- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
Hello Catholic bees! I’ll try to explain as clearly/quickly as possible:
I’m a semi-practicing Catholic but I used to be SUPER Catholic…. worked at my parish for years, served in just about every ministry and I spent a year on N.E.T. (a charismatic, very Catholic traveling retreat team). I was always sort of the liberal odd-ball of my team, but I love them dearly and am still very close to them.
I’m recently engaged to a cradle Catholic who no longer practices. If pushed, he’d probably consider himself Agnostic, but is willing to go to church with me, etc. Additionally, we both feel strongly that civil marriage and the Sacrament of Marriage are two very different things. We are both huge allies of the LGBT community and believe in marriage equality (which is now law in our homestate. Yay!) but I also see that the Church has the right to refuse to marry anyone she chooses (i.e. not marrying people with only civil divorces, requiring interfaith couples to promise to raise future babies Catholic, etc.).
So…. My grand plan is to have a two-day wedding celebration. Saturday will be our civil ceremony and big reception and Sunday we will have our marriage blessed (Convalidation) by my dear Deacon friend. This will ensure Fiance is comfortable at our “big” wedding but also that my dad will consider us “really married” 😛 The civil ceremony also HAS TO come first because otherwise the Catholic wedding would be the legally binding one and the whole point is that this doesn’t make sense to me.
And now a Bridesmaid Issue:
I really want to ask my last single NET team sister to stand up with me at our wedding. I think she would want to as well. However, I’m not entirely sure how comfortable she (or any of the team, really) will feel about my whole two wedding idea. I want to do the whole cute “Will you be my bridesmaid” box idea.. but before putting her in the position of answering I need her to understand my plan and know what she’s agreeing to. I would hate for her to get excited about being a bridesmaid and THEN hear my plan and feel awkward if she wants to back out. I only want her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man if she’s comfortable with it and totally get that she might not be.
So…. any thoughts on how to talk to her about this? She lives in another state, so should I call her? Email her? Or would you just ask her to be your bridesmaid and THEN tell her? Should I include a letter in the box talking about my plan?