(Closed) Anybody else embarrassed about the cost of their wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I get embarassed by saying we are paying $18K for 50 people as I think people will be expecting something much grander than what we have planned… we are the first in our family and in our circle of friends to get married so no one really knows what it all costs. When we say we are spending $18K they get all excited thinking its going to be some grand event, not the rustic/country wedding we have planned. It will be a nice wedding, I am not denying that, but I know I will not deliver what people are expecting of me 🙁

Post # 18
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I am definitely embarassed to say how much we spent on our wedding. Which is why 99.9% of the time I mumble something vague about ‘what exactly is included in a wedding budget when people ask that?!’ And in all honesty, my own Darling Husband doesn’t know the exact figure. He is still in denial! lol!! 

We are also not showy people and had what we would consider a pretty average wedding for our circle. Stuff is just expensive and adds up quickly. It makes me feel really guilty to know that if we donated this money we could probably feed an entire village in Africa for a good 10 years or so Undecided

Sorry. there wasn’t much advice there, other than. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Just enjoy the moment and be sure to be grateful for everything you have. Pay it forward if you can!

Post # 19
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah.. we are running into this because I always wanted a small upscale wedding (which is the type of family I have), but of course I’m marrying a guy with a HUGE tightknit family without a lot of money… so now I’m trying to figure out how to have a guest list that fulfils his needs, but doesn’t compromise the kind of elegance that my family expects. I can’t imagine they’ll be crazy about a huge bill for a list that’s more his family than mine…but I also can’t imagine them feeling good about a low-budg type event since I’m the only daughter. I’ve been working on pricing out everything as if I could have both worlds…but that’s coming to around $100k for only 120 people! (thanks California). I don’t want to spend $100k even if I could swing it! My brother is spending around $60-70k for his 120ppl wedding this year, but it’s in North Carolina. 

Post # 20
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We’re having our wedding in NYC, so you can only imagine how much that’s costing us! We considered a destination, which ironically would cost less but wanted to share the day with our loved ones. Since both sets of our parents no longer live in our hometowns, we figure we’ll pay tribute to our city.

We’re footing most of the bill (and by that I mean we’re accepting offers from parents to pitch in, but totally don’t expect them to and if at the end of the day we have to pay for everything, we will).

When I first started to scope out the wedding, my budget was $50k and i thought that was high, then after we discovered that NYC venues are at least $6K + and catering is at least $150/head, we raised the budget ceiling. I even set my dress budget superlow and decided not to have floral decorations (only bouquets) so we can save and personalize with DIY centerpieces.

I feel bad, especially after reading this thread because like some of you mentioned, I’m not some brat who was raised with extravagant sweet 16 parties and such. My Asian frugal upbringing means I still cringe when I see people not finishing last bites on their plates and throwing food out, I never pay full retail price for clothes, and we travel on points (luckily, the Fiance is a consultant with airline miles and hotel points). When my parents ask me how much the venue, catering, photography, etc etc was costing us, I always feel the need to lie so I don’t freak them out.

So please don’t feel bad! If anything I should feel way more guilty! I guess it’s all relative and the more I read the blogs, the more I see that some of the weddings these people are throwing CANNOT be possibly reasonably budgeted (just by clicking on their vendor links and seeing that their invitation probably cost them $2000). I think as long as you spend it wisely and are sincere in putting together a celebration that everyone will enjoy, that’s all that matters!

 

Post # 21
Member
2124 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Oh girrll..don’t be embarrassed. I know a girl who just spent 120k…and after watching her wedding video, I” trying to figure out who in ht heck was walking around with 100k in their pocket! lol I think 30k Isn’t too bad…I think I’m around 15-20k…I would feel comfortable spending more if it was my own money to spend, but it’s not. It’s your day…I’m pretty sure it will be worth every penny!

Post # 22
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

When we started planning, we set our budget to 25k (without rings, honeymoon, or my attire). We’re coming in at about 24k right now, and I’m extremely happy about it.. because we’re getting our dream wedding but still coming in slightly under budget. I don’t feel embarassed in the slightest, but I do feel guilty sometimes.

Post # 23
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I told my folks that we’d keep our “vision” within whatever they could contribute (plus a little from us), and then was shocked at the generous number they came up with. And the FI’s folks have also been extremely generous. I think that sometimes they go back and forth on the fact that it’s going to be one damn day when there are plenty of other places that the money could go. But I think all the cost-cutting/DIY we’re doing helps them, and they know that I’m making it all stretch as far as possible.

