Post # 16
Weddings are very emotional times and bring out the best (and worst) in everyone. I got married last April and since then I have not felt as close to my 2 MOHs, and we’ve been friends since kindergarten. I am now pregnant and feel like that has distanced us even further, which is unfortunate, but as we get older and our lives change, sometimes we drift apart. Is/was your friend married at the time of your wedding? Maybe she felt like she was being left behind. Regardless, it stinks, but is a part of life.
Post # 17
daniellemc: I did but it wasn’t purposely. We just didn’t see each other much after the wedding and the friendship just sort of natually fell away.
Post # 18
daniellemc: Well you obviously have the right opinion. Your ‘friend’ sounds like my friend/BM that I lost too – unresponsive, rude, cold, didn’t sign our guest book, didn’t give us a card or wedding gift, late to rehearsal dinner and left early with poor excuses, made ridiculously obtuse comments on many occasions and so on and so on…only thing is my situation was reversed and ‘said friend’ was the one that cut me off as soon as the wedding was done and we haven’t spoken now in 4 years.
annoyingly insensitive or slow to understand
For Real Example: My sister reaches out to her to talk about my bridal shower, goes over a bunch of fun things and is excited. Bridesmaid or Best Man has known my sister and my family for 20 years, mine is the only wedding she is in at the moment. Bridesmaid or Best Man response? “I’m sorry, who is this?”
It hurts because I lost my deepest and most important friendship. However, I’ve come to realize now after thinking about it for years, that she was just being a b*tch. I mean really, there isn’t anything more sophisticated to say about it.
Post # 19
daniellemc: I had two (what I thought were) good friends as bridesmaids in my wedding. I have since distanced myself from both of them because of how they were during the whole process. We worked together for years, hung out outside of work quite a bit, would talk almost daily, spent birthdays together, etc. I asked them to be bridesmaids and they both were very excited!
Come to find out during the wedding planning, they were talking crap about me- about having an expensive dress, about having my parents pay for the wedding, and about me in general (thinking I had things just handed to me on a silver platter- I am far from spoiled). It made me sad to hear, but once I found out about it all, I was too far vested in the process to have to replace or nix two of my bridesmaids.
After the wedding, I still had to work with both of them, but the friendliness subsided (on my part, just distanced myself), I started to pull away from getting together with them. It was never brought up or questioned as to why, I hope figured it out but it wasn’t worth a fight to bring it up.
I still am aquaintances with both of them, but one lives out of country and the other is a stay at home mom who I see sometimes at get togethers with mutual friends.
I don’t regret giving up on the friendships, I just wish I had known their true colors before I had chosen them to be apart of my wedding day.
Post # 20
I re-evaluated mine with one of my oldest friends. She has always been the one to attract drama, and I was the one with the “perfect” life. The last 6 months before the wedding she had me on edge about her attendance, I didn’t hear from her up until the day before the wedding during the rehearsal when she walked into the venue. Demanded to have her own room at the hotel, and wanted me to pay for it (I was already paying for a suite and another room based on the Bridesmaid or Best Man who actually showed up on time). the night before the wedding, she asked me to come pick her up from her parents’ house because no one could bring her to the hotel (my cousin lost it on her at that point).
My other bridesmaids were very upset at her more than I was. I was mostly dissapointed and re-evaluated the terms of our friendship, I know not to rely on her and I’m tired of apologizing for my so-called perfect life. We actually spoke yesterday for the first time in 5 months.
Post # 21
yep, one of my best friends from high school. She was a part of my college group too and she was one of 3 friends I asked to be bridesmaids. She and my Maid/Matron of Honor threw my batchelorette and got so drunk she made a scene in the middle of the street and I had to go drag her out of a hot dog restaurant where she was hiding from my Maid/Matron of Honor. The weekend was more about her and how lazy she was (we couldn’t go to brunch which was the only thing I asked to do becuase she was hungover and wanted to sleep, lots of stuff like that). There was no effort put in and I just got a sense of how little she cared.
She was also a total pain at the wedding, brought another friend of ours from high school that I hadn’t spoken to in years instead of her long time boyfriend becuase they broke up and she wanted to help with hotel costs (they stayed at a sleazy cheap hotel and split it with another guest at the wedding!) She tried to bring this friend to everything including the rehearsal dinner and getting ready the morning of. She was too lazy/cheap to buy the shoes I picked out (only $30) so she got a pair for $15 and tried to spray paint them the right color which obviously didn’t work. There was just a lot of disrespect and lack of interest in me or the wedding in general. We live in different cities now and I just haven’t reached out to her since the wedding. Every few months she text me if she comes accross an old funny picture but I have no interest in putting effort into maintaining a friendship with someone who is so childish, immature and ruins everything we do together by not knowing her limits and drinking way too much.
