(Closed) Anybody end a friendship after the wedding?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Yeahhh I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man put her hands on me while she was belligerent one night a few months after the wedding. Oh and then she blamed me. It’s just not worth it to keep people in your life who aren’t enriching it. Sometimes excising those tumors is the best thing you can do!

Post # 3
Member
382 posts
Helper bee

I did. But in my case, I was the one who cut it off (didn’t contact her anymore, would reply with short answers, etc.). She wasn’t exactly a bridesmaid, as I didn’t had bridesmaids, but she was one of the only two friends who were able to come to my wedding (I don’t have many close friendships, and the other girls I had invited couldn’t travel because of money and/or work). 

The reason I decided to cut ties with her was the way she treated our friendship. First, when I invited her four months before my wedding (we had a short engagement) she said of course she would attend; but then two months prior she said she couldn’t because she had another thing to do. I asked her if she could postpone it, as I really wanted her, and she said she would try but didn’t know. I understood that she might had something more important. I later found out from another friend that the reason she was doubting coming to my wedding was because her lover (as in, the MARRIED man she had been on and off for the last three years) had invited her (as in, he only mentioned it would be nice) to accompany him to a trip out of the city without his wife. This lover lives in my city, so she was thinking of not going to my wedding because she was planning on taking the week before off to go with her lover (and she couldn’t afford two weeks off work -she also lives out of state).

In the end, she did go to my wedding but left right after the ceremony because, and as my other friend told me (and she later confessed), she had received an invitation via cell phone text message to a dinner with her lover, his wife (did I mentioned she is also friends with his wife?) and some other friends of them. I later found out the couples’ friends were making fun of her during the dinner and she felt really uncomfortable -which I think she totally deserved. So I was left with only ONE friend by my side during my wedding. What is worst, this friend got 100% drunk (she passed out on our venue) and since I had no one to help me I was forced to leave my own party to take her to my home (because I had no idea where she had recently moved -she moved that same day and didn’t tell me the new address). 

I guess I learned the hard way that this lover friend was not worth having. So I decided to cut ties with her, because I couldn’t believe that she had abandoned me on my wedding day for the guy I had heard her complain about for the last three years. 

Post # 6
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2017

daniellemc:  I’m not married yet, but on a general note it is really hard to maintain friendships the older you get. Especially, when the important things that bonded you are not that important anymore. However, some people feel like weddings show how important/unimportant they are in the bride’s life. Crazy? Yes. But some people just don’t like change.

Post # 7
Member
4037 posts
Honey bee

I don’t remember about my wedding – almost 40 years ago, but I know we did distance ourselves, from some guests who had been invited to our daughters’ wedding.

For example: 1. One couple gave an extremely lame excuse. The man has been my husband’s good friend, for over 30 years and is his business partner. The groom also worked with him, in a small company. I don’t even e-mail them a holiday letter, anymore.2. My Brother-In-Law and his wife were the only 2, of 250 guests, who didn’t have the courtesy to RSVP. The aunt saw my daughter/the bride, the following year, and lied to her about it – twice. I said “They’re dead to me!” 3. At my other daughter’s weding, I learned what a bully/how verbally abusive her Father-In-Law was. They didn’t contribute 1 cent, to the costs, but he wanted to have control/dictate things. I don’t care if I ever see his face again.

Post # 8
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Muhlhauser Barn

same deal with my 1st wedding. everything was great between us  (friends since high school) and then the day of the wedding she became super weird…telling all the other BMs that SHE was closest to me and we had this relationship that THEY will never understand blah blah blah but then turn around and call me a bridezilla the day of my wedding when my other BMs swear i was FAR from being one.

A few months after i got married she just stopped talking to me. stopped coming around, wouldn’t answer my texts.  Its been almost 4 years since I have spoken to her and still dont know why she stopped talking to me.  I have heard rumors that she is telling ppl that i stopped hanging out with her and was up my ex husbands @ss all the time — but at that time we were married and super busy with things! I tried to call, text and email an apology to her for whatever it was that i did wrong and she never replied.

You aren’t alone. We are here for you!

Post # 9
Member
356 posts
Helper bee

I’m very sorry you had to do that.  I know how hard it is to let go of a friend you had for a lifetime. I also had to end a friendship with one of my BM’s that I had known for 20 years. It didn’t happen right after the wedding but about a year and a half later after I gave birth to my daughter. She just stopped being there for me, stopped being happy to me, and was talking about me behind my back all the time and I found out.  I confronted her about it, hoping to save our friendship, and all she did was lie so that was it for me.  It was obvious she did not care about me anymore, so sadly, I had to cut off future ties with her and to be honest, it’s been nice.  I don’t need the drama.

