Post # 1
Alright so, here’s the deal: im having a destination wedding and its going to be really small and intimate. I want to have a good sized bridal shower, BUT everyone keeps saying that its extremely rude/tacky to invite people to a bridal shower when they aren’t invited to the wedding. I can see how it could be rude, but doesn’t it make a difference that its a small destination wedding??
Post # 3
I think that this one is sort of dependant on your friends/family. I would ask people in your circle what they think. Some crowds might think it’s rude, but others might think it’s fine. Talk to your mom, your future mother-in-law, and other people who know the people who would be shower but not wedding invitees. See what they say.
I don’t think I would be comfortable inviting people to the shower(which is about presents usually), but not to the wedding (which is about the ceremony and celebration). However, everyone’s situation is different and what I feel about it isn’t necessarily what is right for you.
Post # 4
I recently decided to downgrade to a small destination wedding with about 20-25 people attending. What I figured was that if people want to throw me a bridal shower, great, if they don’t, I won’t be offended. I know that my fiance’s family (both sides) tend to throw small shower type parties to celebrate marriages when they’re destination weddings with just food, socializing and small gifts like picture frames with a wedding picture in it. I think though the main etiquette anyway is to let other people decide whether to throw a shower for you if they want to.
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s appropriate to invite people to a shower if they aren’t invited to the wedding… I think a lot of people would think it’s just a way to ask for gifts when they’re not invited to the “big day”.
Then again, some of my friends completely disagreed with me on this when I had a shower, and really wanted me to invite people who weren’t invited to the wedding. They thought it would be fine. It’s just my opinion that’s it’s not, so I said no!
Post # 6
What if I invite everyone, but make it clear in the invitation that presents aren’t necessary? Would that make it less tacky? I just want to have all the ladies in my family and all my friends together to celebrate BECAUSE they cant come to the wedding. I know it just depends on the type of people they are…..?
Post # 7
What about doing something after the wedding like a luncheon somewhere to celebrate with those who couldn’t attend? So it’s like having a reception at home but much more informal.
Post # 8
What about doing a We are Married celebration when you get back and make it coed.
Post # 9
instead of inviting them to the shower before the wedding, i would suggest having a party after the wedding and if they want to bring gifts to that then it would be fine…
Post # 10
I agree with noritake22. What about a get together when you get back? Or maybe if you had a luncheon, tea, or something else rather than a “shower” to get the ladies together?
I think the concept of a “shower” may cause some people to be offended, but if you had a lunch or something different as a celebration, it is less likely to offend. I think if you do it after the wedding, people wouldn’t feel obligated to buy you a gift. The idea of a shower is that you buy gifts for the bride and groom.
Post # 11
Ok I am also having a Destination wedding and I guess I go against the grain. I think yes like others said it depends on the person and if you think they would be offended. If it is your family and close friends I doubt they would be offended if you had a bridal shower. One thought is that you could always also send out wedding annoucements to people not invited to annouce that you got married or like others said if you had an at home party even just BBQ style and invited people to that maybe those people wouldn’t be hurt over going to the a shower before hand.