(Closed) Anybody heard of a rehearsal dinner with one family only?

posted 3 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
200 posts
Helper bee

Um, that’s insane.  I’d tell her thanks but no thanks and host your own dinner. 

Post # 3
Member
5929 posts
Bee Keeper

‘Thanks for the (…uh.. generous?) offer, but we’d rather cover the cost ourselves”

then plan what you want. I wouldn’t accept any money towards something wedding related that completely excluded my spouse and their family.

Post # 4
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

jellybellynelly :  this. I can’t imagine any country / culture having a tradition that celebrates a wedding but excludes one half of the couple. Unless she wants to plan your bachelor party 🤦🏻‍♀️

Post # 7
Member
3486 posts
Sugar bee

Your mother is very misguided and strange. Her excuse that this is the custom in her country is total bs, I don’t care what country she’s from. I’d just tell her thanks but no thanks and keep her weirdness at arms length.

Post # 8
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

drjlm :  I’ve been married just shy of a year and a half and my husband and I are still having issues with his family, namely his mother. The best thing you can do is decline, stating you want to celebrate your marriage with your wife and both of your families. Period. 

Post # 9
Member
47152 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have never heard of a rehearsal dinner hosting only one side of the family. If it is a real custom, you should be able to find that informaion online if you search wedding customs +the country.

 

Post # 10
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

I just couldn’t imagine family’s from different cultures or countries doing this, if I am wrong please let me know. Your mom is making up excuses to not get involved in your new life. I would decline the offer of her hosting the rehearsal dinner and explain why. Don’t tip toe around it. She is being very disrepectful to your bride first by pretty much saying your bride is over staying her welcome at her house and now this. Oh no. Stand up for youself and your new wife. 

Post # 11
Member
6186 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

A rehearsal dinner, by definition, includes the marrying couple and the wedding party at minimum. What your mum is wanting is just a family dinner that would have nothing to do with a wedding. 

Post # 12
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee

The rehearsal dinner is a thank you to the participants who are at your rehearsal.  You’re hosting them to a meal to thank them for their time and effort.

That is all who is required to attend.

You can include anyone else you want above and beyond that.  Some people include grandparents, siblings who might not be in the wedding party and therefore not at the rehearsal, or family who are traveling from out of town.  It’s not required to include them though, and it’s at the host’s discretion.  In theory, if your mother is hosting, she is free to include/exclude whomever she likes other than the people actually participating in the rehearsal.

If you don’t care for what she is offering to host, then you simply say no thank you and host the dinner yourselves.

Also, if you don’t have a rehearsal at all (they aren’t required and many get by without them), then you obviously don’t need a rehearsal dinner.

Post # 13
Member
47152 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

annabananabee :  It’s a bit of a stretch when she plans to exclude the bride.

Post # 15
Member
1322 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

drjlm :  omg wow her taking half the money is absurd!! Based on everything you’ve said, honestly I would tell her that she stole your money and she’s not invited to the wedding at all (as she clearly is not there to support your marriage). Before that you should withdraw your money and close the account. This is awful, I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. 

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