(Closed) Anybody ever TTC without DH's support?

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 76
Member
1983 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry, but this is something that you two must be on the same page about! You do not want to bring a child into the world while he’s acting like this. Have you asked him why he feels this way?

Post # 77
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

I recommend therapy to get to bottom of this.

Post # 78
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My fiance is 29 and he had no problem with wanting to have a baby. In fact he was the one who suggested first to have a baby. When he suggested I was really scared. I was scared not because of pregnancy but cause of labor. I got over that and now we have a great almost 7 month boy together. I don’t think you should have a baby if your husband isn’t on board. Idk what I would have done if my fiance didn’t go to most or all my baby appointment with me and yes there is a lot of them. Pregnancy should be an exciting time not a stressful one. 

Post # 79
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

OK I know this seems as if it’s a complicated dilemma but it isn’t so difficult if you consider:

 The biggest risk to marriage longevity between two good people who get married in love/knowing each other well are 1) women outgrowing their partners/initiating divorce in their 30s and 40s and 2) men seeing they can walk all over their wives which can put the man at risk of losing his admiration and respect for her (unfair but true). 

This means that OPs marriage will be more strained if she waits five or more years (or forever ) to start their family. OPs husband will feel guilty for putting her off. OP will feel disappointed, resentful or resigned. Not a recipe for a wonderful marriage as they seem to have now. If we all want a stable marriage for OP, let me tell you that backing down on having kids increases the chance Darling Husband will leave her!!

I’m not saying she should tell him they are going to TTC and she doesn’t care how he feels. Rather, they should discuss it without blame and could maybe even go to pastoral or secular counseling. Does OP have any happily married friends with kids, especially kids who aren’t babies? Could she be sure to include them in their social life when Darling Husband is with her, lol? Could she reassure him of the hobbies he can still do, the fun they can still share, that she won’t only focus on the baby forever and shut him out? 

I think OP sounds as if she is a cool girl/woman because she isn’t critical of DH’s unencumbered partying friends. I don’t get why timelines and even setting a date to walk is fine for waiting bees, but now that two people are married who both agreed on kids, the OP is now selfish!!! Especially when I will bet her Darling Husband will be happy with tears in his eyes when he sees his newborn DS or Dear Daughter.

 

Both need to realize that marriage is for better and for worse – no guarantee one of them won’t get gallbladder problems or a year long health problem so both need to be confident their fun marriage can withstand the hard times.

 

 

Why do I read how irresponsible it would be to have a baby and then what if a divorce happens?

Very very unlikely worse case scenario that some of The Bees brought up-if he divorced OP, he still must financially provide for baby. And at any age women remarry, usually easily but after a certain age, a woman can’t conceive.

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