Any tension with F/MIL?

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: How is your F/MIL?
    She throws shade sometimes, I'm over it : (25 votes)
    23 %
    I don't get along with her at all : (14 votes)
    13 %
    She's okay : (21 votes)
    19 %
    We get along great : (51 votes)
    46 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    916 posts
    Busy bee

    I would like to think my boyfriend’s mother and I get along pretty well. I attended college out of state, so I actually ended seeing his family far more often than my own (which I know was something my mom struggled with). His mom is a very old timey, southern women who is very heavy in opinions. Sometimes we agree and sometimes we don’t. But overall, through the five years, she has admitted to SO that she really loves me, my personality, and she’s accepted me as one of her kids already (though we won’t be engaged for another year). Now that’s great, but I’ve started to see some signs that his mom is going to be off the damn wall when wedding planning comes into action. I’m not a high maintenance person and don’t waste money (I had a job since I was 14 to help my parents out) but I would like a nice wedding. I don’t mean fireworks, horses and gold. But I would like a venue, good photographer, yummy food, open bar, etc. His mom is a HUGE penny pincher (even though his family is very well off) and thinks everyone should have a wedding like hers. Her wedding had sandwiches, music played from a boom box, and was as inexpensive as one can go. She actually told me a few weeks back how excited she is about us having a wedding in their backyard. I first asked SO later if that’s something he told his mom he wanted, or that her trying to microplan a wedding that not only isn’t her’s but also not happening for at least another year? So she’s a nice women that sometimes has the emotional control of a 14 year old. She’s been a stay at home mom or whole life (which is wonderful, until all your kids are out of the house) and she constantly is super stressed out and BUSY though there’s not much for her to do anymore. 

    So I will admit that she can rub me the wrong way,  but she tries and she’s not the worst of the worst. She does get angry that SO and I have up and left her when she’s running late, but this women is consistantly running 40 minutes late everywhere. Even to weddings she’s late. I’ve showed I have no tolerance for people like that, and while I know she’s still angry about it, she’s starting to get it. Sorry, this turned into a rant. Basically, we get along pretty well but clearly I’ve already found some areas that I am or will start to resent her in.

    Post # 32
    Member
    331 posts
    Helper bee

    Years ago  I didn’t get on with my Mother-In-Law, she had a lot of expectations.  Made  false accusations about me from being pregnant (and she wasn’t happy about it) and no I have never been pregnant.  Another is accusing me of causing my SO mental illness.   

    Events happened concerning my SO mental illness,  we all went for a family consultation with SO psychatrist and once the psychatrist said SO’s mental illness started when he was in his preteens.  I watched MIL’s reaction when that was announced, she kept her eyes on the floor and wouldn’t look at me. 

    Weeks later she was all over me and even told my mum how caring I was.  To which my mum replied that of course Rosie is caring, she always has been caring.    

    Today we get on well,  I listen to her talk when she needs to talk to someone.  I help her when she needs it.   As for Father-In-Law he we get on good.   He treats me well, always has.

    Post # 33
    Member
    58 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    My fiancé and I are both inactive our church (LDS/Mormon) and his mom is very active. She definitely thinks I was a bad influence on him, though truthfully it was the other way around lol but because of that we had a very rough beginning. It’s okay now, but I’ll never be one of her favorites. 

    His dad is no longer a member of the church (and also divorced from MIL) and is much more relaxed and we’ve gotten along fabulously since day 1. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    1004 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    I get along with my Mother-In-Law quite well actually but DH’s family is just a whole different breed than what Im used to. They MEAN well, but are way too opinionated on everything and will let everyone know. I usually dont mind but there have been a few times where it was just too much.

    For instance, I started a job where I work from home. Darling Husband and I have always wanted to get a puppy but logistically would be hard due to work. Now that im at home, its much easier. Mother-In-Law got wind we were “entertaining” the thought of a dog and she called and lectured me for 30 minutes about how we “do not need a dog” it will be a “huge mistake” and we “need to wait until we have kids first.” Mind you, Im 29 and Darling Husband is 35. I was pretty irritated, I dont need someone who lives 10 hours away lecturing me on any decision.

    BTW- We are getting the puppy and she doesnt know about it yet! : ) Ill let Darling Husband handle that phone call.

    Post # 35
    Member
    4064 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Darling Husband and I have been a couple for 12 years, and I have never had an issue with my Mother-In-Law. And she is very blunt, so I would definitely know if she had one with me.

    We don’t always agree, but we both make it a point to be respectful to one another, and I actually love her very much. 

    It probably helps that the ex before me was tons of drama, so in comparison I look pretty good, lol.

    Post # 37
    Member
    68 posts
    Worker bee

    To be honest I’ve never met my Future Mother-In-Law and we’re not even sure she’s coming to the wedding.  She lives half an hour away but  she’s a total recluse, so she added me on facebook and that’s how we chat – it makes me a little sad sometimes, but I respect who she is, and that she’s trying to include me in her life any way she can (she sends birthday and Christmas cards etc).

    Post # 38
    Member
    335 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I adore my inlaws, and my parents get along great with them, so all six of us get together for holidays.

    Post # 39
    Member
    1004 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    calliekalico2 :  yes, I agree. I’m learning that slowly. Like I said she means well, but that’s not how I work. It’s been a fine line between wanting a close relationship with her similar to how I have with my own mother but then seeing as how that’s not possible due to that side of the family being so opinionated. Darling Husband warned me lol.

    Post # 40
    Member
    527 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    Mine is lovely. We are not super close, but we have no tension or issues at all and she has been very welcoming from day one. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    1755 posts
    Buzzing bee

    My Future Mother-In-Law anf Future Father-In-Law have both passed away and been gone for 16 years. My Fiance only has his sister and she’s a real peach. It’s doubtful at this point whether she’ll even be invited t othe wedding since she’s just not involved in my FIs life at all. I don’t think she could even tell you my name or my daughters name, that we refer to as our daughter. If she shows she will cause a pile of drama and our event coordinator will get very strict instructions to handle and boot her out if neccesary.

     

    Post # 42
    Member
    2777 posts
    Sugar bee

    It’s definitely not uncommon to have some kind of friction with in-laws. It’s hard enough to find one person you want to spend your whole life with, let alone an entire family!

    I lucked out in my case because my Future Mother-In-Law and I are quite similar and are both very laid back, do art in some shape or form, love the outdoors and wine etc etc.

    Also, his last girlfriend who he dated for 6 years was basically the opposite. She was extremely high maintenance and materialistic. So I think a lot of people in his family are very relieved he didn’t end up with her which makes me look a lot better by comparison haha. 

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