Anybody else frustrated with the place their children will hold in the family?

posted 2 years ago in TTC
  • poll: Do you care about providing the first?
    Our kid/s do have a special "first" status and Im glad, Id be bothered if not : (3 votes)
    2 %
    Our kid/s do have a special "first" status but I dont think id care if not : (21 votes)
    13 %
    Dont have kids yet but I hope to have one of the "firsts" : (4 votes)
    2 %
    Dont have kids yet and I dont care if theyre special to the extended fam, theyll be special to me : (37 votes)
    22 %
    Who cares about extended family dynamics : (101 votes)
    61 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    7778 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Wow, you would really hate me. Because of a large age gap with my kids I have the oldest AND the youngest grandchild in my husband’s family. So my kids are the most special and they win! Except for my middle child- she’s just stuck in oblivion where no one pays any attention to her. Just kidding obviously. But dang girl- you have some wacky ideas!

    Post # 47
    Member
    1000 posts
    Bumble bee

    How is this a real post?!?!

    All the “first babies” in my family ended up disappointing deadbeats anyways, so much for “special” status. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    12127 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    By The Way your poll has no place for “Our kid/s do have “special” first status but I KNOW I would not care if they did not. 

    Or “Our kids do not have “first” status but I don’t think in these terms or believe it is relevant. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    652 posts
    Busy bee

    calliekalico2 :  If I was you, I’d be more concerned that a future child would inherit your need to create drama out of every imaginable thing, but you do you.  

    Post # 50
    Member
    6447 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    This never even occurred to me when we decided to have children. Never. Is this really a thing people are concerned about? How about YOU wanting/loving/thinking your child is special? I never noticed any sort of “special” dynamic in either my own family growing up or in the family Darling Husband and I have created. No.One. Cares.

    Post # 51
    Member
    7813 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    calliekalico2 :  I’ve seen you on the ttc forums lately and really hope you get your sticky bean soon. When fears like this get you down, just think about how much you want that baby. Nothing else matters but a healthy baby right? 

    tillymac :  “I think if we were having the second grandchild, it wouldn’t be as special. But it’s still special”

    Are you joking?

    Post # 52
    Member
    680 posts
    Busy bee

    Wow. People are so judgy on here. To be fair, when I first found out my SIL was pregnant I was heartbroken our kid wouldn’t be the first grandbaby on my DH’s side. It’s a silly thing but I really wanted to be the one to make everyone grandparents for the first time. Also, there is the whole first time excitement is really something I wanted to experience with them. My Darling Husband talked me off the ledge though and explained that it really didn’t matter. Even though is seemed like it really did at the time. Now we are just excited to be a first time aunt and uncle 🙂 

    Post # 53
    Member
    5564 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2017

    TiggersMitts :  

    My inlaws are expecting their fifth grandchild and they are excited.

    I don’t think this is anything to worry about. It doesn’t matter if your baby will be first or fifth, the baby will be loved. And the love you shower your child with will make up for any favoritism or comparisons or any other issue like that later down the line, if it even happens at all. 

    You will love your child enough for the world 🙂

    Post # 54
    Member
    680 posts
    Busy bee

    Sansa85 :  It’s so true. It really doesn’t matter.

    My issues stemmed from my Mother-In-Law mentioning more than a few times that the first grandchild would be the one to get all the heirlooms and the second children would get nothing. It is what it is though. If that’s what she chooses to do then we can’t stop her. 

    Post # 55
    Member
    2460 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’m the first grandchild on both sides of the family and it literally means nothing other then I am alot older then all of my other cousins. 

    I really wouldn’t worry about it or be concerned with it. Such a silly thing to be concerned about. You don’t need to add extra stress to this time in your lives. 

    Post # 56
    Member
    5564 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2017

    TiggersMitts :  

    That’s pretty awful. You can’t stop her but you can shelter your child from it in a way so that your child doesn’t know he or she is being left out.

    That’s my goal with my SIL competing is to not let it bother me and to love my daughter enough and surround her with enough good people that she won’t realize that she’s being compared.

    Post # 57
    Member
    680 posts
    Busy bee

    Sansa85 :  I want to shelter but I also want to give enough breathing room for my Mother-In-Law to make her own choices and see the effects it has on her relationship with her grandchildren. Favoritism isn’t cool.

    I’m sure Darling Husband and I will love any future children enough that they will know how incredibly loved and wanted they are. 

    Post # 58
    Member
    254 posts
    Helper bee

    OP is getting a lot of hate, but I can kinda understand where she is coming from. I will likely have the first grandkid on both mine and DH’s side, and I kinda like the thought of that (I think this is a little bit of petty sibling rivalry showing through lol) It’s not that the “first” is more special or more loved, but people are more typically excited about the first, because…well it’s the first time they are experiencing something. But I really think that excitement only applies during pregnancy and when they are very young. If my parents treated one grandkid better than the other simply based on birth order, I would be limiting the amount of they spent with their grandkids. 

    Post # 59
    Member
    104 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    You guys are kidding….Is this really a thing? 

    In other news, both our sides would be lucky to see grandchildren at all! 😂

    Post # 60
    Member
    198 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    …is this seriously a thing that people worry about?

    Leave a comment


    Find Amazing Vendors