- 5 years ago
I have been lurking here for a while, but this is my first post.
My Fiance proposed to me on Christmas Eve. We have been together for 8 years and we are both older (I am 40 and he is 55). I have never been married, he’s been divorced for 11 years.
We kept things rather low key for a while after the proposal/ring and we talked about getting married in the fall so now at 6 months till october I have hiked up the plan making (started putting together venue ideas, made a wedding gown appointment) all the usual stuff.
Fiance has been extremely not interested, going even as far as to be perplexed about what I needed a wedding planner for. I tried to get him interested in the planning, asked him what is important to him, what he likes/doesn’t like and even joked about cold feet, but I now see the problem is WAYYYY bigger than I imagined.
This usually generous, kind and loving man has been sometimes very cold and distant. I have begun to realize that not only does he not have the slightest idea about how much time it takes to plan a wedding, I think he doesnt want to have one in the fall, maybe not at all.
I just now told him that I think it might be better to call off the wedding for this fall because he is obviously really stressing out about it and I feel like I am putting him under pressure. Since we have a lot of changes right now and I sense he’s feeling overwelmed we should put off the wedding plans. (we finally found a home together as we lived about twenty minutes away and never made that move because we both are single parents and the complications of that were very daunting) So I suggested we stop planning for now, reign in the horses and take a breather on the fall wedding…”maybe in 2014″ I said.
The man actually thanked me.
People, he thanked me.
My heart broke.
(He’s not a complete jerk, he did apologize and says he feels like a a$$, but he was definitely not trying to talk me out of this)
So now I am sitting here in tears and hating that I ever told my family and friends we were marrying in the fall.
I don’t really feel like I was pushy, but heck, when you (finally!!) get engaged after over eight years you kinda are in a hurry to get the ball rolling, no?
Please someone tell me I am not the only one this has happened to.
Or at least that it’s no big deal and it’ll be all ok.