect on a different level, different strokes for different folks. I am going to put this as diplomatic as possible, there is much more to a relationship than sex. Not that frequent sex is bad, it’s just different to what we have. I think in our relationship we will be just as much into each other in a year from now than in 50 years from now. When we do have sex it is absolutely wonderful and earth moving, it’s just the way we are. I think this is a situation of whatever works for the couple works for the couple, regardless of how weird it might seem to someone ells. 

Post # 25
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I’m definitely in the same boat! Maybe once every week to once every 2 weeks. Works for us!

Post # 26
Member
1760 posts
Buzzing bee

I’ve been with a man who is happy having sex only a few times a month, and I tried to be okay with it since the rest of our life was great- so I tried to be okay with it until he started talking about having kids lol like how the hell do you think I’m getting pregnant when we never have sex?!? And I’m not ok with having sex more just for the sake of getting pregnant, I’m not an incubator and this isn’t a scientific process, I only want a baby if it’s created from fun love. AND BESIDES THAT- everyone always talks about how sex decreases after having a baby *deep breath* so what, after the baby I’d only get sex once a month? ………I never thought I’d be the person to say sex is very important in a relationship but now I realize YES it is at least to me!

Post # 27
Member
2171 posts
Buzzing bee

DH and I are in the same boat as well. We kiss, hug, cuddle, but just don’t have sex that often. I would like to a little bit more but we are both very happy. Glad to know we are normal too. I agree with the poster that said there is more to a relationship than having a lot of sex. 

yupmarried–have you talked with him about your feelings and concerns? 

Post # 28
Member
1354 posts
Bumble bee

I have friends who are on me for ” not having sex enough” because they CLAIM to have it EVERY day, while hubby and I are once a week to every two weeks. It’s super annoying because a) I don’t really believe them. I think they’re jumping on the bandwagon because first friend claims that, so they all wanna join in to look good! When in private and not in ” the group” they imply differently. b) They act like hubby and I don’t have sex AT ALL and treat me like there’s something wrong with me! Giving me unsolicited seduction advice!!! Lol!!!  It’s ridiculous! in the beg of relationship of course we did it everyday, sometimes twice! But fast forward to 23 years later, kids, careers, etc and that’s not realistic for us anymore but we’re not complaining! Funny thing is, after a ladies night out and us talking about it, I texted a couple other friends of mine, ( who live in a different state) and told them about ALL my friends at dinner, claiming they do it every day!!  I asked if they have sex once a day and their response was, ” more like once a year!!! ” lol!!!  Of my friends they said: they’re either lying or really horny!!! Ha ha!!! Point is, what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another. 

Post # 29
Member
42 posts
Newbee

This is me an Fiance to a T!!! Same thing waited 5 months and both were not virgins. It’s actually more special that we don’t do it a lot and it’s a fun suprise. It’s not like an every day thing. I think it’s the sign of a mature relationship πŸ™‚ 

Post # 30
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yeah we don’t do it often, but when we do it’s great πŸ™‚ We’ve been married two years now.

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