- 2 months ago
- Wedding: January 2016
I came home from work one day and looked up to see the familiar sight of my fiance chopping up a vegetable for dinner. The first sentence out of his mouth was “I don’t think we should be together anymore”. I was floored. We had planned our lives together. I really couldn’t think or see past that. Like you, I had given my all to making that relationship work and I thought it was going to give me everything I wanted.
Breakup + time = realization that that relationship was taking everything I had, not giving me everything I wanted. I’m very thankful that we did not stay together. Even if he had never demanded out and we had had the kids and gotten the house, I would have been an empty shell. That’s no way to live a life, even if things on the surface appear to line up with what I thought I wanted.
When I met my husband, I went through a really difficult time mentally due to some medical issues. My husband struggled right along with me. It was a hard time for us and we got through it together and came out the other side much stronger. If I had been with my ex, it would just have been a hard time for me. He would have checked out and been totally absentee while going about his own business and been annoyed at me for not being my usual self. I would have been even more drained and recovered much more slowly because my attention would have been on getting his attention and being upset that I was displeasing him. That would have been so so so unhealthy.
There are lots of good guys left, but maybe a good chunk of them are not good at putting themselves out there. I recommend doing online dating and being open to people who may seem a bit “clunky”. When I met my husband, he had not dated in almost a decade. He had been doing his own thing and then woke up one day and felt lonely. His dating profile was awful. Like textbook awful. We talked online for a few hours and met the next day. He was really awkward and nervous but very sincere. People can learn quickly if the desire is there. I hope you find your good egg soon. Don’t lose hope and talk to a lot a lot of people. It will up your odds. Not everyone represents themselves well at first.