Anyone been at this point? (Dating)

posted 1 week ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
557 posts
Busy bee

ah! Yes! I love this post SO MUCH! 

When the right guy DOES come along, it’s going to be perfect, because he will have to be confident and caring enough to DESERVE YOU, and you won’t settle for less than exactly what you want in a partner. 

A confident woman is an awesome and terrific thing. Congrats, Bee! I hope someone else fearful for their relationship future reads this and is inspired!

Post # 17
Member
600 posts
Busy bee

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@shortbread0410:  You’re so welcome! The feelings that come along with actually feeling good about our lives are so confusing—I’m a relatively happy clappy, acceptance-oriented, progressive-minded person, and I STILL balk at reading that sentence: I’m happy with my life as it is. Some horrible little voice always speaks up in response saying, “Sure, you say that now, but just wait…” or “The lady doth protest too much…” or some other shit. So I get your (and your friend’s) urge to dig deeper, but it’s really just anxiety searching for as much security as it can possibly get because it wants to protect this amazing feeling. But you can’t hoard happiness—just enjoy it!

Post # 18
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Awesome post! I’m very proud of you!! After going through a traumatic divorce at 39 (and spent most of my 5-year marriage being miserable and yearning for my independence back), I feel the same as you. Despite the pandemic and all those challenges, I am so content with myself and I am constantly working to build a life I love. Any man I meet who wants to date me is competing with my treasured free time. 

Post # 19
Member
4029 posts
Honey bee

When I stopped worrying so much about my future and really learned to love who I was in the present is when my life changed. 

And I stopped worrying about fitting into societies boxes.  I did what made me happy.

It all worked out in the end and I love my life.  

 

Post # 23
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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@shortbread0410:  I’m happy for you!

I experienced something similar, my turning point happened as a result of a trip I took with my mum for my 30th birthday (booked before I’d met my ex).  Long story short, I had the time of my life and anytime I reached out to him, he was so negative and seemingly envious.  I tried to understand his perspective but you know what, when I returned and saw him for the first time, he went straight into blabbing on about himself and something just clicked in me…. what the hell am I doing?  Why do I always make excuses for how he treats me and, most importantly, why am I with this self centered idiot?  I broke up with him on the spot and took a several month hiatus from dating.

I was genuinely happy and didn’t need a guy just for the sake of having one.  I had a career/great job, wonderful family, great social life, hobbies I loved and was about to move into my new condo.

After that point, I guess you could say I was a lot more picky with my dates.  I went on very few and if I had a strange gut feeling about a guy (as I actually did with the ex), I listened to it.  Just under a year after having that turning point, I met my husband. 

The key for me was recognizing what things I was willing to compromise on (different interests, for example) and what things you can’t (i.e. the way they treat you, fundamental beliefs).

 

 

 

Post # 25
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Everytime I read a post on the bee about a woman who is in a shitty marriage, terrible relationship or keeps dating loser after loser, I wish she valued her life as a single person more.  

You’d only eat something you disliked that was actually bad for you if you were starving.  If you were full and healthy, you might prefer to eat, but you’ll wait for meal you want.  This is one of the reasons having a great single life leads to better relationships.  Not only are you a better catch, but you’ll only get into relationships that add to your already full and happy life.  You won’t find yourself chasing guys who can’t make plans, trying to convince a guy to be exclusive, going round and round about a timeline, or tolerating guys who flirt with other people.  He’ll be great, or he’ll be gone! 

OP, I think you’re setting yourself up for a lot of happiness.

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