Post # 1
- Wedding: August 2014 - my mother's amazing garden
Let me explain…
My bf and I have been dating since May 2010. We started discussing marriage around December 2010, and had even tossed around some wedding ideas. In February, I called him upset one night and was convinced that he didnt love me, was never gonna get married (yeah… i know it was crazy but I was PMS’ing and had just returned back to Bermuda after being with him for V-day). He then blurted out that he had actually brought me a ring and had intended to ask my grandfather for permission to marry me when he came down in April… Awwwww….
So, April come and goes…. No ring, no proposal, and as far as I know no asking my grandfather….
Fast forward to September and I am now ready to BUG!!! So we talked last week and had a come to Jesus…. He basically shared that becasue he lost his job in January he has worried about his ability to provide for me. He currntly works part-time, but sated that he is not prepared to make that next step until he has another full-time job. He stated that he loves me and wants us to be a family, and otherwise he would have already married me by now. (We had set a date in our heads of September 2011, back in February).
I can definitley get where he is coming from, and he is an old-fashioned “a man needs to be a provider” kind of guy.
So….. am I the only recession bee????
Post # 3
No you aren’t!!!! My SO lost his job last November. Took at temp job that was from Jan-Apr then was unemployed from Apr until July and finally landed another job in August (this is another temp, but temp to hire so we are hopeful). It’s hard we want to get married but he feels like he has to provide. I think it kind of bugs him that I make significantly more than him. We compromised on the ring and are using a ring from my grandmother, but he wants to get all his bills paid up before we are engaged. The economy has definitly set us back and I’m trying very hard to be patient, I feel for you!
Post # 4
Not the only one! My guy and I have discussed marriage (at length), but no proposal…despite my clearly stating that to me the marriage is more important than the jewelry and I didn’t need a ring (although I would never say no to one LOL). The last time I brought up the idea of getting engaged, or just talking about getting engaged, and he said he wanted to save some money first. As in, he wanted the money in the bank before we TALKED engagement. (see my rant from last night lol) He’s very old-fashioned in that way too I guess, he’s always wanted to be the provider (even when we first started dating, he always tried to put a little money aside each week in case either one of us needed it) and all he wants is to take care of me. I think this is adorable, despite me being a huge pain in the butt about taking care of myself LOL. Good luck to both of you!
Post # 5
What’s the rush anyway? If you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him does it really matter if you have a ring today, tomorrow or next year? You haven’t even been together that long!!
Post # 6
You’re definitely not alone! I have been dating my SO since April 2009. We knew almost immediately that this was something special and shortly thereafter that it would be forever. Then he got a part-time layoff and was bringing next to nothing home. He comes from an Italian family where “the man is supposed to provide for his woman” and allowing me to do things like pay for dinner were a huge hit on his pride – let alone the fact that he couldn’t afford to move our relationship forward with a ring and/or living together.
He finally got a full time position earlier this year and I’ve been told he’ll be proposing before the end of the year, but I’m still waiting.
So the moral of the story is – sometimes a man’s pride is something you just have to accept. I’ve told him plenty of times that I don’t need a big ring and I don’t need a big production, but he is determined to do something special. Don’t lose hope and patience is the key! (at least I’m hoping it is!!)
Post # 7
I am (raises hand!), I am!
I truly believe the only reason we aren’t engaged yet is because he had lost his job late last year. He recently got another job, but it is less than ideal and much less than he previously earned.
It can be hard sometimes because I think, “I don’t care about money!” but he is definitely the provider type. He’s amazing.
Sigh, the economy really needs to improve 🙂
Hang in there and try to remember that the most important thing is that you are together and the engagement / wedding WILL come and it’ll be amazing!
Post # 8
You are (clearly) not alone! I am also another waiting bee thanks to the recession. My SO and I live with his parents to help us get on our feet. My man has a well-paying job, but he doesn’t much care for it. As for me, I’ve been scrounging desperately trying to look for ANYTHING to snag up to help us move along faster. It’s tough. But if you can get through this, you can get through anything. Keep your chin up, things WILL turn around!
Post # 9
I was!!! My OH works for himself and two and a half years ago ALL his client work dried up due to the financial crisis here, it was awful. For almost two years solid he had very little income and was living on maxed credit. We live together and I’m on steady wages but his pride wouldn’t let me to take on more than my share of our expenses (we split everything 50/50). I loaned him £s on a couple of occasions but he paid me back as soon as he was able.
Not only did it mean that for two years we NEVER went out to dinner or movies or any of the things we love to do together, he also didn’t feel that he was in a position to be able to provide etc and propose marriage. He asked my Dad’s permission in Oct 2010 but it wasn’t until early this year that his business started to pick up again and he felt secure and he proposed in March this year!
The ring he proposed with is a gemstone ring ie. not diamond and he said that we can go buy a diamond any time, but I adore my ring and I know he still hasn’t got the cash so I won’t be requesting an upgrade any time soon.
Post # 10
You are not alone at all. The only reason I even had time to feel like I was waiting is because of money plus unexpected life events that cost money. All that equals I would have a ring over a year ago. =/ you are not alone.