Any young bees here that have had their parents get mad when you got engaged?

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee

I have a work friend who son was 20 when he got engaged and his FI was 18. Both sets of parents were a bit disappointed as they were hoping they would see more of life and get their tertiary education before taking this step but it was their children’s decision. The parents were hoping for a long engagement but they wed at 19 and 21. The daughter-in-law had won a full scholarship and the couple had an 10 year plan to both get their degrees and then earn enough for a deposit for a home of their own before starting a family and that eased the minds’ of both sets of parents as the couple are both very bright and were planning on getting advanced degrees. Well, fast forward 3 months and she got pregnant. He had to leave school to support them both and she had to leave to have the baby. They want a big family and now say that they will go back to school once they have all their kids. So although the parents are pleased about their granddaughter there is some sadness there but no recriminations or anger at all, just support.

Post # 17
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

We got engaged at 23, married at 24, and surprisingly not one person ever said anything about us being too young (although that is fairly young for my area).

I always roll my eyes about the “must be finished school before getting engaged” stipulation that seems to be popular on here though, as I won’t be done until my 30’s. We never would have waited that long to get married!

Post # 18
Member
9755 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I will say that while my dad expressed concern, expecting a normal engagement length, my mum was thrilled right away. She was in another room when Fiance asked my dad for his blessing and ran into the room shouting ‘Yes!’.

They are both thrilled now that it is FINALLY happening. We’ll have been engaged 7 years, 3 months and 1 day on our wedding day and I wouldn’t be surprised if they were wondering whether it would ever happen! They understand why and are glad we waited – I wasn’t in a stable job when we got engaged, I got diagnosed not long after with mental illness and that took a while to stabilize, plus Fiance and I only moved out in January this year.

I think parents usually have our best interests at heart and will be there to support us whatever the case. There are exceptions of course, but the majority of time they do.

Post # 19
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I got engaged at 22 during the Spring of my senior year in college (2017). At that point, I had already accepted an offer for a well-paying job, and my fiance still had another year and a half left of school. At the time we had been together for 6 years. We will be getting married in November of this year! Fiance and I will both be 24. (I should also probably note that we are Catholic, and for us living with a significant other is not allowed before marriage, so I am currently living by myself in apartment close to work and fiance is living in his own apartment ~1.5 hours away finishing up school.)

We’ve been best friends since the 6th grade, and whenever we could we would be at each other’s side. We even went to the same college together! For what it’s worth, I was financially independent from the moment I started college. I applied to as many scholarships as I could and essentially got a full ride, I was determined to not burden my parents with paying for my college and living expenses. 

I guess it’s a culture thing, but the topic of marriage never got brought up in my family, and early on in our relationship my mom forbade fiance from visiting, until we were in a ‘serious relationship’, she said. Which essentially translated to – until we were considering marriage. I got fiance to come over a couple of times in the year before we got engaged, hoping to give a hint to my family. When we got engaged, fiance’s family was over the moon and so happy for us. They were excited to help plan for the wedding right away.  For whatever reason, my family didn’t give the same reaction, they avoided talking about the wedding and my dad would just sigh whenever it would get brought up. My mom would panic anytime I mentioned wedding dress shopping and would say ‘it’s too soon’. I couldn’t understand why they were reacting that way, fiance had even gone to get my parents’ blessing 3 months before he proposed, all on his own. I don’t think they were ‘angry’, I feel that they were sad that I was leaving the nest so soon. That, and I got some offhand comments from extended family saying ‘oh, but you’re so young..’. It’s probably because in their eyes I look like a 15 year old. I blame my petite frame and baby face, haha. Anyway, it made me feel pretty sad and hurt that my parents weren’t excited for us. But I went on with planning the wedding with fiance regardless and believed that they would come around eventually. Thankfully they did! After getting over the fact that their first child was ‘leaving’ (It took them like 10 months, and in my opinion, they are not losing me but gaining a new addition to the family!), they are now eager to help out with planning the wedding however they can.

Post # 20
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I was 21 and my hubby was 33 when he proposed. My parents were not happy at all…all because my hubby didn’t ask my father’s permission. It put a damper on what should have been a happy time. My in-laws and my grandparents were thrilled though. They have always supported our relationship. 2 weeks later we married at the court house and now in a couple of weeks, we celebrate 10 years of marriage. We have 2 wonderful children, have owned 2 houses and 2 new cars. I say we’ve done well for ourselves 😏💑👏

Post # 21
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

SO and I have been together for 8.5 years, since I was 16 and he was 18. We went to the same college, but after graduation he began working and I went on to grad school for 3 years. We’ve known for many years that we would get married, but man, my parents would have been LIVID had I ever seriously thought about getting engaged before finishing all of my schooling. Now that I’ve graduated, am set up to begin work in the fall, and SO has built a nice cushion for himself after working for 3 years, we will be getting engaged in August. Both our families are thrilled!

Post # 22
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2000

meganbee96 :  yep I am not so young anymore I am in my mid 30’s but me and my husband got engaged when I was 17 I am sure u can imagine all the lines we got..

it will never work 

you have no idea what love is

you will end up divorced in a few years max

we got married at 18 and 20 we have been throw thick and thin together I still love my husband sooo much well most days lmao!

my mom and dad loved my husband or boyfriend at the moment they just thought we were too young.

they freely admit their mistake now and it is a huge joke!

ETA- our situation is not that normal I know quite a few people who got married young who ended up divorced.

 

Post # 23
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

Like a previous post, the first time I got engaged I was 18 to my boyfriend of 5 years who was a controlling and horribly abusive person. That lasted 6 months. My parents were not happy but I wanted the fairy tale of high school sweethearts and proving everyone wrong: glad that’s over, my friends thought it was a horrible decision rightfully 

I got engaged at 23 to my boyfriend of 3 years and we’ll be married at 25. Everyone is over the moon for us! We have our house, he has a great career, (I’ll be in school for like the next 6 years lol), we have 2 dogs and constantly travel. I’m pretty sure sometimes they like him more than me! So it is definitely differ this time around because we are in a great relationship and we are also stable enough to do this!

Post # 24
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

We got engaged just a month short of my 18th birthday and got married 10 months later – money wasn’t an issue, my husband made enough to support us both while I was studying, my parents and everyone else were over the moon but my sister.. not so much. She was just worried about “what others are going to think and say” of my parents letting me do this – forgetting the fact she was 18/19 getting engaged and married. 

Seems shallow of my sister but looking back hey, I can totally understand. Every parent has the right to be worried and even get emotional when their baby is about to make the most important decision of their lives and start a new family so young. We’re so grateful to both of our parents being this supportive but I don’t know if I can say right now I would do the same if my 18-21 year old walked in saying she’s getting married! 

Anyways, every situation is different. If two young people even somewhat mature it will show through, and if it does, then a parent and others may see there’s nothing to worry about:)

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