Post # 31
depends what you mean by ‘anyone’ – my kids stay at their grandparents house but they have never slept over at a friends.
if you blanket mean ‘everyone’ then I am curious why someone would not let their kids stay with grandparents though (unless your parents where abusive to you as a child).
I feel I should also say molestation was not my reason for not leting kids stay other places but rather fire, fires are pretty common around here and I have seen parents leave their OWN children in burning buildings, if I dont 100% trust you to give your life to save my child then I will not putting you in charge of their life.
Post # 33
I don’t have kids yet but I would allow sleepovers, in theory and within reason. Making a blanket ban seems irrational and actually not helpful for what you’re trying to achieve.
Your child is probably more likely to be abused in their own home by a partner of yours or with grandparents than at a sleepover with friends so it seems odd to have a rule against the latter.
I would probably decide on an age when I felt they were ready and only allow them to sleep over when I knew the parents but I wouldn’t just ban it.
Post # 34
- Wedding: June 2017 - City, State
rosadiaz : just wanted to say that men are, unfortunately, not the only ones capable of molesting children and ignoring that makes it that much more difficult for children coming forward, especially boys. This comment was very targeted against men and while it is more common, it is certainly not the only gender.
Post # 35
I don’t have kids yet, but when I was growing up, I had sleepovers all. the. time. It wasn’t uncommon for me to spend an entire weekend at a friend’s house or for them to come to my house.
I think the concern of your child being hurt is definitely warranted, but how many stories do you hear of family members or close family friends molesting children? Another poster commented about grooming and I find that to be way more accurate than the father or brother of your child’s friend randomly deciding to molest them at a sleepover.
It reminds me of a friend I had in high school. Even at sixteen, her parents didn’t allow sleepovers for fear of something like that happening. Yet the girl spent many weekends with her aunt and uncle and was molested by her uncle for years. Point being that it’s often the people you least suspect who are able to get close enough to the child to harm them.
You don’t protect your children by putting them in a bubble and shielding them. You protect them by teaching them autonomy from a young age. Meaning, no one touches, kisses, hugs you without permission. If you feel uncomfortable, speak up and don’t be afraid to do so. Know what are bad places to be touched. You teach kids not to be embarrassed by their body parts and to call them by their correct names.
Post # 36
happiekrappie : thank you! A few years ago I saw a cartoon that showed a small child being forced to give creepy uncle a hug and then the next frame was a girl being victim blamed for date rape saying “why didn’t you say no and fight back more?” there was a lot more to the cartoon that I wish I still had it, but it stuck with me. The girl had been taught to people please and not stand up for herself as a child but then expected to have those skills as an adult.
Post # 37
My oldest is 5 (5.5 in 2months) and I just this past weekend let her play at someone’s house alone for the first time for about 2.5 hours (so I dropped her off and came back and picked her up). It was her best friend from daycare and I’ve known both parents about a year and a half and before we took them together somewhere and I felt comfortable letting her play. Her friend has a 2-3 year older sister that I’ve also met numerous times.
I would consider letting her sleepover when she is a little older but it will probably just depend on the situation. I dont’ see myself letting her stay over at someone’s house whose parents I’ve never met and talked with at least multiple times when she’s 6 or 7 years old, for instance. A 10 year old is a little different.
Also, I definitely allow sleepovers at my parents house. So far my kids (5, 2.5) have just stayed the night at my parents house and with my Mother-In-Law (MIL does not live near us but she has had a hotel room a few times by us and I let my kids stay at the hotel with her for a night)
Post # 38
happiekrappie : FOUND THE CARTOON!
This cartoon really made me think long and hard about my parenting strategies and how I speak to my child.
Post # 39
I used to sleep over at friends houses all the time when I was about 12-16 years old. It was a big thing with the girls at my school, and a common way to celebrate birthdays (5 or 6 girls all talking about crushes and watching chick flicks). I would have been really sad to not be allowed to go. They were very tame TBH, but I think you have to know your child and their friends; if they are wild, it would probably be much different. We were all in sleeping bags on the living room floor; unlikely any adult could have snuck in unnoticed and done something bad.
I don’t remember sleeping over anywhere younger than that.
I had two friends who, at 16, were not allowed to go to sleep overs. One didn’t seem to mind (she came from a very religious family and didn’t want to watch the teen films we were watching, so it seemed to be her choice). The other seemed to have super strict parents who wouldn’t let her do anything. When she went to college she went completely off the rails.
Post # 40
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
My sister never ever allows sleepovers. Maybe the friend is ok, maybe the dad is ok. But what if there’s a random uncle or older cousin in the house that you don’t even know about? I respect her decision to do it that way.
Post # 41
i slept over childhood friends houses all the time, but all our parents were close friends with eachother. I hardly ever did sleep overs with regular school friends though. I think it was more a matter of i didnt love sleeping over peoples house when i was younger as much as some kids do i guess, more then it was my parents decision not to let me.
i do feel times are different now, when my kid hits the age of sleepovers, unless im close friends with the parents then i probably wont allow it.
Post # 42
My daughter is turning 8 and her birthday is this weekend and she is having a sleepover party. Around here her friends have started to have sleepovers at friends houses. She has been to one, at the house of a family I know pretty well. I was very careful in my invitation wording for her upcoming party though- didn’t want to exclude any girls who weren’t comfortable or whose parents wouldn’t let them. So I said come celebrate her birthday party, and those who feel comfortable are welcome to stay and spend the night. I suspect maybe 1/2 the girls will spend the night- the ones whose parents we have known a while.
There is one good friend of my daughters, her mother is super protective. I know she won’t be allowed to spend the night, although the little girl was bummed out when she wasn’t allowed to sleep over at the previous sleepover. I know it isn’t anything against me and my husband- she has known my husband since elementary school. I honestly think something awful may have happened to her at some point and now she is over protective of her daughters.
i think being careful and cautious is all you can do. Be reasonable in vetting the people, but doesn’t make your kid so sheltered they can’t have normal relationships. Y’all pray for me this weekend with ten 8 year old girls!
Post # 43
milkandcookies : Oh, I’m no man hater. I was going off the Australian Government statistics of the most common molestors.
Women absolutely can be molestors, however men make up around 90% of perpetrators.
Roughly 80% of cases are perpetrated by family members or people close to the family eg. Neighbour or family friend.
My point was that if you forbid your child from going to sleepovers for the primary reason of avoiding child molestation, but you allow your child around the people who are most statistically likely to molest them, it doesn’t make any logical sense.
A better option as several PP have mentioned, is to teach children body autonomy from a young age.
Post # 44
rosadiaz : So apparently no women have ever molested a child? Perfect example right there of a gross generalization generalization. Disgusting
Post # 45
I wouldn’t do it until my kid was old and confident enough to speak up and speak out about any wrongdoings that they may experience at a sleepover.
On the same note, I also do not want to host any sleepovers because I don’t trust anyone else’s children who might make false claims just for ‘sh*ts and giggles’.
Society is getting way out of hand today. Even though pedos existed since the beginning of time, but I feel that now society as a whole lost a significant amount of moral fabric.