(Closed) any spouses/SO of med students or doctors?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am not a medical student yet but hope to be next year. I am finishing my masters in Aug. and applying to med school this year. So i cannot be much of help but from what I know its different for everybody, just like college. However, I do believe it will be like college on steroids ๐Ÿ™‚ It will probably be much more intense, stressful and you wont have as much time together. Expect the first year to be the hardest. On a happy note. I have talked to some students who got them self in a great schedule and said that they stayed on campus from 8-5 M-F (and maybe extra on the weekends before a test) and when they went home the put all school behind them. I hope to be that disiplined. I know of another kid who some how hardly went to class and just read the books at home. He must have been a genius. He also went skiing/snowboarding every weekend. So I would def expect some changes and especially int he first semster. It takes everyone a while to get used to a new program. But dont stress about it. I would DEFINITELY go to the spouse group. It always helps to have support from friends who are in the same situation! Best of luck!

Post # 4
Member
2404 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Fiance is finishing up his 2 year residency for his dental specialty and although it is not med school I can def relate! Fiance has always had his nose in a book and is an ever dedicated student… even after he graduates I know that won’t change. ( I’m sure your Darling Husband is the same! )

I can’t really compare these past 2 years too much to college or his 4 years in dental school because we weren’t living together then. We moved to a new state, moved in together, and his residency started. All i can say is that he goes to school till 5, then goes to the library.. i pick him up at 6, then we “hang out” for an hour or hour and a half, then 8-11 he locks himself in the back room and reads / studies more. I guess i’m used to it but its def a source of fighting for us because i can be very needy and want to spend more time together. I can only imagine it is worse in med school.. and for a longer stretch of time. I would def go to that meeting as i think its helpful to make friends in the same situation.

On the weekends we spend more time together which is nice and i appreciate but he takes out 4 hours sat / sun to study but i’m usually cleaning the apartment / working out anyway so its no big deal… the week is usually where i can get alittle lonley :/ Like I said, after he is done I think it will be better, but he will always be a student… reading, studying so i don’t think it will change completely.

Just be supportive and sit down and “schedule” time together. We have t.v. shows during the week we watch together and that is “our time”. Its nice and something that we can stick to. ( i know i’ve caused fights and he took time out to talk and then stayed up later in the night because i was just looking for attention. if you have “your time” then maybe they talks and arguments can be avoided)

i’m sure there are more relevant bees out there that are in the same situation, but just thought i’d chime in because i can def relate and know where you are coming from. Wish you guys the best ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 5
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I can’t relate exactly but my Fiance was in nursing school and now works as a nurse – he works long hours and often works nights – which is when I don’t get to see him for days.  He is now going back to school and I am preparing myself for alot of alone time.  I say be strong, know that it won’t last forever and make a good social circle for yourself!

Post # 6
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

fi and I are both med students.  It is a lot of study time and alot of solitude, but med students can still find time to do normal things as long as the time is well-managed.  Many of my classmates are married and while it is a transition at first, the couples do adjust and support each other.  Go to the group!  You will see those people a lot at functions and it will help you to feel part of it just like your fi.

Post # 7
Hostess
18641 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t have personal experience but I would go to that support group!  It would be great to have friends who understand what you are going through.

Post # 8
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Fiance and are met and dated as med students….and just graduated!  It is totally possible to have a life outside of medical school.  In the beginning, he’ll need to test out everything so he’ll probably need to study a lot and see how his first tests go (I would say this will be the hardest part for you guys)….after some time, he’ll gain more confidence and know how much time and work it will take for him to make the grades he wants to get.

Once Fiance and I started dating, we would go to class or clinic during the day and study most evenings together but we’d go out to dinner or make dinner most nights.  We’d study about a half a day on the weekends and do something fun together during the other half day.

As the years went on (i.e. fourth year!) we had more and more time to do more fun things–with the exception of the weeks we studied for the board exam.

I definitely recommend getting involved in the support group for SO. We have one here at our school that is pretty active.

Good Luck! It’ll be soooo worth it in the end :o)

Post # 10
Member
14185 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

A support group sounds like a great idea! I know medical school is hard, but from the people i’ve talked to personally, you put in so many hours a week that it is a lot like a very demanding career. 60-80 hour weeks are common in some sectors in the workplace (engineering for one) and i know a lot of my coworkers’ wives struggle with how much their husbands work but they simply accept that their husbands have to do what they have to do and don’t take it personally. It’s not that he doesn’t WANT to hang out with you =]. Be understanding (nobody likes a guilt trip about studying, trust me!) and find things to keep yourself busy. When he’s studying for a huge test, maybe try to get out of the house for the day so he can focus better. I know i’m more distracted if my husband’s home, i can only imagine that studying is the same way! I think you should totally go, though!

Post # 11
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I am an ICU nurse and my husband is an anesthesiologist.  We met during his CA-II year, so I kind of knew what I was getting into.  I saw him more as a resident than during his fellowship though.  As a fellow he was on call a week at a time & you never knew when that little bomb (his pager) would start to beep. 

Although….he did day medical school was *much* easier than pharmacy school.  Yes, he went straight from being a pharmacist right into medical school.  He’s nuts.

Post # 13
Member
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m graduating from med school TOMORROW!  Wink

Fiance and I dated all through my med school career and it’s definitely possible to make a relationship work.  It takes a lot of patience and understanding (part of the reason why my Fiance is so wonderful!), but it can work!  He was my rock through the whole experience… there were so many times I wanted to quit and he was there to support me.  I think you should definitely join that support group… there’s no harm in meeting others in your same shoes.  They may end up being really cool people.  Good luck to you and your Darling Husband.  It’s a long road, but worth it!  Laughing

Post # 14
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Several of my classmates’ wives had a first baby during med school……In fact, three girls in my class had a baby in med school.  One of them was having her second baby!  It can be done :o)

Post # 15
Member
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with @nona49.  Lots of babies were born to people in my class (whether it was them carrying the child, or a spouse).  One of my female classmates had one our 1st year, and one our 4th year.  If she can do it, you can definitely do it!  Wink

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