I’m also a State Trooper wife. I couldn’t agree more with what PP have said. Get ready for a novel I have a lot of advice since it’s still so fresh.
My husband and I got married April of last year, and he started the State Patrol Academy in June. His program was 31 weeks M-F, so Monday at 8 AM through Friday at 5 PM he wasn’t allowed to leave campus or have any visitors. The academy was run much like military basic training. His clothes had to be pressed, folded and put away a certain way, everything had to be polished, and clean, his room had to be organized and perfect otherwise his things would be thrown in the hallway on room inspection day. On top of that he had tests, required reading, physical fitness classes, and of course getting to know the other cadets. Please, please, please don’t take it personal or hold it against him if some nights he’s too tired or busy to call you. I’d much rather my husband spend his free time getting to know the other cadets instead of talking to me since these are the men and women who could potentially be saving his life.
To help keep up his morale I would write him letters for each day of the week he was gone and sneak them into his suitcase when he left for the week. He still has every letter I wrote because he said some mornings that was what kept him going. If your husband is allowed to have them, I also baked cookies or snacks that he kept in his car.
The day my husband graduated was the best day of my entire life, even trumping my wedding day. Now that he is a commissioned trooper life has changed so much. A lot of senior troopers have given us some really great advice. Get to know the other officers your husband will be working with. These people will become a huge part of your life. Also, their experience and words of wisdom will be very helpful. Some things they suggested to us:
If he is working swing shift or has to work late into the night do you want him to wake you when he gets home? I find it comforting to hear my husband take off his gear and wake me to let me know he is home.
Set-up somewhere near the front door where he can take off his shoes. No work shoes are allowed in the house since he could have been handling accident scenes with blood and other bodily matter.
Allow him time to decompress when he gets home. You have no idea what he saw that day or the people he had to deal with. I have learned not to take it personal if I get the silent treatment when he gets home.
Holidays, birthdays, anniversary dates will become just a number on the calendar. My husband worked Christmas, my birthday, our wedding anniversary, and many other special occasions. You’ll learn fast that these days are just numbers on a calendar, and it doesn’t matter if you have Christmas the 20th or the 25th. It does get lonely when you have to go to special occasions alone or spend your birthday by yourself, the actual date has no real significance. Also, it is really easy to grow resentment towards your husband because he is missing so many events whether he is scheduled to work or gets called out. I can’t count the number of times I spent hours cleaning and cooking a nice meal for my husband to have to work late and I end up eating alone.
If your husband’s shifts rotate like my husband’s do, there may be months were you only see each other a couple hours a week. My husband can work 7am- 3pm w/ Thursdays and Fridays off, then the next month work 11pm- 7 am with Mondays and Tuesdays off. For us, I only work part time so that I am home more to spend time with him. We don’t have a lot of extra money, but I treasure the extra time we get together.
If he is going to be working late maybe set up a special code he can text you to let you know he is safe in case he doesn’t have the time or ability to call. Ours is just a single number.
I’m sorry this was so long. It really is hard to be married to a LEO and takes a lot of love and support. All the best to you and your husband!