One thing, though: my mom specifically asked me not to tell anyone outside the family how much we’re spending. And after one small slip with a recently-married friend before we talked about this, I agree with her 100%. No one needs to know how much or how little we’re spending on anything, unless they’re getting married themselves and want to ask discreetly for their own planning purposes later. But the average Joe doesn’t need to know anything about it.

Post # 24
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m not embarrassed, but I do feel guilty sometimes. I try not to talk about or wedding at all (I don’t talk about it with friends or BM’s whatsoever) for fear that I may seem braggy. I have two friends who are getting married this year and both of them are on super tight budgets and DIYing everything. One of the girls is even having her bridal party cook the reception food. I feel bad that we have a catereror and that our venue is one of the best in the state, BUT I have to remind myself that we worked damn hard to save for two whole years to make this happen.

I guess I can’t feel guilty about something I rightfully earned.

Post # 25
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t feel embarassed about your budget. I think people can be self concious about their budgets in any price range. I also don’t think you should worry about what your friends think. They are your friends after all and I doubt they would judge you. You said that they know you are not showy so unless you are constantly bragging about all the details that they can’t afford (which you said you are not doing) then you are fine. 

I personally have a really tiny budget (less than 5k) and if I had a friend that was spending that kind of money on her wedding I wouldn’t mind. I’d be happy that they didn’t have to worry about a lot of things I do on a tiny budget. To me what other people spend on their big days is really not my business anyway. Things cost more in different areas and a lot of people can’t DIY like I am so who would I be to judge?

Post # 26
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I probably shouldnt be posting in this but I just wanted to let you know I understand how you feel about being uneasy with all that money being spent. My parents aren’t helping us pay for our wedding though they could afford it if they wanted to. My dad decided that he would rather pay for our first home rather than the wedding which is fine with me because if my mother held the “purse strings” over my wedding, it would not at all be my vision.

@FloretteLiz:  I 2nd this opinion. It wouldnt bother me how much your parents are spending on your wedding unless you were constantly bragging about it. Fiance and I have a small budget (5-6K) considering Im going to school and he’s the only one working and we have 3 children. But I dont mind the small budget. I like to challenge myself and see if I could still get the seemingly high price quality of things without the high price tag. So far Im doing great!

Post # 27
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@FloretteLiz:  I wouldn’t feel embarassed about your budget. I think people can be self concious about their budgets in any price range. I also don’t think you should worry about what your friends think. They are your friends after all and I doubt they would judge you. You said that they know you are not showy so unless you are constantly bragging about all the details that they can’t afford (which you said you are not doing) then you are fine. This.  

@mrs-j-to-be:  I felt the same way, and our wedding budget was under $20K, and split between FI’s folks and him and I. I didn’t necessarily feel bad/guilty/embarrased about it, becaue it really did cost that much to throw a wedding in our city with 350+ guests, but our family/friends hadn’t been to a wedding like ours (city wedding vs a country wedding). I was just, I don’t know, uncomfortable discussing it with people. But really, in the end, I only talked in generalities and only gave specific numbers when specifically asked by others that were wedding planning in the area.

I decided that what’s extravagant to some can be very minimal to others, and that if people were going to make judgments about the wedding or us, that was moreso a reflection upon them than it was of us. We worked hard to get a lot for what we paid and get the best values we could, and a lot of saving and planning was done by us for a few years before. 

Post # 28
Member
6245 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

I feel a bit embarrassed when I see Bees on here that can spend MUCH less than me and still have all the things I am having at my wedding.  But then I remember that I live in MA and everything is more expensive here.  =(

Post # 29
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mrs-j-to-be:  I could of written the EXACT same post. Except for telling Fiance family. They know how much our ridiculous priced venue costs. Both his sisters have worked in the wedding industry and have done/been to weddings there. 

I feel sick to my stomach over how much all of this is costing. I have no great words of wisdom, just know that you are not alone. 

Post # 30
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

The national average is $26,000…so your budget seems to be about average nationally, not anything insane (or worth feeling indulgent about).

Honestly, for where I live, that would be considered a budget wedding. So, I just think it depends on where you live and your social circle. In the end, as long as you aren’t having a wedding you just can’t afford, there is nothing to feel bad about. And no one outside of yours and his parents should be asking detailed questions about your costs. That’s just classless.

Post # 31
Member
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I know some people will spend a lot on a wedding just because it is a big day, so I wouldn’t feel too bad!  I know I expect it to be pricey.  I know some of my friends have worked with a lot less and made it pretty, but it really depends on the area. 

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