Post # 1
So, my fiancee and I have had some serious arguements over the cost of the wedding. My father is graciously paying for my dress and all the food and alcohol. His mother is also very graciously paying for the flowers and rehearsal dinner. My brother even offered to pay for the cake.
That leaves the photog, videographer, limo, favors, invites, etc. for us. Every time I mention a price quote, he always says “I think that’s too expensive” and “We can get it for cheaper”. Now, while I understand I may not be going the cheapest route with everything, I am certainly not going high end with anything either.
I should mention that he has been married before and I feel like he is comparing. I know that he did not pay for anything for his first wedding, but I dont think that I am being ridiculous with the choices I am making.
Anyone else dealing with this??
Post # 3
I’m going through a similar thing with us except it’s me trying to keep it cheap! I think men are just more logical beings than us, especially when it comes to weddings and so he’s probably looking at it from a financial point of view and wanting to get good value for money. I wouldn’t think it’s because it’s his second wedding and he’s being more tight fisted this time.
Does he have financial concerns? Are you both able to foot the remaining bill? I think the two of you might benefit from getting an ‘average’ cost for everything, totting it up and getting a total, then working out if you can both save up what’s left to pay. If what you estimate the total will be for you both to pay is reasonable, then maybe he will relax on talking about how much the inidividual items cost?? I had to do this because my Fiance, who has no debt, was expecting me to able to pay much more than I can (I have a ton of school debt).
Hope this helps!
Post # 4
We paid for most of the wedding ourselves and we had similar problems at first. Then we sat down and made a budget of est. costs for each item. Some of my estimates shocked him but once I showed him the specific vendor I had in mind, he often got on board. Fore example, I showed him different photographers and even though the one I was favoring was more expensive, he also liked the style better than the others and didn’t have a problem paying $400 more. We did the same with invited when he thought the budget was high. Once we had that origional budget, we both knew what to expect. We tried to stay under our budget but sometimes that was not poaible and we went over in once category and balanced it out with under in another. In the end, he was happy to increase spending if it ment decreased stress. I think I was trying to keep costs down throughout because I was more in touch with the bigger picture and he got stuck on sticker shock until we started crossing things off our list and paying for them in advance. Also, he was happy to get involved in choosign vendors for catering and cake and if he could taste a difference, he would pick the better tasting vendor regardless of price (I only made appointments with vendors in our budget).
Post # 5
like PPs, i had arguments with my Fiance at the beginning about cost, because I wanted to keep it down whereas he was more willing to spend more money. we have other financial commitments so really couldn’t justify or afford to spend much which made it easier for me to win the arguments!
I think it just depends on your financial situation – if you genuinely CAN afford these things, then put it all down on a spreadsheet and prove it to him. If he’s anything like me, he’ll want to see actual figures that still fit your budget (whatever that may be). So even if maybe it’s higher than he wants, if it’s still within budget then it should be fine. and maybe have a think about things that you don’t mind compromising on and letting him ‘win’ those battles so he thinks you’re making a sacrifice when actually you’re not!
Post # 6
Thank you ladies! I appreciate your feedback. We both make great money (thankfully) and have plenty of room. He just thinks it’s a waste of money “for one day”. And, while I understand that, there is no other day in my life that I will ever ask for a $1,500 videographer or $750 for a limo 😉 … unless it’s my daughter getting married!
Post # 7
@pcoelho: OMG I think we are marrying the same guy! Seriously, my Fiance and I have argued over EVERYTHING. He has caught himself a time or two about to comment on what they paid first time around, but my death looks stopped him dead lol.
I threw it at him and told him to find better/cheaper. And he couldn’t! I am not going with cheapest, nor best, but there are a few things I wasn’t willing to compromise on, like the photographer.
He is slowly getting it. I did a whole bunch of comparison charts for him, different venues, options, times, dates etc. I visited 12 different venues and took a load of pics and showed him all the diffferent venues and prices (here we get this included but have to pay for this and this and rent that, this place is all inclusive but we have to pay xx amount, and there is a minimum etc) He started to see that I wasn’t being extravagant.
