(Closed) Any other marrieds sleep in separate beds?

posted 11 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Bee
11810 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

Not married yet, but I’ve lived with my fiance for the past 2.5 years.  we cannot stand to sleep apart!  we’re so used to sleeping together now, that we don’t sleep well when we’re away from each other.

Post # 19
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2008

We slept in seperate beds until just last month. We’re in our 30s, set in our ways and both had queen sized beds. We wanted to sleep together but it was miserable. At first, our friends thought we were nuts….then they were kind of jealous.  We agreed to use whatever cash we got from the wedding to buy a king sized bed so that we could sleep together comfortably.  Now we sleep really well together!  A set of earplugs to tune out snoring is a must too!!

Post # 20
Member
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

My husband’s parents have never shared a room for the past 33+ years.  She wiggles too much and he snores too loud for them to sleep comfortably according to them.  I asked my husband if it ever seemed to affect their intimacy and he said no.  They always made time for each other.  Granted as he got older and stayed up later he knew when his parents were together but it hasn’t seemed to bother him.

The only time we keep separate beds was if one of us isn’t sleeping and its been going on so long that they are being affected during their normal day due to sleep deprivation.  Then we’ll spend one, maybe two nights apart until we are refreshed.

Post # 21
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2007

Hey, if that’s what works for you, that’s great! It’s good you have the confidence to do something like that, even though it’s non-traditional.

We have different sleeping schedules as well- he’s ALWAYS in bed before I am and the first one out in the morning as well. But I’m such a deep sleeper (too deep actually) I rarely notice when he gets up until after he’s dressed and out of the bedroom. But, like others have said, he tells me all the time that he doesn’t sleep as well if I’m not in bed- even when I was hugely pregnant and getting up to pee or trying to shift my huge self into a more comfortable position (seriously, when you’re pregnant, it’s pretty much nonexistant!).  And I find it very hard to fall asleep on the rare occasion that he is gone when I go to bed. If we had seperate beds, I’m afraid one or the other of us would getting up and climbing in with the other before morning! Being in bed together, since our son’s birth 8 weeks ago, has proved to be our together time- even just for talking and discussing things. But, hey, whatever floats you boat!

Post # 22
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

I lived with a previous boyfriend and we had our own rooms. One of my closest friends does this with his girlfriend.

My finance would never go for it though, and we couldn’t afford a second bedroom anyway.

Post # 23
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

We have separate rooms and beds, but we do meet in the middle a lot…IYKWIM. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m a really light sleeper and I hate to take sleeping pills and my husband sounds like a freight train. So, I’m in my room with a sound machine to block out ALL noise and he’s in another making ALL the noise he can! ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s not perfect, but it works. I think once we get a new king bed we might try it again, but for now we’re making it work.

Post # 24
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay

Hey, I say whatever works for you – do it!  My grandparents have separate rooms and have been married for almost 50 years

Honestly, the idea of having separate beds is appealing to me.  I sleep MUCH better on my own.  I don’t think we’d ever make the switch, but a California King is in our future.  The queen just isn’t cutting it.

Post # 25
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think if you both feel the same way then there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.  And the part about getting tucked in at night is too cute. Embrace the things that make you different from other married couples. My husband and I go to bed at different times anyway so theres not much of a difference. And if I reached out to hold his hand at night when he was sleeping it would probably startle him ๐Ÿ™‚   @quiche:I love my hubby dearly but I am with you on the California King. Once we can afford it the bed upgrade is a must.

Post # 26
Member
497 posts
Helper bee

Ha ha…Tulip – we’re in the same boat over here…with all the pillows and my growing belly and our small queen sized bed and my 2 trips to the bathroom a night, I get annoyed that Mr Corn is sleeping soundly away.  Of course, now he’s back to traveling, so during the week I get the whole bed to myself ๐Ÿ™‚  Not that I don’t miss him desperately when he is away, but having the bed to myself is the one perk of his travel schedule.

Post # 27
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

It took a lot of getting used to for me to sleep soundly with my husband.

Before we lived together it was really bad because we each only had a full sized bed- so we were practically on top of each other (NOT in a good way).

When we moved in together we got a queen and that was a big improvement, but I wanted seperate blankets.  Well, he didn’t like that.  So, while it took a couple of weeks, I toughed it out and got used to sharing a bed and blankets.

Now it’s fine.  I sleep as soundly as I did by myself.  But if definitely took some getting used to.

Post # 28
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

We’re not married, but our "bed routine" is that I sleep on the side against the wall, so I can squish up against it and give him most of the room without falling off! (It sounds awful, but I sleep really well in small spaces).

When at a hotel with 2 queen beds, we each take one. He’s used to a king, so there’s no way we could share a queen with no wall to hold me in! (Although he once moved the nightstand and pushed them together).

Post # 29
Member
9 posts
Newbee

My Boyfriend or Best Friend falls asleep most nights on his couch watching TV.  I don’t have a TV in my bedroom.  Since we have been dating, I have acquired a roommate, which makes it strange for him to be out on the couch alone at all hours with the TV blaring (at least for me and the etiquette of being a thoughtful roommate). 

The only compromise we have come up with so far is him watching TV on his computer in my bed (while wearing headphones – I go to sleep earlier than he does).  I wish we could someday go to bed together (in more than a falling asleep after Twister manner) and wake up together without someone needing to leave or spend hours watching hulu.  If wishes were horses….

Post # 30
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I’m like you rosychicklet!  We seldom actually slept together when we were dating or even engaged, as he has kids, and we just thought it wouldn’t be a great example – so it was limited to weekends when the kids were with their mom, or when we were out of town.  As a result, we never got used to sleeping together, and had a really hard time for a while.  We definately need a king-sized bed, although a new bedroom set is a ways down on the priority list.

And sometimes one or the other of us is having a bad night, and so ends up on the couch; sometimes he snores, and then he has to wake up to my alarm and wake me up, because I put in ear plugs (can’t hear him snore, but also can’t hear my alarm either – and I get up about 45 minutes before him, as I have a longer commute.

It was worth the adjustment period though – now we both sleep just fine the majority of the time, and we really wouldn’t consider separate beds or bedrooms except as a last resort.  Everybody I know does that every once in a while – like when one person has a bad cold – but for our few friends who admit to doing it most of the time, it seems to correspond to a fairly high level of marital disatifaction.  Not to judge anybody’s situation – whatever works for you – but I can absolutely say that if you really don’t give sleeping together a fair chance, then it’s going to seem like it won’t work for you.

Post # 31
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Suzzano- for a wake up call, I put my cell on vibrate under my pillow as an alarm… Just a thought (since you use ear plugs and all).

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