Post # 10
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Yeah 🙁 this girl had been one of my BFFs for years.  She got engaged several months after me, was getting married in a rush so her wedding was going to be before mine, and I tried hard to be supportive of her and share ideas, go to bridal shows together, etc.  Then things started to get a little weird–she started saving all my ideas and would tell me she was going with them (and I know it’s silly but the copying thing did kind of bum me out, but I let it go–imitation is sincere flattery, right?!).  Then we had a fun excursion day planned to have most of the BMs along and try on some dresses together.  She brought her mom.  Then they left our group after she’d tried a dress or two, so she could go shopping for HER wedding dress in the same store.  We’d had our appointment, but apparently she called to set up a dress appointment about a half hour later.  That was weird to me, too, but I didn’t really care.  I was just disappointed she wasn’t hanging out with us and hadn’t given me a heads up, but I’m pretty relaxed and nice, so I didn’t think too much of it–I get trying to be efficient.  

Then she suddenly couldn’t get off work for the bachelorette party and when she did, she didn’t feel up to showing up where we were hanging out and having dessert.  Also, we had a craft day or two for some of the wedding DIY stuff.  And she’d say she’d definitely be there, but then not show.  I don’t know.  Like nothing was the end of the world itself, but she ended up calling off her engagement and so I figure that was a hard time for her, too.  Some of the things she’d comment or say were kind of hurtful–plus never showing up for anything–it just wasn’t like her really and I never dreamed it was malicious.

A few months after the wedding we moved; and she sent an apology text about how awful she’d been over that previous year and specifically commented on making things about her and her wedding, and how awful it was for her to purposefully not go to my bachelorette party because she was jealous, etc.  I honestly hadn’t realized it had all been so intentional.  I thought it was just thoughtless or a bit selfish at times, or she was happy in her own world at first, and then when it fell apart she was having hard times, whatever the reason was.  Unfortunately, something about finding out she acted that way intentionally just kind of ruined our friendship.  We’re still friendly and text to check in now and then.  But I wouldn’t say we’re really truly friends anymore.  I guess it’s sort of a trust thing?  I don’t know why I didn’t care too much before until I found out it was so purposeful and now it really bothers me?  Maybe it will get better.  But it definitely does stink to realize that a negative effect of my wedding was to lose someone who really was a good friend to me for a long time.

Post # 11
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

daniellemc:  I am not married yet, I’ll be getting married in July. But yes, I can say this for sure. There are ALOT of people that I will not be talking to after my wedding. You learn who’s actually happy for you; who’s not and who’s just pretending to be happy for you. For example, I cut my cousin and my aunt out of my life due to drama; kicked her out of the wedding. (There was other things from the past too, but her trying to mess with my day helped me cut ties) The best man realized his friend is actually going through with this marriage and woke up and realized he hates me, needless to say I won’t be milking that forced friendship afterwards. & there are some “friends” who will be deleted off social media afterwards. Not everyone is happy for you and that’s fine, but I refuse to have negative people around me. Don’t feel bad, you did the right thing. She sounds like a real heartless B***.

Post # 12
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

First off, I’m sorry about what happened to you with your “friend”.  You don’t need people that make me feel bad in your life.  I didn’t exactly lose a friend, but I’m pretty distant from one of my BMs now.  We were really close, leading up to my engagement, but I think she started changing after I got engaged.  We lived 4 blocks from each other, and she kept on saying she wanted to hang out after my engagement, but flaked on me four times, one time her excuse was because she forgot we were supposed to hang out and had an internet date and couldn’t cancel the date?  I didn’t see her for 4 months after my engagement.  Then my dad got diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer 3 months after my engagement.  I told her, she gave me five minutes of her time and promptly forgot that I told her that he had cancer and never checked in with me about him for the seven months.   I had her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, which she was supposed to get from me, but didn’t for 3 months, because she kept on forgetting, so finally I hand delivered it to her 3 weeks before my wedding.  She attended my bachelorette party, but did not participate in any of the activities that my other Bridesmaid or Best Man planned, claiming that she had work that weekend, but we would find her taking naps or lounging thorough the resort were staying at.  I confided to my BMs about a lot of the drama that was happening with my family during my wedding planning and how hard it was to deal with my dad’s sickness at the same time, all of my BMs were extremely sympathetic, except for her.  She just told me to get over it.  Then she wanted to wear another Bridesmaid or Best Man dress 4 days before my wedding, and I had to tell her that she couldn’t.  After the wedding, I met up with her a couple of times, but I didn’t enjoy any of our encounters.  She kept on gushing about wonderful her other friend’s wedding was (less than a month after mine) and told me every single detail while never saying anything about my wedding (petty, I know, but I was already not too happy with her).  She was talking about herself a lot and finally asked me how things were, so I told her they were good, but how I wished sometimes Darling Husband could be in my shoes sometimes to know how tiring it was to have a long commute, work the whole day, and have to come and do chores, she told me that I was being annoying and she was annoyed at me.  Okay?  She has been randomly texting me to see if I want to meet up, but I have been largely ignoring her texts since our last encounter in October.  P.S., my posting doesn’t have paragraphs either.          

