(Closed) Any tips to harness the enthusiasm of an overzealous future mother-in-law?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Can you say Engagement Party of Bridal shower?

Post # 4
Member
4337 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Asia:  I agree.  See if you can gracefully redirect her towards a pre-wedding event. You can’t ask for a party or shower, but your Fiance could mention it to her. If she’s focused on that, she might let up on the wedding planning.

Also, if you ask her for help on a few specific wedding aspects, she might be excited to feel helpful and really focus on just those items, which leaves you free to work on the other aspects at your own pace.

 

Post # 5
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would first kindly ask her to stop emailing you and calling you during work, and instead ask that she waits until you get home to start talking about wedding plans, or set a day and time when you can meet in person and talk.  Second, I would assign her a specific task, like planning an engagement party, or focusing on the decorations for the ceremony.  This way she has some clear guidelines from you and you can have your sanity back.

 

My Future Mother-In-Law sort of does the same thing, and I had to put my foot down and tell her to gather her ideas, and we can discuss them when we’re home for Thanksgiving.

Post # 7
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I know it’s important not to make her mad since she’s a future family member…but I just ignore her phone calls/make a reason I can’t chat/send her to the Fiance and Isend her mail to junk and if she asks what I thought about stuff I just say, “I’ll probably not really be seriously dealing with those details until much later.” Otherwise I just sit and nod while she talks to me. I understand how pumped she is, this is her first kid to get married and her only son. It just can get frustrating sometimes. 

 

I was also against showers for various reasons, but the elder women in my family’s church were far too opinionated about everything and once they suggested doing a church shower I was one greatful but two relieved. They have something else to nit pik to death and I don’t have any say about it. Win-win.

Post # 8
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t have much advice on this, but wanted to say- LOVED the title of this post lol

Post # 10
Member
865 posts
Busy bee

Completely delegate to her a task that is low priority to you. For example. coordinator of welcome baskets in hotel rooms, something that you dont mind letting someone else do and is low risk. Distract her. I can understand how it can be aggravating but just remember that the wedding is only a day but you will have a relationship with her for life and it’s really sweet that she wants to help. Accept her help, set limits with her and remember that some Bees post about how alone they are during the planning process. Best wishes!

Post # 11
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@GirlNextDoor:  instead of multiple emails, can you introduce her to pinterest? then have her get on with making lots of boards and have a look together once a week?

eg “mmm im thinking of yellow and blue, or coral and something…(etc etc) could you make me some boards to have a look at

thatll keep her occupied 😛

later you can say specifically “now, we’re looking at venues. or menus” and see what she thinks of the options

Post # 12
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I like the pinterest idea!  Also, maybe you two could set aside a time during the week to meet over coffee and discuss wedding plans.  Tell her to save her ideas for that so she can surprise you!

Post # 13
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Foreverblonde345:  actually this poster has a really good point. I would LOVE someone to help me plan. my family are in england, and my in-laws are in the next mexican state (also theres a massive language barrier) and i get so overwhelmed. Im paranoid of boring friends by sending emails so id love someone to be that enthusiastic. I get it can be a bit overwhelming if youre busy at work/doing other stuff though 😛

Post # 15
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything wrong in telling her that she’s overwhelming you. Obviously, her intentions are good, she wants to help, and you want her help- but she needs to calm down! 

You could tell her- “FMIL, I am so appreciative of everything you’re researching for the wedding, but I can’t take wedding-related phone calls at work, and I can’t keep up with all the e-mails you’re sending. I’m started to feel a little overwhelmed, so could we set a phone date once a week to talk about the plans?” Something like that- where she knows you appreciate her, but she’ll hopefully realize that you can’t focus on the wedding 24/7.

The topic ‘Any tips to harness the enthusiasm of an overzealous future mother-in-law?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors