(Closed) Any other marrieds sleep in separate beds?

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

no but that is interesting!

are they in the same room?

Post # 4
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My great grandparents slept in seperate rooms, but they were in their late 70s by the time I was born. I always thought it was strange but never questioned it

Post # 5
1428 posts
Bumble bee

@Josalyn – my grandparents slept in separate beds in the same room LOL.
Whatever works for you as a couple.

Post # 6
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

LOL sometimes I think we need 2 beds. I’m a bed hog. But he says he can’t sleep well when i’m not there ( how sweet).

Post # 7
46 posts
  • Wedding: November 2008

We sleep together, most of the time.  However, sometimes Darling Husband can’t sleep and will go into the guest bedroom, or if our cat decides to wake us up at 5am (she’ll meow and cry if we shut the door to the master, but if Darling Husband goes into the guest and shuts the door, it doesn’t bother her) then he goes in to the guest.  He also slept in the guest room a lot when he was sick for a few months, because he didn’t sleep well, tossed a lot, and woke up a lot at night.  In short, I’d say he leaves our bed about twice a week. He’s also 6’4", so there’s not tons of extra real estate.  It was rarer when we had a king in our old apartment.

Talking to a friend of mine this weekend, she and her Darling Husband are buying twins and pushing them together.  She said that when she’s mentioned that to people, a lot have responded that they don’t always sleep w/ their SO, or expressed envy at an alternate arrangement.

Post # 8
25 posts
  • Wedding: May 2009

I once met two gay men that lived together and each had a double bed in the bedroom. They said they loved to be with each other but just couldn’t sleep well in the same bed. I thought it was incredibly sweet and very mature.

I don’t think you’re crazy!

Post # 9
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I would do it in a heartbeat, but what I REALLY want is my own bedroom (considering that we sold our firstborn to get a one bedroom that just isn’t happening).  My husband is a HUGE bed-hog and right now we only have a full, so most nights he pushes so hard, I wind up just giving up and sleeping on our couch in the living room.  And since we are on such different schedules (he is a doctor, so most mornings he is up at 4:30am and kicks me off the couch so he can turn on the lights in the living room) we constantly wake each other up trying to get to or out of bed, and alarms are going off all the time…. but he’s moving away in a few months, and I’ll still be here for a few more years while I finish my Ph.D.  To be honest, getting the bed all to myself kind of makes me a wee bit giddy inside.  Not that I won’t miss him (I will, terribly) but the thought of making it through an entire night without getting elbowed in the ribs so hard that I wind up black and blue? Yes, please!

Post # 10
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

My grandparents were happily married for 60-odd years (before my grandma died), and for the last 10 years or so of their marriage they had separate bedrooms. They had been driving each other crazy with their non-compatible sleeping habits, and moving into separate rooms was the breath of fresh air their relationship needed. Their relationship really improved after doing this because it injected some spark—right down to sleepovers in the other’s bedroom!

So I think separate beds/bedrooms can be great. It all depends on if it is a decision that will bring you closer together or push you farther apart. Sometimes time apart—in this case, time asleep—brings you closer together.  I don’t think you’re crazy at all. In fact I think you are brave for choosing a solution that makes you both happy even though it’s not the norm.

Personally we sleep in the same bed and I don’t see that changing but I am looking forward to having a house or a bigger apartment someday so I can have my own room. Not necessarily a room for sleeping in, but just a place that is all my own. I think if possible everyone should have a little real estate that’s just for them (be it a room or just a corner). 

Post # 11
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

We’ll be sleeping together, he fusses that he can’t sleep well without me there. But I agree with chelseamorning (did I spell that right?), having my own space would be really nice. Unfortunately we’ll be in a studio the first 8 months or so, so no way that’ll happen! I might get my own recliner tho, so that counts for something, right? ๐Ÿ™‚

I think it’s great that you’re willing to do something unconventional since it works for you. A lot of people would insist on sharing a bed just for the sake of “it’s what you’re supposed to do” or “what will people think” and if that’s not the best choice for them, their marriage could suffer. So good for you! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow, I could not imagine what it would be like for us sleeping in seperate beds…I just think we wouldn’t be having that intimate time so much.  But, I have known people to sleep in seperate beds/rooms, it’s whatever works for each couple.

Post # 14
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2018 - Still Looking!

This has been on my mind lately, as late pregnancy has changed so much about the way I sleep.  I need a ton of room for my huge self and all my pillows, get up every 90 minutes to pee, insist on an open window (yes, in February) because I get so hot….  Mr T has been incredibly good about learning to sleep through all of this, but then sometimes I get insomnia and get mad at him because he’s actually sleeping!  After baby will be even worse, when there are feedings and diaper changes to work out.

But even with all this, I don’t think I’d want to sleep apart.  There’s something that just … fills my spirit … about settling in next to him at night.  And I love being able to reach out and hold hands when we’re falling asleep. 

Post # 15
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Wow, how refreshing to hear these comments. I would love to sleep in the same bed. I had a double bed for years, right up until I read an article that said sleeping in a double bed is equal to sleeping in a crib as an adult – how funny!  It was tiny, but it forced us to snuggle when my Fiance (then BF) slept over.  I always loved how he would instinctively roll over and snuggle up when I got into bed – maybe b/c he wanted to, but probably b/c there was no more room : )

I think we would do well in 2 beds because I love to stay up late and he likes to go to bed at a decent time.  I also love to hit the snooze button at least 7 – 10 times b/f I get up.  It drives him crazy.  I have always wanted a private suite with a common sitting area with a tv, couch, etc., and off of the sitting room there would be 2 small private bedrooms and 2 separate baths.  Possible?  I don’t know, but one can dream. 

Post # 16
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I think it’s great that you guys do what works for you and are happy with it! We share a bed, it’s a King, so we have plenty of room, but we do each have separate blankets. We cannot share a blanket! We tried for the first like 4 days we were married, and then gave up, he stole it every night! Everyone (who knows, like our families) think we are crazy, but I can’t stand sharing a blanket with him. Sometimes I do get irritated when he tosses and turns in the middle of the night, because he does it so violently, but it’s not too bad. With a huge bed a separate blankets, a lot of the time it feels like we do have our own beds!

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