(Closed) Anybody ever call it all off? (kinda long)

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Did he explain why he was so hesitant?

Post # 4
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I can only give you my view of a daughter who’s father has been married a few times before and pushed back the wedding to my step mother. My dad doesn’t really have an interest in anything besides his work and when it comes to some event he pretty much wants to be told what to wear and what time to show up.My step mom took this as he wasn’t interested in the wedding planning BUT at the same time they had a lot of stress happening, my dad was working more often and acting distant. They pushed the wedding back and my step mom was heartbroken at the time. They pushed it back a year, explained to the families and in the end it was for the BETTER. She was worried her family would think things were falling apart but when she explained they had some outside stresses going on and to properly plan the wedding they wanted they needed the extra time, and everyone was fine with it.

 

 

 

Take a deep breath and relax. I have no idea what type of wedding you were planning but I’m sure trying to plan a wedding/dress shopping/venue/menus/invites ect… 6 months before it’s supposed to happen is stressful enough.

Post # 7
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I hate to say it’s a typical man thing because not all guys are the same but he really sounds like my dad. He could really care less about anything, even now when I’m planning my own wedding all I get is “When do I pick up my tux, what time are the pictures, and make sure they have beer.”

 

I would take this as a good sign that now he won’t feel so pressured to give you everything you want in such short time span. Men really want to give their women the world and I’m sure he wants to give you the wedding you want and doesn’t want to let you down. Sending good positive thoughts you way!!!Laughing

Post # 9
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Hang in there, Shesaidyes! And great advice, @TMB47.  I don’t know him, so it’s impossible for me to know for sure – but I think if he proposed to you without a ton of pressure on your side, he wants to marry you! Heck, even if you did give him some pressure, the man has been with you for 8 years! Sometimes things are rough in far less time, but you have endured and you still love each other to the point you were just engaged! You’ve built your business together and are hanging in there – you know him and love him enough to offer to postpone and he loves you enough to tell you what he needs and then to apologize because he knows you are probably hurting. I would try to continue the open lines of communication and just ask him for reassurance that he still wants the wedding, but taking it slowly . . . maybe try to come up with the date for next year, and ask him to be hoenst with you if he does’t think that’s a good idea. If you guys can choose a later time or even a general month/season, you can plan things over time and maybe he won’t be overwhelmed with it all at once.

One thing I wondered – you said not this fall and maybe ever – what made you think the maybe ever part? Anyway – hopefully you guys are able to work this out – I believe you can and will!

Hang in there – it sounds like you two really love each other and care deeply about one another.

Post # 11
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Good luck!! And he took the plunge! That means he loves you enough that he did it FOR YOU! 🙂  

Post # 12
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My cousin married for the first time at 43 to a man who had previously been married but was windowed.  He proposed and when it came time for the wedding planning he had zero interest in it.  He pretty much told my cousin he wasn’t interested in doing another wedding, he just assumed they would elope and that would be that.  He didn’t take into account that even though he had previously had a formal wedding, my cousin hadn’t.  From what I understand it was a lot of fighting and arguing, till eventually they had to agree that this wedding was more important to her than it was to him.  She decided to plan it with his input only on the big decisions like the venue, everything else she did on her own.  Maybe you can compromise on a smaller more intimate wedding, agree on a budget and you can make the smaller decisions on your own or with a wedding planner.

 

My SO and I were originally planning on getting married last fall, we had told everyone that that was what we were planning but fiancially we had to push it back and now it’s looking like May or September 2014.

Post # 14
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Does he want to marry you, but not really care about the wedding? Or is his reluctance to have a wedding a sign that he doesnt want to get married. 

Darling Husband was married before and really could care less about the wedding. He totally couldnt wait to get married to me, but the wedding -meh. So I planned most of it, just asking him about major stuff. He learned that even if he didnt care about X detail (should it be this color or that), it was easier if he just picked one. I learned to just do what needed to be done and involve him only when I was stuck.

In the end, he realized how happy the wedding made me, that he got more excited for it and even pitched in. 

Post # 16
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Shesaidyes:  You might want to check out Conscious Transitions web site. Sometimes transitioning from one part of life into another is difficult. He just might need some help sorting out his feelings. Sometimes people confuse being scared about moving to a new stage with intuition telling them not to do it. 

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