Post # 22
I did. One of my bridesmaid went off the deep end into crazytown and ended up sending these passive-aggressive emails about how terrible I am. We had an argument and worked things out, and I mentioned to a mutual friend that she and I had talked and were good, and she became furious at me for “talking about her behind her back” by telling that mutual friend that we had talked. I can’t deal with drama like hers. I found out later she was drinking heavily on anti-psych meds, so that explained a lot of her actions, but I’ve moved on from the friendship and her toxicity. After thinking about it, I realized that the limited value her friendship provided wasn’t worth the stress, headaches, and frustration that came with her.
Post # 23
I asked my girls to wear any long black dress they wanted. One told me the night before the wedding she didn’t have a long black dress to wear so she’d wear a short one instead, and paired it with brown shoes. I couldn’t care less. Two years later and she’s now a godmother to one of my children.
The bridesmaid that ticked me off a bit was the one who commented disparaging about the short dress and brown shoes. She doesn’t get that the girl isn’t malicious, she just didn’t understand that it mattered. That’s her. I look at the wedding photos with those brown shoes sticking out like crazy and smile, cuz that’s my girl. I still defend her to my other Bridesmaid or Best Man from time to time, no joke, she brings it up. I love her too, she thinks she’s defending me I think. I can’t convince her I don’t care.
I think there are some women who really do become assholes around a wedding and some who just don’t get it. I feel bad for that second group, they’re probably losing friends left and right with no understanding as to why.
Post # 24
I haven’t had any friends do the kind of stuff everyone’s describing, but I do think your late 20/30s and weddings do a great job of separating the wheat from the chaff as far as friends go.
I know personally, I just don’t have time for as many friends as I did in my early twenties. Having that many friends meant I was unintentionally diminishing the depth of the relationships that were most important to me. I also don’t have an interest in being out on the town very much anymore. Some particularly catty women will say I don’t make time for my female friendships because I’m engaged, when the reality is other activities take up huge buckets of my time too: work, health, family (which now includes his), and simply relaxing and having some time to myself. Some get this and some don’t. I’m choosing to invest in a smaller, great group of women.
As other posters said, sometimes its important to know when a friendship has run its course and be willing to move on.
Post # 25
Realizing when a friendship has run it’s course and moving on..that’s a great way to look at it. Bc my BFF that upset me so much throughout the wedding planning process really was a terrible friend way before that. I hadn’t realized that until after the wedding was over and I re-evaluated the friendship/looked back. I realized that just because we had a history did not mean that she had to be in my future.
Post # 26
- Wedding: February 2018 - Disney\'s Grand Floridian Resort & Spa
MrsDerushie16: I second this!
Not married yet, but when I recently got engaged I really learned who actually cares about my happiness and who doesn’t. Someone who I considered my closest friend gave me the fakest “wowwww congratulations” when I told her while girls who I had terrible fall outs with back in high school actually went out of their way to send me heartfelt congratulatory messages. Some family members cared more about immediately knowing the wedding date so they could plan their vacations around it while other family members graciously asked questions about the proposal. It’s a weird feeling but I’m finding that it’s usually the people you didn’t expect who end up being the happiest for you. I mean I totally understand that people have a lot going on in their own lives but I would still at least make an EFFORT to be happy and excited for the people I truly care about.
Post # 27
- Wedding: October 2017 - Insignia Steakhouse
daniellemc: I ended a friendship before the wedding because I had a friend (a best friend I thought) start acting weird. When I told her I was going ring shopping with my now fiancé, she wasn’t even happy. I think she was mad we started looking before her. The following weekend she was looking with her now fiancé. Whenever I told her about the wedding she put mine down.
Example: I told her I got a great deal on a photobooth and she said she wouldnt have one because it’s going to ruin my wedding and no one will pay attention to me and everyone will only want to take pictures and not be a part of the actual wedding.
You’re better off. You dont need that negativity in your life. You’ll make more friends in life that are your fans and not your enemy.
I’m sorry about your grandmother. ❤️❤️
Post # 28
ucsadie: I had this with my childhood best friend, she cut me out 6 years ago when I gave birth and refused to leave my fiance and move in with her, she even tried to set up custody courtcases and child support stuff in my name behind my back… well, who would of guessed it but it turned out she was jelous because she is a lesbian who was apparently ‘in love’ with me
2 years after she cut me out of her life when she suddenly announced she was engaged to a girl and thats the first I heard of any of it (saw the public announcements) then others filled me in on some details
its a shame, it was a long friendship thats now completely gone and she has never in person explained anything just radio silence but ive been happily with fiance for 8 years and wouldnt change that or my family for anything and she seems happy now from what ive seen too (even adopted a child) so I guess life work out for everyone in the end