Any waiting bees in grad school?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
1398 posts
Bumble bee

ronnynonny :  Ok, I see the dilemma now. It sounded like the opposite was happening. I think you should still have a conversation with him about your worries just to make sure that you guys can be on the same page to make this happen quickly.

Also, depending on where your university is and which department you are in, sometimes students or recent graduates (grad school) are able to rent out meeting places at the University for really low rates. For example, the grad students that work at Scripps institute of oceanography in SD can rent out the aquarium area for really really cheap for personal events (including weddings). So look into that!

As for how you’re feeling about lab stuff. I’d suggest seeing the counselors on campus some more. My campus has specific counselors that specialize in grad students and their anxiety issues. I used to go once a month or once every 2 weeks because I need someone to help me deal with the stress. But now that things have fallen into place with my dissertation work, I haven’t needed it as much.

You’re really not alone with that school anxiety. I literally had a job offer at a wonderful university and was worried about whether or not I had enough to graduate… Still am a little when my anxiety takes over.

Post # 17
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2020

ronnynonny :  I can relate, bee! Although my SO and I currently both work full time (actually I work overtime every single week), we are each putting ourselves through grad school. Man is it rough! We’re in a really similar situation to you, planning to get engaged soon and married, but putting it off due to financial issues and the general craziness of life/grad school.

But I wanted to offer some of the upsides I see to all of this 🙂 Firstly, congratulations for being driven enough to put yourself through grad school! I’m sure you’re both super passionate about what you do, and very hard working. Congratulations on being with someone you want to marry! I know it SUCKS having to wait. And wait. And wait. But you guys are being rational about this, and financially responsible.

It’s easy to compare yourself to others, and even feel a little jealous of friends who seem to have everything fall into place a bit easier–speaking personally. For instance, one of my very best friends is married, owns a home, and is expecting her first child. Same for almost all of my close friends, actually. Meanwhile there’s me over here like “yeah, grad school is great, I love eating ramen and tuna…” But you know what, your time will come. And one thing that comforted me was that one of those dear, married friends told me she is SO excited for when it is my turn, and that she can’t wait to be there for me. I bet your friends and family feel the same.

I’m sorry this got super rambly but I just wanted to say I seriously feel you on this one, and wish you the best. And good luck with your program!

ok quick edit: UGH MY SO IS THE SAME AS YOURS–so worried about finances and doing things the right way, more traditional thanI am, etc etc….I honestly think men are inundated with messages their whole lives about being successful and being a ‘good provider’ and stuff that the pressure of being successful financially can become a sort of fear for them. Anyway best of luck to you both <3

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