(Closed) Anybody elses wedding hard on for Waiting friends or family?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

One of my Bridesmaid or Best Man wanted desperately to get engaged/married to her Boyfriend or Best Friend (a GM) and he wanted desperately for her to stop saying that… she would ask me about what I had planned for the wedding just to launch into her wedding plans for when he finally asks her, because they’re “soul mates” (that break up every other week) :/

Post # 4
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I had a couple of people make passing comments about how they wanted to get engaged now etc, but most of them had been together for way less time than we had/were a lot younger/ended up getting engaged not long after us.  So I didn’t feel so bad!

Post # 5
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh man – the Girlfriend of one of my best friends desperately, desperately wants him to propose. I don’t know her too well, but she gets this really pained expression on her face when we talk about our wedding. I feel bad for her, and it’s made more complicated by the fact that my friend really isn’t sure he wants to spend his life with her. She moved to another city to be with him, and… yeah. It makes things uncomfortable. 

Post # 7
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

Well, like I posted a couple of days ago, now that my bf is planning to propose and is openly talking about saving for the ring, etc. I can forsee that his brother’s gf MAY have some feelings surrounding it. This is difficult for me because (1) she is a super, super cool girl. I loves her and (2) I KNOW first hand what it is like to be the girl who wants to get hitched/who wants to move forward when the guy was unwilling. Before my bf, I dated my share of commitment phobic men. I know firsthand that no matter how wonderfully fabulous the woman is, some men just drag their feet for whatever reason. *smh*

Post # 8
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My older sister, also one of my MOHs, has been in a relationship longer than me (6+ years) and I know this is so hard on her. I try to be really sensitive about it around her, but I also want her to be involved. I don’t want either of us to miss out on this experience, and I also want to be able to give the same back to her when it is her turn, but I do know it is not easy on her.

I have been there. I know how much it SUCKS to be waiting, and I really do feel for her. I will be totally sensitive about it, but at the same time I am going to enjoy my day and just hope that for one day she can try to let go a little bit, as difficult as it may be. I don’t want to look back on that day for the rest of my life and think of my sister, one of my best friends, being unhappy, especially knowing that her turn is sure to be really soon. If she is not engaged by the wedding then you better bet that the day after ours is over I will be 110% rooting her on

Post # 9
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t feel bad. It’s your turn, and it’s great that they are being supportive and it’s great you are sensitive to their concerns. But I wouldn’t feel bad about it. It sucks that they are waiting. I think some ladies sometimes forget that the wedding is not about them or the current state of their relationships, it’s about yours. And when it’s their turn the moment will be about them. I get that this situation can be hard for some, but it shouldn’t mean the bride and groom should have to pretend their wedding doesn’t exist for the sake of their comfort. I hope this didn’t come off as harsh. I’ve just had some friends that got extra sensitive when someone else got married and it’s not fair to the lady who just finished waiting and is finally getting married to be held back from being completely happy because her friends are a little bitter. Just my 2 cents. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Mine isn’t that I know of. But I would hope someone close to me would be happy for me as I would be when it is their turn. Unfortunately I see this type of thing a lot though— especially when I was TTCing my son. Instead of being happy for others, some times people wallow in their own sadness of not being able to have what someone else has. It is a normal human reaction but I wish that as women, we didn’t go through that so much. People shouldn’t have to feel guilty about getting engaged, getting married or having a baby when someone else close to them hasn’t gotten their yet.

Post # 11
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

I have a few waiting friends whose bf’s are actively saving, so it’s not so bad around them.  But I have another who desperately wants to marry her bf, but is scared to talk to him about it (after multiple years together).  From my point of view, I’ll be surprised if he ever commits to her.  I feel bad talking about it in front of her.

None of these friends are negative toward me, I just feel guilty talking about it.

Post # 12
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My cousin is getting married this fall, and I’m in her wedding party.  Honestly, I would be insulted if she avoided talking to me about it because she was afraid to hurt my feelings.  I’m perfectly capable of being happy for her.  She found the perfect man for herself and I’m thrilled for her!  Her getting married doesn’t make it any less likely that I’ll get married, so why would I be upset?

Post # 13
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I have a friend who is not only desperately waiting to get married, but she’s not even dating anyone right now. She’s constantly saying that she’s going to be single forever, and she goes on one bad first date after another. I try to be more sensitive about what I say about the wedding. I was there once too.

Post # 14
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

YES! I can completely sympathize with this.  My Maid/Matron of Honor has been with her SO longer than I have been with Fiance and she had a hard time when I got engaged.  Lucky we are having a long engagement (18 mos.) and she had a hard time for the first 10 months or so but now things are getting better.  I tried to be *very* sensitive through the whole thing and not talk about my wedding.  Some of my friends said that was crazy but I think I did the right thing.  I never wanted her to feel like I was rubbing it in her face.  Like I said, things are MUCH better now and we are pretty much back on track.  I think it just takes some time, but it is such a hard thing.

Post # 15
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

 can tell you firsthand how hard it is on some people. Fiance and I were together 6 years befre he proposed. It got to be really hard going to weddings at the 4 year mark. Especially when some of the friends or family getting married were together less time than us.

One of our friends wedding that we attended was a couple WE HAD A HAND IN GETTING THEM TOGETHER! I was so happy for them, but inside i was so angry with my now Fiance.

I never told him my feelings…it was always something i only told my close girlfriends.

I can sympathize with some of these girls…..but think pressuring someone into marriage is a mistake.

 

Post # 16
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I have friends on both sides. I asked my best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and she was thrilled at first. But it got to the point where she couldn’t handle that I was getting married before her and told me she was jealous. She ended up becoming very negative and backed out of not only the wedding but my life. I was really hurt. However I have another waiting friend who loves to talk about the wedding with me and doesnt mind that I’m engaged. It’s hard sometimes.

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