Post # 8
Yeah, we’ve had a lot of fights over the wedding. He eventually just conceded, and I decided to go with cheaper options for things I don’t care about as much. I also decided on things he won’t notice that would be more expensive, I just won’t tell him!
Post # 9
@pcoelho: I hear you loud and clear. My Fiance has also been married once before, but in his case, he knows pretty much nothing about how much anything cost last time, he just can’t wrap his head around some things. Oddly enough, the catering bill (which I think we could have/still could do cheaper) seemed okay to him, while things like photography, which I am already trying to get done seriously on the cheap, seems to blow his mind. I think maybe I should show him more of how things like that fit into the overall budget, because I’m not sure he understands that regardless of whether we go with the cheap photographer or the awesome, slightly pricer one, his overall contribution will still be under budget. Seriously, if I’ve allocated things so that everyone’s going to be happy with the quality and it’s all within budget, what does it matter??
Post # 10
Darling Husband was floored by the cost of wedding photography until we had a photo session with a new photographer in the field. They cost about 75% of what my preferred photographer charged, but the photos were so terrible, Darling Husband was completely on board by the time we had to sign a contract. We did an engagement session with our photographer a month before the wedding and he absolutely loved all those photos, so he went into the wedding really excited. He adores our wedding photos and now HE’S super critical whenever he sees people with bad wedding photos.
We didn’t really fight about anything, but when we started planning, he didn’t understand why everything cost so much. That is, until I put him in charge of finding certain vendors like the transportation, hotel block, website, groomsmen outfits, rehearsal dinner, etc. Once it was on him to find vendors, he realized my quotes were not unusual. Plus I saved a ton of money DIYing a bunch of stuff.
So if he complains, assign some things to him!
Post # 11
He is the one who wants to add on all the extras and I am the one saying “no lets keep this realisitic”
We are spending a month in Europe for our honeymoon so I would really prefer the extra $$$ go to that!
I am the one who has been made in charge so I will make the cuts regardless 😛
Things like 1 hour canapes before the sit down dinner, and dessert (on top of having cake), fairy lights on the dancefloor etc are going to be cut depending on the # of rsvp “yes”es.
I am reallllly looking forward to the honeymoon and realise the wedding is only a single day!
Post # 12
My husband is very indulgent, so we never really had any fights about the budget. There were a couple times when he complained a bit about my spending–like when I bought all the chair covers and the rose table number holders. He didn’t understand my vision. However, when he saw everything put together, he agreed that they made a big difference, especially the chair covers.
Post # 13
We are just in the beginning of our weddingplanning. Since we have a fixed budget, we are trying to keep everything below that limit. The only thing he is willing to compromise on is the dress, if it would be more pricey etc etc. he can consider to get it for me.. but that is not very likely. But since the church, venue, food is taken care of we are left with the clothing for the bridal party, DIY Projects such as invitations, fabric bouquets, and stuff like that and the alcohol. He has not argued with me over the limit, he has been in shock in som of the extreme prices on some of the dresses I’ve shown him for fun.. LOL
Post # 14
The only argument (more like a debate) I had with Fiance was over the idea of having a brunch the day after the wedding. His mom had brought up the question, and at the same time, I said “NO” and he said “Yes” I told FI that we are at budget and we are not putting out any more money for our wedding. Case closed. I don’t think he realizes how much it’s costing, and just thinks “Oh, a brunch would be fun” where I am looking at it as “Great, another bill.” I called his mother up later that evening and told her same thing, and if she wants to throw a brunch that’s up to her, but we are done paying. I love how people throw out ideas, but don’t want to be the one’s to pay for it.
Post # 15
This seems to be a common thing, because my Fiance favorite quote when I talk about money for the wedding he says “the wedding industry is an industry to make a bunch of money from really happy women” LOL, I laugh it off sometimes, but we have gotten into a couple of arguments, so we have decided to comprimise for example I will get the videographer I want, and he gets to rent the kind of car he wants to drive. LOL I just feel like its the one day in the world that everything is all about you and you should have it how you would like.