Post # 16
I don’t have kids yet so I’m not sure what my stance will be. That said, it seems that unfortunately abuse is most often to occur at the hands of the people who parents least suspect and who the child knows well — i.e. close family and friends, religious leaders. I would think that stastically, the risk would be lower of something untoward happening at a sleepover at an acquaintance’s house than it would in the home of someone who the parents think they know well.
Post # 17
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
I went to and hosted sooo many sleepovers as a kid. I have the best memories and it would seem like a real loss for a child to miss out on that.
In general though I don’t believe in not living life out of fear. You’re more likely to get in a car accident than your child is to be molested. Not that I’m saying it isn’t horrible…
That said I would only allow my child to go to a sleepover at a friends house if I know them and the parents well, not some new kid they just started hanging out with last week.
Post # 18
It 100% depends on the family and the kid. I’m not sure what my specific criteria would be, but I know right now that it’s important to emphasize to your children (especially girls, where sleepovers are bred by the sorority-esque girl love that girl groups model themselves after) that sleepovers are a luxury, and are not a requirement to have fulfilling, lifelong relationships.
Post # 19
strawberrysakura : Thank you, that’s a very helpful perspective!
Post # 20
browneyedgirl24 : That’s very interesting and ties in to what strawberrysakura said about how molesters first try to build a relationship and get the child to trust them which would probably confuse the child and prevent them from seeking help or saying no.
Post # 21
My sister wont let her kids who are 10, 8 and 6 have sleepovers. I think it’s sad. If you know the friends parents well, I don’t see the issue.
Post # 22
Forbidding sleepovers at a friend’s house for fear of molestation is the wrong way to go about keeping your kid safe. Parents who are overprotective do their kids no favors.
Post # 23
My daughter is 12. Only if I’ve met the other girl, their parents, and I am VERY overly cautious if there are older brothers in the house.
Post # 24
sunburn : I agree.
Our reasoning has much more to do with our attachemnt parenting style and our evening routine. We spend our evening together playing games, lego, and doing quite a bit of reading, then we lay with him and sing until he falls asleep. He loves this time with us, and I’m going to cherish it for as long as humanly possible. He’s not emotionally ready to spend the night at anyone elses home, so I won’t push that on him if he gets invited somewhere. He is the most confident and independent child that I know, so I’m not concerned in the least that he won’t be ready some day. Just not at seven.
Post # 25
LilliV : Love all of this! I don’t have kids but many of my friends do and I have nieces and nephews and I always ask first if they would like to give a hug! If not, I say no problem, maybe next time if you want!
regarding the sleepovers, I can’t imagine letting my kid sleep over at someone’s house unless the parents were friends of mine before kids. Ie- not my kid meets jack in kindergarten and wants a sleepover.
Post # 26
sollyb : I recently heard of “sleep unders” for the younger kids. The kids show up in jammies, eat pizza, watch a movie (while moms drink wine in the other room), and then everyone goes home and sleeps in their own beds. I’m super down with that! Sleepovers can wait until junior high.
Post # 27
My parents only allowed sleepovers at family members houses. I deeply resented that because the sleepover rule encompassed the dichotomy of my parents’ extreme strictness. I couldn’t even talk on the phone until I was 12 and my mother often listened to my calls. I couldn’t wear makeup until I was 16. I couldn’t date until I was 18 and my curfew was 12AM until I was 20. If I stayed out past 12AM after age 20, my parents would rant at me and call me names. I moved out the following year because I was tired of living like a prisoner.
I was molested by my cousin when I went to his house after school until my mother came home. I’m only sharing this to illustrate that not allowing sleepovers will not always protect children. I’m not looking for pity…especially since I have healed and karma has bit my cousin in the ass.
Post # 28
LilliV : We have done that a few times and my son loved it!
Post # 29
LilliV : If their feelings are hurt because I’m teaching my child that she is 100% in control of who touches her body then tough shit.
OMGGGGGGG you are literally the best mom ever. Love your outlook and love your insight. I don’t have kids but if I ever do I wanna be JUST LIKE THIS! Unapologetically teaching bodily autonomy is the way we, as a society, will end abuse on a large scale. We need more moms like you 💜💜💜
Post # 30
chillbee29 : I think if you are going to prevent sleepovers because of child molestation, you also need to do the following:
– Never date as a single parent
– Have no other men in the house such as father or brothers
– Never allow cousins or uncles to be unattended with the child
– Not allow the child to do any extra-cirricula activities such as sport, attend church, etc.
Because these are the most likely candidates.
Sleepovers were some of my best memories as a child, both at grandparents houses and at friends.
I think the more important thing is to foster a strong relationship with your children where they trust you, and educate them in an age-appropriate way about stranger danger and body autonomy.