(Closed) Anybody else embarrassed about the cost of their wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Honestly, I’m having the opposite reaction.

 

For my city (Toronto) downtown, I am planning the cheapest wedding I can while still maintaining some elegance.  That’s gonna run me about 30-40k, footed half by my parents, a quarter by his and a quarter by us.

 

I think that’s a fine number, if a bit outrageous (FLOWERS COST A LOT OH DEAR).

 

My reaction is totally ok with my budget.  My issue is with friends who have gotten or are getting married outside of our city.  Their budgets are all under 20k, so when we are talking about weddings and how much things cost etc., they hear my numbers and go “That’s ludicrous, why would you spend that much on a wedding?  you’re crazy!” and I get kind of hurt by it.

 

Keeping my head up high, though.

 

Post # 33
Member
2542 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Beaukat:  I’m also from Toronto so I know exactly what you’re talking about.

Our venue alone is costing us 20 grand. That includes our ceremony onsite, open bar and a multi course plated dinner, but still. 

Then we just started adding the naturals – florist, photographer, DJ, dress and tux, transportation and hotel, officiant, cake, guest favours, invitations and all other stationary, rings………….next thing you know our wedding is costing us 40 thousand dollars.

Very sobering, and so infuriating. It’s ridiculous! Honestly, I’m shocked when I hear that people have a budget of like 10 grand. HOW?????

:/

We aren’t doing anything ‘over the top’. That’s just for a nice, put together wedding.

No wonder it’s a billion dollar industry.

Post # 34
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I feel the exact same way.  We had orginally gone with another venue, but then the venue my parents always wanted came available and we moved it.  It’s amazing and I’m blessed…but I get a lot of the “you’re having your wedding WHERE?!!”  Our budget has almost doubled.  Most of this is because of the size of our guestlist.  My parents are fine with it but I’m not.  I’m even more worried about when FIs family gets there.  They will have a blast but they’ll see how much we did.  Like you, it’s nothing crazy but delish food and a huge guest list….and don’t forget the bar.  Oh well, I guess.  It’s going to be awesome!

Post # 35
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t worry about it…weddings are super expensive depending on the type of wedding you want.

Post # 36
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@mrs-j-to-be:  *raises hand*

Although, my Fiance and I are paying for 95% of it.  Our parents are both gifting us their respective cultural ceremonies.

Post # 37
Member
1837 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

yes, i feel guilty b/c it’s a ton of money.  it really is due to the fact that we live in a expensive area, though & not b/c we’re having a really extravagant wedding

Post # 38
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I feel reallyguilty and we are paying very every part of it ourselves. There are places i could cut….but, nope I can’t 🙂

We won’t be going into debt though…..only blowing through all of our savings, great. In my defense our wedding is one month away from our tax returns which should be about 5k combined and that will all go back into our savings. 

Yes, so guilty….

Post # 39
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t think you should feel guilty for your day to be perfect! However, I can’t believe how much some of you are spending on your weddings…Mine will probably be about 3k including dress (not honeymoon). I can’t imagine spending 30k when I could be using that on a nice new VW or a house. But to each their own. Doesn’t mean you have to feel guilty for getting what you want. Just feel GRATEFUL because not everyone gets all of that!

Post # 40
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

We are footing the wedding bill ourselves and being two full-time students, the budget isn’t huge! However, we have a lovely venue, a gorgeous (pre-owned) designer wedding dress and I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything by not having a massive budget. FI’s parents were under the impression my parents would be paying for most of it, they aren’t, but the best bit is, they are giving us money for the deposit on a house as a weddingpresent!

Maybe your parents could  have scaled back the budget for your wedding and done the same sort of thing for you? I know I will only get married once but I absolutely refuse to believe that the amount of money spent at a wedding dictates how good a day it will be. 

Post # 41
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

While planning my wedding last year, I got my mom into Say Yes to the Dress.  She was watching it one day and my dad happened to be there.  One bride said her budget was $7,000.

Dad: Huh, that’s a very reasonable budget for a wedding.

Mom: No dear, that’s just for the dress!

Dad: Surprised!!!

 

For context, I think my sister’s wedding budget 5 years ago was around $11,000, and mine was $14,000 (though we ended up closer to $18,000 thanks to some unexpected contributions from DH’s parents).  It actually ended up being split about 35%, 25%, 40%-us.

Post # 42
Member
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Don’t feel bad! My wedding cost $12-15k, and I’m a little self-conscious about that, but not because I wish I had more. I loved my wedding, and the budget was perfect for what I wanted. I just know when my friends get married, theirs will probably be much more extravagant. We have different tastes, and an extravagant wedding wasn’t part of mine. But that won’t stop mean people from saying, “Omg, this looks so much more put-together than Sweetpea’s wedding.”

Point is, having money to spend is a blessing! Not shameful. Looking down on what people with less choose to do is what’s bad, and you aren’t doing that. 

Post # 43
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I feel a bit embarrased about our wedding budget, and we’re paying for the whole thing ourselves! Our target budget is 15K and our hard line budget is 25K. But even if I manage to pull this off for 10K, that’s a ton of money. I think about what a good charity could do with that money. Or friends that are struggling to pay bills. Agh. But in the end I want a big fun wedding and I’m going to have it. The world will continue turning.

One thing I’m planning to assuage a bit of guilt is we’re going to donate all the money from the dollar dance/dash to a charity in Africa where we’re hoping to do our honeymoon.

Post # 44
Member
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I honestly think your approach on lying is OK. I know you probably don’t do this… but I hated when my rich friend (whom is having a baller wedding) asks me about my vendors. Because honestly, everytime I have to answer its all awkard for me its as if “who the hell is that?” “I’ve never heard of them” yes… well the reason you never heard of them is because they’re soo ‘cheap, and un well known, of course you wouldn’t know. So while I can understand your sensitivity… not talking wedding might be most ideal.

Post # 45
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago

I am spending about twice your budget and while I feel guilty (my parents are paying) internally and have expressed it to them, I can’t say that anyone I know really has an idea of the amount we’re spending.  I certainly don’t advertise it and no one has come out and asked point blank what the whole wedding will cost.  I suppose they can infer from certain aspects of the day, but since no one really knows, I’m not concerned about it.  

I suppose it depends on your circle of friends and family, too.  If you’re spending above and beyond all of them, I can see it being a little awkward, but if everyone around you is in a slightly similar position, a $10k difference might not be immediately noticable.

Post # 46
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

weddings are expensive so I wouldn’t feel bad, especially if you have a lot of people attending. I want to keep mine as cheap as possible and it seems mine may not be that pricy but me and my boyfriend have joked about having a price to attend etc, lol.

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