My engagement’s now nearly two years in my history, but I can say this: all of the media representations where family strains, stresses and bigotry fall away is almost always bullshit. Sometimes, an engagement can add fuel to those fires; other times, it has no impact. Still *other* times, people who are jealous and want those things for themselves choose to stay silent.
Most people were “meh” enough about our engagement. Most asked to see the ring, his parents took us out for a celebratory dinner that night (unprompted and very awesome of them). The *only* person who acted like a spoiled bitch was…no surprise…his sister. She lives several hundred miles away, and she and my husband are worlds apart, so thankfully they’re not super-close (I’d have dumped him years ago if that were the case — I couldn’t take it).
SIL has always been the type to give her lovely “advice” to anyone and everyone; doesn’t matter if you’re sending out obvious “shut up” vibes. She will prattle on and on. She’s also the type who is obviously jealous. Around the time we got engaged, I had lost a great deal of weight — meanwhile, she was six months pregnant. Naturally, her pregnancy dominated the conversation (I’m cool with that — a new niece! How exciting!). Then, her husband off-handedly mentioned my weight loss. What resulted was a two-minute discussion that involved SIL glowering at me from across the table the entire time. Very comfortable.
But, enough back story. I mentioned my then-recent-engagement on Facebook. While others were sending their congrats, her only response was, “Hope the wedding’s later next year so we can come.” By this point, her then-unborn baby would’ve been about a year old. I thought that giving her 4 months after the baby’s birth to recover was more than ample time. I politely explained that we were getting married in March in the same thread.
Her response was simply, “Let us know the date for this great event…that is, if we’re even invited. Haha.”
I wanted to reach through the screen and strangle a passive-aggressive bitch. I told my husband that I was willing to work on the date if there was a legitimate REASON (other than vague “so we can come…” Why can’t you come in March? Keep in mind, this was nearly a year’s notice). When he called her to discuss the problem, she just started texting with, “Whatever, it’s your wedding.”
Turns out she was concerned her husband couldn’t get time off of work. Fine, that’s legitimate (why she couldn’t say this before is beyond me). They could have made the wedding with him missing 2 days of work comfortably. Instead, he took the entire week off, then, two days before the wedding, chose to bitch and moan about how he had wasted “all of” his vacation time to make the trip.
I just rolled my eyes. You can only adjust a wedding so much for two people who live several hundred miles away. While I get that traveling with a baby can be annoying, I’d rather travel with a 3 or 4-month-old than a one-year-old. At least the younger babies tend to nap more often.
I reminded my husband that if we waited to get married in the fall, she’d likely be due with another baby (she loved talking about how she wanted her kids close together), and then we’d have to postpone the wedding AGAIN because she was within a few months of her due date or something. It’s always something with attention-seeking people.
But, OP, I’m no bigot: congratulations on your engagement. Nasty people will be nasty no matter the good in your life.