Post # 13
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My Bridesmaid or Best Man that was a college friend.. On the day of the wedding, she was the one who took the longest with hair and makeup. I lost an hour with our photographer because she was still getting ready! She didn’t even once help out, but everyone around was being helpful. She sat there.. snacked and stayed to herself.

I became pregnant soon after the wedding and she hasn’t asked how mom to be is or the baby… she’s a NURSE! You would think she would be compassionate

By The Way, I paid for hair, make up, dress, and the hotel stay the night before. You would think she would be a little nice!

Post # 14
Member
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

daniellemc:  yes! Its unfortunate, but I learned what her true colors were. If its not about her, she wants no part of it.

And like your (ex) friend, she was genuinley happy for me, or so I thought. She started to pull away and said some really mean things throughout the wedding plannig and that I completely disregarded bc I thought “maybe she is just stressed out with school and she is taking it out on me,”

The one thing that really stuck out to me was when I was venting to her about my sister not wanting to go dress shopping for bridesmaids dresses and she responded saying “well no one is excited to be a bridesmaid,” —ummm what?! I would be over the moon if someone asked me to be a bridesmaid! I think its such an honor and so much fun, expensive, but its so worth it.

She was the first person I called when I landed back from my honeymoon, and we met up the night I got back, she was so distant. I called her and called her and would either get no response or one word answers.

Finally almost a year after the wedding we had a big falling out. SHe told me that she didn’t want to be around me because I was so happy and she couldn’t be happy for me because she wasn’t happy with her life, she didn’t want to hear what was going on in my life. She also said she didn’t like some of the decisions I made which I thought was a bunch a crap, she was deflecting what the real reason was (which was her not being happy for me).

After that, I saw her two more times, we met up for dinner because I wanted to tell her I was expecting, and she was like “yea your mom told me,” — I was annoyed my mom had spilled the beans after I told her not to tell anyone, there were people I was waiting to see in person, but she didn’t even say congrats. So that was awkward. My baby shower was even more awkward because she came and we hadn’t spoken once throughout my pregnancy. Its almost a whole year that we haven’t spoke. ANd I highly doubt we ever will again because I have since changed my number and moved.

Am I sad? Yes, I miss the good times we had. I miss the person, the friend that I thought she was. But I don’t miss her because I know the real person that she is and thats not someone I want in my life. She was a very negative person, and I always brushed it off because, well she was my friend and I thought, she wouldn’t ever treat me the way she treats other and sure enough, she did. SHe is going to be very lonely in life and for that, i feel sorry for her.

Post # 15
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Holy crap! As I started reading, I literally thought I wrote this myself!! yes I also lost a friend.

She was my BFF since the 9th grade. I asked her to be my co Maid/Matron of Honor with my older sis. She seemed excited But then she’d never respond to my sisters texts/calls, blew my sis off when my sis even left work early so that they could talk at a previously scheduled time, BFF was always too busy!!! But Facebook posts were constant! She always seemed to have time for Facebook! Never returned my calls/texts. FINALLY I got her on the phone (she lives 3 hrs away so I could not do this in person. I never saw her, even when she would come up and visit other people) and I had her step down to a Bridesmaid or Best Man (mutual desicion).

She showed to bridal party but didn’t contribute so my sister was stuck paying her portion. She even texted my sis asking her address again and still my sis never received any money  

She showed to bachelorette party but left as sooooooooon as we woke up the next day. Missed out on spending time with us girls for the day after. AND we were in her neck of the woods!!! And she did not pay for the entertainment the night before, so my sis in law was stuck paying her portion.

wedding day she kept being MIA, leaving every 5 minutes. Everyone thought she was on drugs, she stressed me out throughout all of wedding planning, I never had my BFF’s ear to vent or cry to, she lied about dumb stuff and big stuff, never sent in her RSVP card so I had to reach out to her to get her and her fiance’s dinner choice, then day of wedding, her fiancé was sick (What she told me) but told other people a different story. Hubby and I had to foot the bill for his plate, no apology, lied about everything big and small, no congratulatory card (she was the ONLY one)  no gift, slept with groomsman then lied about it and also bad mouthed the guy the next day. 

 

Then she stopped reaching out to me and I was already done trying, so I just didn’t bother reaching out to her either. i noticed a few months ago that she deleted hubby from Facebook, blocked my sis in law, and deleted all wedding related people and hubby’s side of the family. So I deleted her and I haven’t looked back. (it still stings though)..

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