Post # 17
Maybe she really doesn’t care that much about things (The colours, decor, flowers etc), and this is why she’s putting off the decisions? I’m the same way, to be honest. My wedding’s in 2.5 months and I don’t really have a specific theme/colour palette etc. I was stressed about it for a while, now I realize it’s just because I really don’t care that much about those elements. I care about getting married to the man I’m crazy about. That’s about it. I think my bridesmaids care more about the decor than I do. Maybe you’re more into the decorating etc than she is? Maybe she’s realizing she doesn’t have the $, that she initially thought she would, to spend on decor etc? It’s hard to say without knowing her, but there may be more to the story. At the end of the day, if you’re not available because she put things off, then so be it.
Post # 18
I would just explain to her that you would love to be a part of her very special day, but given how much time and attention you need to give to your own wedding, you are having/will have a difficult time helping her with her wedding details. Hopefully she will understand that you can no longer help plan her wedding taking the burden off of you. If not, then you can make a graceful exit before the $hit hits the fan.
Post # 19
m all up to help out the bride, with anything but diy lol. However she needs to be organized and the main person making plans. Tell her the months before your wedding are for your wedding. Let her family and other friends freak out over the details. Its not your job to plan her wedding. Helping her means showing up when she needs, not chasing her around and asking her to make choices.
Post # 20
I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man 6 times, was supposed to be one 7 times. I bailed on the one (but 5 months before the wedding, so she had lots of time to deal with it). It wasn’t because she was disorganized per se, but moreso that she was a bitch…
I normally would never bail on a friend/bride, but mine went nuts. She wanted all of us to fit into size 4 (BRIDAL SIZE) Bridesmaid or Best Man gowns. I’m a size 1 in street clothes and I was literally busting at the seams. My boobs are huge, cut me some slack, Bride. She said it would be important for pictures, and if we all looked consistent that it would look better.
Finally I snapped and sent her a Facebook message in response to one of her “come on guys, make sure you’re sticking to your diets/exercise!!” emails. Basically I was like
I’m a recovered childhood anorexic and bulimic. I’m not losing weight for your wedding when I’m already a size 1. Not happening. You can deal with my weight as is, or you can count me out. I’m not risking my mental health by crash dieting for your wedding photos.”
She just never replied and blocked me on FB…lol. Then she stopped replying to my texts..
ANYWAYS, like PP said- I would send her one warning email worded exactly like the one up there.
Post # 21
No, but I sure as hell wanted to.
My cousin got married a few weeks and it was the most disorganized wedding I have ever attended/been involved in. Bewteen the misinformation, forgetting and last minute things I left the weekend feeling frustrated, stressed and exhausted instead of having enjoyed the special occassion. She picked out our shoes at the last minute and so none of us had time to get them before the wedding. All the shoes were waaaaay too big and incredible painful to walk in but we didn’t have any opportunity to make changes and so we were stuck. We spent the morning doing all the stuff that she forgot like the guest list and chart (thrown together literally 45 minutes before the ceremony).
It is very frustrating but I am the type of person that once I commit I don’t back out, even if that means I have to struggle the whole way through.
Post # 22
So after speaking with the Maid/Matron of Honor, it was advised that I have a face-to-face conversation about everything, which I totally agreed with. Bride #2 told me she was availabe three days this week. I would choose one and she would move it and give no explanation. And then again. And the last option before next week (I told the Maid/Matron of Honor that Bride #2 had this week to chat with me about this, that I wasn’t going to let this drag on like everything else had been dragged on) was at my fiance’s game tonight — and she stated a ‘miscommunication’ as the reason we didn’t speak tonight. She basically stood me up. She has since texted me asking if we can meet next week (I mean, shoot, I live 10 blocks away from you – you’re seriously telling me you don’t have 20 minutes sometime tomorrow between laundry loads?!) and I am trying really hard to be mature about this but damn it, it’s completely principal now.
I have written a very long text, a short text, a f*ck off text, and then deleted it all and told myself that I should just respond tomorrow. But what do I respond with? She is so unorganized that I feel as if she’s avoiding me on purpose but I don’t even think she’s organized enough to be that callous. She knows I’m upset yet still doesn’t make me a priority this week. There are so many opportunities to meet someone in a week. For real. I am on the way to her house from work. It could not be more easy to meet with me. I hate to act like a child, but Bride #2 has turned into a pretty insensitive friend – I know, a total clilche. I should overlook this because she’s overwhelmed, blah blah blah.
But then I started thinking that she actually does this on a smaller scale all the time. We’re always flexible around her schedule and we are just as busy as her. She never actually plans anything social, it’s always us. She never does the work for any of us to be social (movies, dinner, vacations, birthdays, etc). Then I realized that I don’t have a bride issue…I have a friend issue. And now I’m just sad.
