- 6 months ago
So let me preface this by saying that the issue I’m about to describe is so serious (in my view) that it has led to the rapid breakdown of my relationship with my mother, which has always been troubled (she is a very difficult person).
With that out of the way.
I’m getting married in a few months. Both of our parents’ live internationally (in different countries) and have never met.
My mom (who is a single mom; my dad is deceased) has always been a very insular and closed-off person.I remember growing up not wanting to invite my friends over because I knew that having outsiders over for any period of time was discouraged.
My fiancée and I visited her for the first time last week (as an engaged couple) and it didn’t exactly go swimmingly — we both felt tolerated at best and after a few days my mom made it clear that my fiancée would be overstaying her welcome by staying longer. So much for things changing when I got engaged.
Before this visit, we were working under the assumption that my mom would not be covering any costs.
But it turned out that she was, in fact, planning on organizing a rehearsal dinner (she just hadn’t told us!). With only one catch — the bride or her family members would not be invited!
My mom tried to defend this by saying that this is (apparently) the tradition where she comes from. But I haven’t found anything to support that claim. My jaw was honestly hanging open when she announced this.
I’ve always found my mom to be a bit of a toxic person, but this combination of attempting to micromanage the wedding (which she isn’t paying a dime for) and then having the cheek to plan to throw a rehearsal dinner which would exclude my bride and her parents, who she has never even met, really pushed me over the edge.
(She also expressed no interest in meeting them the day before the wedding or participating in any of the pre-wedding activities we have planned for her visiting family).
As I don’t have many friends that have gotten married, and customs vary by country, I just wanted to verify that this is as shockingly abnormal behavior as I imagine it is?
Thanks in advance!
(And By The Way, I haven’t spoken to my mom since this and am planning on cutting off contact for a while; I can’t handle the negative energy while we’re in the advanced planning stage with all the stress that entails).