(Closed) Anyone asked to be invited to your wedding?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

People I haven’t talked to since high school will facebook me and say "Congrats! I better get an invite". I say Thanks, and thats it. If someone asks me why I didn’t invite them, I am completely honest. I tell them that we are having a very small intimate wedding with less than 50 people, and the people invited are my family members and wedding party, basically people who HAVE to be invited. Since I’m not the one footing the bill, I refuse to go beyond that.

 

Post # 33
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Thanks, Amester!

Josalyn, you’re lucky! It sounds like you have the perfect "out" if people corner you about invites! 

Post # 34
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

Mr. Peng’s coworkers.  Pretty obnoxious. And I think they were really bummed that they didn’t get to come.  We get invited to all his coworkers weddings… but I just don’t really feel that close to them and didn’t feel the need to invite them when we had so many other people that we wanted to invite.  Plus, I don’t have coworkers (I’m an independant contractor) and I didn’t invite any of my clients, so it was fair.

Post # 35
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

No one has asked about the wedding yet but one of my fiance’s co-workers keeps asking if we have registered yet. Its awkward because we weren’t planning on inviting him to the wedding. He has also mentioned that he looks couples up on weddingchannel.com so he will undoubtedly know when we do register. 

I guess fiance should say something to him? Maybe he just really wants to buy us a gift regardless of whether he is invited? I think fiance may feel obligated to invite him if he gets us a gift.

Post # 36
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yep, but it was a blessing as I had forgotten to invite them, two good friends from highschool, and had planned on it!

Post # 37
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I was at a funeral for a friend’s dad and all of a sudden when we were outside after the funeral,  this person who I don’t talk to or see that often asks my fiance and I when we are getting married.  We tell them and then they say "you’re not giving me an invite???" I just stared at him– feeling very awkward… then he says "it’s ok, I just wanted to know when you guys were getting married."

Post # 38
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Aww, Sal75, that sounds like it was really uncomfortable. In that case, I’d probably cut the asker a bit of etiquette slack, since funerals tend to have such an emotional effect on people. Most people want to draw their friends, families, and even acquaintances closer to them when someone dies because of the inevitable feelings of loss (and fear of loss) that those events create.

Poor guy might have been looking for a way to strengthen/rekindle your friendship. 🙁 I don’t blame you for being stunned or uncomfortable, though!

Post # 39
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Seriously, what is up with that? Even for close friends i don’t assume i’m invited. Why add that extra pressure by saying "i better get…" for those people, i almost want to cross off the list… wedding planning is stressful enough – even when said in jest… brides are already wound up, we don’t need more pressure!

Post # 40
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t know… i thought it was really awkward and an inappropriate time… i think part of the reason was because he knows both my fiance and i.  we both didn’t feel the need to tell him we were engaged when we did get engaged… (like we didn’t think of telling him)… so the thought of inviting him didn’t really cross our minds either…

 i know what you mean amy77jc… just recently people have been emailing to ask if their kids can come to the wedding (less that 3 years old)… and i just sit there flabbergasted that they think it’s ok to ask when i addressed the invite to the couple and put that we reserved 2 seats for them.  sometimes i just want to pull my hair out and scream "no more questions!!"  😉

Post # 41
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2008

This is my exact problem… I still dont know what to do other than ignore it all together… i can’t say i’m having a small wedding because our wedding is 400+ guests and that is in no way shape or form, a small wedding LOL! But we’re maxxed out, have cut down as much as possible (i have a huge family) and can’t afford anyone else..

Post # 42
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

my mom calls me and tells me that one of her supervisors at work made reservations at a bed and breakfast for our wedding weekend. i’ve never even met this woman! i hate to put my mom in an awkward spot but we’re having a smaller wedding and i want it to me in intimate and personable experience.

Post # 43
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

I had one that I thought really took the cake. I’ve heard it from some good high school friends I run into I was frank and said unfortunately I’m not even inviitng all of my roomates from college. The list is tight but you can meet up with us when we go out after.

But the real kicker is this girl who worked with my FBIL/ Future Sister-In-Law. FSIL feels she is sometimes inappropriate towards her husband since they married so they aren’t as close as before. I’ve met her maybe 10 times including wedding and baby shower for them. My Fiance and his other brother wrote a funny song they played for their toast at their wedding. So, we run into this girl in a bar after we got engaged and she’s exclaiming how excited she is to come to our wedding and hear the song. "I know I’m not part of the family but I feel like I am." I don’t know the girl’s last name and at this point my future niece was a year old. She had yet to see the baby. I just smiled nodded and hoped she had to be really drunk to be so brash.

Post # 44
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, my in-laws neighbors!  What a fight we had with the in-laws about NOT inviting them!  We were over capacity at our reception venue, but besides that, we never talk to them and we paid for everything ourselves, so they didn’t have a right to dictate who we should and should not invite.  If we invited everyone they knew our guest list would have grown to like 350 people.

Post # 45
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Yes, we had all of these problems as well.  The most infuriating were family members inviting their kids and boyfriends and then trying to make us feel bad about it.  Luckily our parents helped us out in this area so we wouldn’t have to deal with it all ourselves.  I even had an Aunt in Vermont buy a plane ticket for her and her granddaughter and then call my mom to say that we had to invite her granddaughter because she had already bought the plane ticket! 

 

Post # 46
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Good grief there are some horror stories on here! It almost makes me happy that a lot of my distant, etiquette challenged family will probably not want to travel the 2.5 hours to Atlanta for our wedding!

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