Thank goodness for this wonderful tecate tallboy next to me. He is my true friend, arencha?? *dribble dribble*
Post # 23
Had a similar scenario…the bride just kind of checked out of all decision making…I was thinking, why doesn’t she just elope? or get one of those wedding packages somewhere rather than insisting on a proper wedding that she can’t seem to plan?!
I basically checked out myself in the weeks before, and was just polite, and kind of thinking well, it’s her mess, it’s not my fault, I’ve told her I’m available if she wants help she’ll ask for it, otherwise I’ll just be there – even if there are no decorations or whatever the heck happens.
I got to town about 2 days early and ended up spending every waking moment down to the minutes before the ceremony pitching in with last minute things… and yes, it was hectic and disorganized and not as good as it could have or should have been (in a design sense). But it was still a beautiful emotional day and I was glad I was there… so I guess I’m saying, just let it all go… and get there early with ready hands. Some people just can’t do time management.
Post # 24
So you’re basically saying ‘give in to the vortex of hell’? Again, I kind of wonder if these people like living in hecticness. Like, it’s not REAL unless they’re in a complete terror. Because, let me tell you, I am not one of those that has a hero fetish…
Are you still friends? Did you think you weren’t going to be after the wedding?
Post # 25
I would just leave it. If she doesn’t give answers to questions then you can’t complete the tasks. If things arent’ done on time, it’s on her, not you. She is the one who will have to suffer in the end as a result. Just stop stressing and worrying and let it be, if it doesn’t happen then so be it.
Post # 26
haha I’m saying just peace out politely and save yourself these weeks of “the vortex”. just wait until she reaches out, even if it’s the literal days before the wedding when she starts asking you to do things – then help as best you can. I think what stressed me out the most was in the months before, helplessly watching reasonable deadlines go by – wanting to help her and feeling like she wouldn’t help me help her, and wouldn’t help herself. I felt much better after I accepted that her wedding was probably going to be thrown together last min regardless of the fact that it didn’t need to be. I think our friendship wouldve been in more jeapordy had I tried to grab the reigns and give her ultimatums.
just guessing, if she’s like this about her wedding, she’s probably like this about a lot of other stuff… she’s probably used to things not coming out perfect, and it’s not a big enough issue for her to change her ways. My advice is to relax and don’t feel that you are responsible for making her wedding fit her vision if her own actions aren’t in line. If she hands you paper and ribbons for programs and says will you please tie these 3 hours before, then help out. But if you know there are no programs, and no plan 2 weeks before… don’t worry about it, just let it go.
I was so worried that she’d be upset when she realized her wedding was disorganized and incomplete, and I wanted to prevent that for her. But like I said before, we just did what we could, what mattered most the days before, and she totally owned up that this was her doing (or lack there of). She wasn’t mad at anybody else, she knew what she had done and not done. She told the florist and the cake maker to “do whatever”, and trust me…they did. I realized her standards are totally different than mine…and that’s okay. That was her day, and I’ll do mine my way.
If you suspect she will be seriously upset if things don’t look like a magazine, then slip her an article or blog post about how much some brides loved and needed their planners.. maybe she doesn’t realize you can hire people to make decisions for you and just “make it pretty”…and that pretty doesn’t just happen with any old last minute mishmash of wedding stuff, many people underestimate the complexity of coordination because they don’t have experience with anything like this.
Post # 27
Planning her wedding is her responsibility. I would tell her that you don’t have the time or capacity to do her planning, when she isn’t available. Let her know that you’re happy to help her with doing the grunt work in putting together favors/centerpieces and/or addressing/stuffing envelopes for invites etc, but all the coordination, planning, decision-making is on her.
Post # 28
Honestly you are wasting too much time and energy on her, focus on your wedding and getting your stuff done. The ball is in her court. Like I have said before these things aren’t your responsbility. It’s her wedding and she should care more then anyone, it’s her job not yours. You gone above and beyond in my opinion and you are just wasting valueable time expending engery on someone who seems clueless and careless.
Post # 29
If she’s not super concerned about planning then you shouldnt be either. I’m fairly laid back about our day. It is just one day. Just give her a check list & leave it at that.
Post # 30
Sorry hun, I think you need to take a step back on this one – focus all your energy on *your* special day! It’s not the BMs job to corall a disorganized bride, and different people have different plannig styles. Even if you’re a super organized game plan sorta girl (which I totally get, btw) sometimes the procrastinator type can pull off amazing things too – you just have to be able to let her work in her own way – after all, it is her day!
Post # 31
You all are totally right. I can’t control everything and I need to stop trying. Every bride has to learn how to do this….even if it’s the super hard way.
Thanks bees. Off to go golf with my honey and spend the day in the sunshine. Have a good one! 🙂