Post # 1
I can’t take it anymore. I am literally about to just tell the bride that I simply don’t have the time to chase her down so that she can make decisions and purchase supplies for her wedding. She is suddenly too busy to meet to discuss wedding details, yet during emails so she’s so disorganized that she doesn’t address DIRECT QUESTIONS and it’s been MONTHS of this.
In addition, I have my own wedding to plan and I know that she’s going to wait until the last minute (my wedding month) to suddenly go ‘OH SH*T’ and then what? She knows it’s unfair and keeps apologizing but nothing changes. I could be overreacting but I just feel like my time isn’t valued whatsover. Even the Maid/Matron of Honor is wondering why she’s ‘so busy’ all of a sudden. The Maid/Matron of Honor has encouraged me not to pressure the bride becuase she will start to clam up and avoid responsibility but hello!! She already is!
And please don’t respond with ‘it’s her time, be patient’. Um, no. It’s also MY TIME, and she knew this when she asked for my help.
Post # 3
Stop volunteering to help her.
what info do you need from her?
Post # 4
I didn’t volunteer, I was asked, that’s what makes it even more frustrating.
I am working with the Maid/Matron of Honor to basically design it from top to bottom – space, flowers, etc for a 200+ person double venue event. Getting her to even choose her colors/pattern took eons. Now we’re at the stage (actually, we should have done this two months ago when I first requested decisions) where we need to look at flowers, buy containers, buy fabric, make practice pieces and make changes and I can’t even get her to focus long enough to answer a single question in an email.
Post # 5
if she’s not going to give you any info there’s really nothing you can do.
concentrate on your wedding until she decides to do something
Post # 6
This is ridiculous. NONE of what you are doing is YOUR responsibility.
My BM’s have only had to go to the store and try on a dress. Period. I am not having them help with anything else unless they really want to.
Leave it up to her to plan her own wedding! None of this is your problem! It’s hers!
Post # 7
Yikes, yeah the job of the bridesmaid is NOT to plan the wedding for the bride!!! Sounds like she bit off more than she could chew, and odds are it’s only going to get worse, not better. I don’t think there’d be any shame in politely telling her that you can’t afford the time commitment to fulfill your role as a bridesmaid with your own wedding coming up. Hopefully she doesn’t explode and the friendship still survives!!!
Post # 8
Why are you doing all of that? She’s not planning HER wedding on YOUR schedule? That seems backwards to me.
If the flowers aren’t done for her wedding, they’re not done. It’s not the bridesmaid’s job…
Post # 9
Yeah, you’re going above and beyond her bridesmaid duties. Let her know now that you can’t help her anymore b/c of her lack of decision making abilities.
Post # 10
WHY are you planning her wedding??????? Tell her its her wedding, and she needs to plan it.
Post # 11
I wonder if the bride is unorganized and suffering from “decision fatigue“.
Quoted from wiki (I know, I know): “Decision fatigue can result not only in fast and careless decisions but even in decision paralysis, where no decision is made at all.”
Post # 12
I agree with the PP’s – it isn’t your wedding. And you aren’t being paid as her wedding planner. Also, you said you have your own wedding to plan, so you need to focus your time and attention on that.
Just stop. You don’t necessarily have to pull out of your post as Bridesmaid or Best Man, but you do need to set some limits and boundaries with her. She needs to be planning her own wedding, or hire someone to do it. That’s definitely not the job of any Bridesmaid or Best Man.
I’m sure as her friend you’re concerned, which is very sweet of you. But you already have enough stress and responsibility of your own to deal with.
Post # 13
Send her one last email.
I know that this is stressful for you but I am being forced into this by your indeciciveness. You asked me as a favor to basically plan your large wedding for you. We should be at X point but we are about 3 months behind a comfortable schedule because you simply will not make the decisions you need to make.
At this juncture, you have 3 options.
* You can answer the questions I have, make decisions that you need to and I can get this going for you
* You can continue to not make the decisions I need for you to make and I will just go ahead and plan things how I think they will look and work the best within the budget you’ve provided. This will include handing me a credit card that is in your name that has a balance on it that will pay for what you want/need.
* I can withdraw my assistance and will only help on specific tasks that you have asked for help on–these tasks will have supplies purchased already and decisions made.
Planning a wedding is a huge favor to ask of someone. I am planning my own wedding in addition to doing yours for free. People are usually paid thousands of dollars to do this and I am doing it as a favor. Up to this point, you have not only not been helpful but your inability to focus and answer direct questions and make a decision on anything has been a major hinderance.
I have my own life and own wedding to worry about. I don’t want to spend more time than I have to worrying about yours, especially when we’re so behind on schedule. I’m sorry it’s come to this but I feel that at this point I have no choice. “
Alternatively, you could just stop worrying about her wedding. It’s her wedding–she can fuck it up as much as she wants to and if she OH SHITS right around your wedding, you can be like “Girl, I tried for months to help you. It’s my wedding right now and I don’t have time to do this.” There is not a person in the world who would blame you.
Post # 14
THANK YOU. You all are right. Even the Maid/Matron of Honor just said that its unfair, and they’re super close sisters. I think we’re going to have to do a come to jesus this weekend.
@thejill: She hasn’t really made any decisions – I too thought that about a month ago but then I realized…she hasn’t made any to be fatigued. I think she is just in complete denial and disorganized. And possibly selfish.
Post # 15
I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man many times and Never Ever been asked to plan the wedding. Plan a shower or bachelorette party, sure, but having a bridal party does not mean free wedding planners.
Might be time to bow out gracefully with a “I think I am a bit over committed here and it’s making me uncomfortable. i’m thrilled to be standing up with you and pitch in when I can, but I just can’t take on as much as I have”.
Post # 16
@zomgwut: OMG, totally. In fact, the straw that broke the camels back was that I had already offered option #2 and asked her directly in an email this morning to answer that so I at least knew how she wanted to pay for things if she was too busy to order and she just ignored it. I was like, WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO? Carrier pigeon? Metlife balloon?
I need a bloody mary.